Need Advice: How to get Ushers off my back

  • Thread starter Thread starter Denise_Shae
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Denise_Shae

Guest
For over 30 years, I’ve been getting up to receive Holy Communion without the need of an usher prompting me by tapping me on my back or shoulder.

I cannot even begin to tell you how annoying and distracting that is while I’m on my knees trying to pray an Act of Perfect Contrition, before standing up to receive our Blessed Lord in Holy Communion.

I have no problem seeing the people in the pew before me, while praying, and I know exactly when it is my turn to stand up and join the line. As I stated above; I’ve been doing it for years w/out needing “directions” from/by anyone.
But these ushers prompt me to stand way before the last person in the pew in front of me is even out of the pew.

I sit at the end, because I’m a bit claustrophobic and don’t like being in the middle of the pew.

This may seem petty to some, but I really don’t like people tapping me during Mass; especially strangers.

At this point, I’m about ready to show the ushers my distaste of being tapped by visibly wincing or recoiling the next time one of them does it.

I fear that if I bring this up to my pastor, he may think I’m just being petty or picky, and I don’t know what to do.

Any suggestions?

Thank you and God Bless!

In His Most Sacred ❤️,

Denise
 
Hi -
I would check with my priest to find out if this is a practice of the church or just that of the ushers…I had an experience with my daughter where we went to Mass on Sept. 11 and were told to move twice (we moved and then were told to move again) because the school children (might come this far back". I was not going to say anything, but it happened to come up in a conversation and my priest was absolutely mortified that we had been asked to move once let alone twice. He said this was NOT the practice of the church (children are encouraged to sit with other adult parishoners) and that the lady who told us we would have to move did not have the authority of the church behind her.

If you find that this is NOT what the church condones, then ask the priest to discuss it with the ushers.

Good luck!
Anne
 
AnneBOK said:
Hi -
I would check with my priest to find out if this is a practice of the church or just that of the ushers…I had an experience with my daughter where we went to Mass on Sept. 11 and were told to move twice (we moved and then were told to move again) because the school children (might come this far back". I was not going to say anything, but it happened to come up in a conversation and my priest was absolutely mortified that we had been asked to move once let alone twice. He said this was NOT the practice of the church (children are encouraged to sit with other adult parishoners) and that the lady who told us we would have to move did not have the authority of the church behind her.

If you find that this is NOT what the church condones, then ask the priest to discuss it with the ushers.

Good luck!
Anne
Click to expand...
Well, here’s the thing: It’s a large Church. It has several rows of pews. Ushers go to the front at the beginning of Holy Communion and start prompting people from the first pew on back to the last.

This is not something that my pastor or his parochial vicar are unaware of, and it’s been done for several years, now.

I’m afraid that if I say anything to my pastor, I’d be the only one complaining about it, because no one else seems to mind.
I don’t want to be labled as a “trouble-maker”.

Thanks and God Bless!

In His Most Sacred ❤️,

Denise
 
Hmmm…
maybe sitting in the middle of the pew would help.

I do understand how you feel - it would make me very uncomfortable too. IMHO - the ushers should not touch anyone unless it is to help someone up or help them to the front of the church should that type of assistance be required.

If you are uncomfortable talking to your priest about it, you could send an anonymous message bringing the matter up. This may be bothering others too who are uncomfortable with saying anything.

Good luck -
Anne
 
AnneBOK said:
Hmmm…
maybe sitting in the middle of the pew would help.

I do understand how you feel - it would make me very uncomfortable too. IMHO - the ushers should not touch anyone unless it is to help someone up or help them to the front of the church should that type of assistance be required.

If you are uncomfortable talking to your priest about it, you could send an anonymous message bringing the matter up. This may be bothering others too who are uncomfortable with saying anything.

Good luck -
Anne
Click to expand...
Anne,
IMHO - the ushers should not touch anyone unless it is
to help someone up or help them to the front of the church
should that type of assistance be required.
Click to expand...
That is exactly how I feel about the matter.
And I may just have to let my priest know how I feel about it; even if I have to do it anonymously.

Thanks again!

God Bless you.

In His Most Sacred ❤️,

Denise
 
I’d find out who the head usher is and explain your situation to him/her. It may be that what this particualr usher is doing is not what he has been taught to do, but what he thinks he needs to do. In any case, talk to the head usher–I’m sure s/he will want to help you with this matter.
 
Without knowing the configuration and layout of your Church, I’m not sure if this will work or not, but… I’m assuming people are exiting the pews on one side and returning to the pews on the other side. Therefore, the ushers are probably only going down one side of the aisle? If that’s the case, then just sit at the opposite end.
 
Under no circumstances should ushers be urging, prompting, or in any other way organizing people to join the procession to receive Holy Communion! This is disgraceful.

Why? It is one of the reasons that some people who should not be receiving Communion join the line and receive. Because when someone remains in the pew it becomes obvious that they are not receiving and they will feel like they have a spot-light on them.

The only thing ushers should be doing during the receiption of Communion is directing people already in line if there are shorter lines, or pointing out to them the preferred aisles by which to return to their pew - usually it is up the center and back down the side aisles. Most of us know this and do not need ushering.

I have never experienced something like this, but if I did, I would first speak to the usher (after Mass), with the head of the ushers if that did not do the trick, and, if that did not work, I would take it up with the priest.

A very good, solid priest told me, more than once, that having people join the Communion line pew by pew is un-canonical because of the fact that it makes it obvious when someone does not join the line. It can prompt the commission of sacrilige.

If the OP takes this approach - showing concern for those who might feel pressured to receive when they shouldn’t, it might have a better result than simply dealing with it on the personal level of disliking being touched.
 
Ushers:confused: …what are those?
Our church does not have those…we all seem to manage to get up at the right time to stand on line for Communion with out guidance or help from anybody
 
Joan_M said:
Under no circumstances should ushers be urging, prompting, or in any other way organizing people to join the procession to receive Holy Communion! This is disgraceful.

Why? It is one of the reasons that some people who should not be receiving Communion join the line and receive. Because when someone remains in the pew it becomes obvious that they are not receiving and they will feel like they have a spot-light on them.

The only thing ushers should be doing during the receiption of Communion is directing people already in line if there are shorter lines, or pointing out to them the preferred aisles by which to return to their pew - usually it is up the center and back down the side aisles. Most of us know this and do not need ushering.

I have never experienced something like this, but if I did, I would first speak to the usher (after Mass), with the head of the ushers if that did not do the trick, and, if that did not work, I would take it up with the priest.

A very good, solid priest told me, more than once, that having people join the Communion line pew by pew is un-canonical because of the fact that it makes it obvious when someone does not join the line. It can prompt the commission of sacrilige.

If the OP takes this approach - showing concern for those who might feel pressured to receive when they shouldn’t, it might have a better result than simply dealing with it on the personal level of disliking being touched.
Click to expand...
AMEN!
Why? It is one of the reasons that some people who should not
be receiving Communion join the line and receive. Because when
someone remains in the pew it becomes obvious that they are not
receiving and they will feel like they have a spot-light on them.
Click to expand...
That’s the Primary reason my mother will not attend Mass with me.
She’s still struggling with having to go to Confession, and I totally understand that.
She needs to resign herself to go, but I refuse to pressure her. It’s between her and God; and I trust that someday, Jesus will move her to go to Confession.

Unfortunately, because of the pressure put on us, by the ushers, to go to Communion, she feels exactly as you stated – that a “spot-light” is shining directly on her, and she won’t attend with me. And honestly, I can’t blame her.

Thanks for your reply.

God Bless you!

In His Most Sacred ❤️,

Denise
 
Karin said:
Ushers:confused: …what are those?
Our church does not have those…we all seem to manage to get up at the right time to stand on line for Communion with out guidance or help from anybody
Click to expand...
Where’s your Church? I’d like to join. 😃

In His Most Sacred ❤️,

Denise
 
Joan_M said:
A very good, solid priest told me, more than once, that having people join the Communion line pew by pew is un-canonical because of the fact that it makes it obvious when someone does not join the line. It can prompt the commission of sacrilige.
Click to expand...
Alright. But, then, how to foster an effective movement of the people to communion?
 
I’ve seen this practice at some parishes, and you’re right - it makes you feel as though you’re supposed to go for Holy Communion, or that you’re holding up the progress of the human race if you want to pray, instead.

Although if you are blocking the way for others to go to Holy Communion in your row, you might think about stepping out for a minute to let them through, and then you can go back and pray.

(We should probably get rid of the concept of pews, and just have people stand or kneel at Mass, so that there aren’t such things as “rows” and those who want to go to Holy Communion can do so without disturbing those who just want to pray.)
 
It has often seemed to me that the ushers’ purpose is less to get people moving as it is to make sure that the line behind them doesn’t get out of hand. That said, there is also a certain “keeping the aisles and pew rows clear” aspect at play, clearly. I’ve seen people and have been personally prodded by an usher, pointing out that the line has started to move and you haven’t caught up. I suppose that the idea is to keep from having a mess of people who for whatever reason didn’t go with the flow then deciding to make a run for it later or clogging up the pews as everyone else tries to climb by.

That said, if your main concern is simply that you need a little more time to prepare in prayer for communion, perhaps you could sit further back so that you’re ready by the time the line gets to you.
 
jmcrae said:
(We should probably get rid of the concept of pews, and just have people stand or kneel at Mass, so that there aren’t such things as “rows” and those who want to go to Holy Communion can do so without disturbing those who just want to pray.)
Click to expand...
Perhaps. But, then, wouldn’t those who are “trying to pray” get distracted by everyone hovering all around them?
 
chicago said:
Perhaps. But, then, wouldn’t those who are “trying to pray” get distracted by everyone hovering all around them?
Click to expand...
I don’t know. I once attended a Russian Orthodox church that didn’t have any pews, and what happened there was that those who wanted to receive Holy Communion moved to the centre to line up for Holy Communion, and those of us who weren’t receiving moved toward the outside edges. It flowed very well; I didn’t feel distracted at all, and I didn’t notice any ushers, although someone near us was guiding us where to go (he wanted to make sure we didn’t end up in the Communion line by accident, I think).
 
If you’re not receiving, you don’t have to sit in the pew. You can still get up and follow in the line just to get a blessing. Just cross your arms in front of you and bow your head. Don’t receive.

As for tapping ushers… If you don’t like sitting in the middle of the pew, sit at the opposite end. No ushers there.
 
Teakafrog said:
If you’re not receiving, you don’t have to sit in the pew. You can still get up and follow in the line just to get a blessing. Just cross your arms in front of you and bow your head. Don’t receive.
Click to expand...
Some priests won’t do the whole blessing thing, though. Or it can be awkward if they don’t realize what a person desires. I’ve seen people have to stop and ask.
As for tapping ushers… If you don’t like sitting in the middle of the pew, sit at the opposite end. No ushers there.
Click to expand...
Of course, you could always tap them back. “No, YOU’RE it!”
 
Denise_Shae said:
For over 30 years, I’ve been getting up to receive Holy Communion without the need of an usher prompting me by tapping me on my back or shoulder.

I cannot even begin to tell you how annoying and distracting that is while I’m on my knees trying to pray an Act of Perfect Contrition, before standing up to receive our Blessed Lord in Holy Communion.

I have no problem seeing the people in the pew before me, while praying, and I know exactly when it is my turn to stand up and join the line. As I stated above; I’ve been doing it for years w/out needing “directions” from/by anyone.
But these ushers prompt me to stand way before the last person in the pew in front of me is even out of the pew.

I sit at the end, because I’m a bit claustrophobic and don’t like being in the middle of the pew.

This may seem petty to some, but I really don’t like people tapping me during Mass; especially strangers.

At this point, I’m about ready to show the ushers my distaste of being tapped by visibly wincing or recoiling the next time one of them does it.

I fear that if I bring this up to my pastor, he may think I’m just being petty or picky, and I don’t know what to do.

Any suggestions?

Thank you and God Bless!

In His Most Sacred ❤️,

Denise
Click to expand...
It is very simple. Tell them. Don’t worry about being less than charitable or rude or condescending. I assume they all wear the big placards proclaiming USHER correct? Before mass go to them and say

I’ll be siting right there. I would really appreciate it if you don’t touch me to let me know when to stand up please. Thank you.

If they persist, tell the Pastor.

An usher has no authority in the sheme of things and most of the time, except for collections, is totally unnecessary anyway and in my opinion is just another attempt to acheieve that mythic full and active level of participation that seems to require that everyone be physically doing something all the time.

Best wishes.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top