Need advice: I'd like to bring my Grandson into the Catholic Church

[RoseMary131]

It is part of what’s going on with me–I have tremendous guilt. TREMENDOUS GUILT! The other piece is that my huge over all and ultimate dream–one I recognize that I may never see happen for sure not in my lifetime–is that I’d so love to see as many of my kids as I could impact, enter the church. I’d love to at least partially undo what I did–if I can and if God would allow me this gift–which He may or may not, I realize.

Dearest Starr’s Mother, I am so glad you opened this post today. Maybe today you will be able to begin the release of this guilt.

You have been forgiven by our Dear Lord. He does not ask you to carry any guilt. He has released you from pain. He has cleansed your soul (as I’m assuming you have confessed not living your faith and not teaching your children the faith). Lay that guilt at the Foot of the Cross.

Learning to forgive yourself and let go of guilt is important to finding Peace - Peace that God offers you.

You may not see all of your dear children enter the Church, but that’s okay. Sometimes we don’t see what is going on with the heart and soul of a person. Some times it takes many, many years for someone to come back to God. Sometimes, the person who lead them down the journey back to God never have the chance to see their effects during this life… but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t happen.

If you were to die today and your children are not currently in the Church or maybe they don’t even think much about God… that does not mean before their last breath they continue to say “no” to God. God will judge each of your children based on His Wisdom, Mercy, Love, and Justice. They are now each responsible for their own faith. God sees the background of each day of their life. He understands why they choose each action or inaction. He knows which actions, inactions, or thoughts are based on misunderstandings, lack of knowledge, etc. He will judge each of your children based on their souls - He may see their souls as worthy of Heaven, even if they have not returned to the Faith of their youth.

Keep praying and always be at Peace.

 

[RoseMary131]

this grandson is only one of NINE I face much the same thing with–so i have a lot of work ahead of me–

Another way to think:

God has blessed you and your husband as parents of 5 precious children and 9 precious grandchildren.

Remember it is the Holy Spirit who changes hearts and souls.

Your “work” is to be the best grandma you can be… not to “save” the souls of these 14 beautiful people. You teach by living and by sharing of the Faith. It is not “your” work to make sure they all become Christians or in full communion with the Church. That is the work of God.

Release your guilt and your fears.

May God grant you Peace as you continue this wonderful journey back in the Church with hopes and prayers that your beautiful family comes to the fullness of the Faith as well. Its a journey to walk in Peace.

I pray your little grandson is allowed to attend Mass with you this Sunday.

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I think my biggest piece of advice is to not get your hopes up, and to not resent your son if he says no. Also, should he say no don’t undermine him or go behind his back.

Honestly, there is nothing that my mother could say that would convince me to allow this. I wouldn’t even honor the request to allow my son to go to mass. And if after I said no the issue kept coming up, there would be a lot of hard boundaries put in place.

 

[LovedMyAlydar]

Dear Starrsmother,

Why not turn the Blessed Mother by saying a daily rosary? Perhaps you could include your grandson in this. Perhaps even eventually your son after a time. The rosary is a powerful prayer and can do wonders to bring families together.

Our family was not in the best of shape when I began saying a daily rosary about 10 years ago. Slowly I began to include my sons on our drive to drop them off at school in the mornings, then I decided to try to get my husband to say it with us after dinner in the evenings. Well, what started out with alot of resistance (missing favorite tv shows, computer time, etc.) has endured and become a family activity that everyone enjoys. It has helped turn our once lukewarm Catholic family into a devout Catholic family.

Mary will not let you down, just ask her for her assistance.

God Bless

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Truthfully, Kyler (the grandson) hasn’t expressed interest or disinterest in anything religious. He’s as clueless as his Dad right now–if I can get him into RCIA and he wants no part of it–well, I won’t pretend that I won’t be hurt and disappointed–but I’d have to accept it and I at least tried–and will keep trying, even if I am never successful.

I think RCIA isn’t the first step here, but rather a step along the way.

As others have said, take it slowly. Invite your grandson to come to Mass with you. Take him to breakfast afterward – make the whole morning a treat – and as you talk about everything and anything he might be interested in, you might also mention the beautiful song at Mass or what happened in the gospel story. Make it inviting and appealing. Show him the joy in your life that comes from your faith. If there’s a baptism at Mass you’ll have an opening to talk about that. Some other time there might be talk about what communion is all about. This is all a process that will take months and years, not days! Give the Holy Spirit room – and time – to work in your grandson’s life.

 

[MissRose73]

My mother was in a similar situation with my sister’s 2 kids. My sister has fallen away from the church even though she was baptized, confirmed and 1st Communion. She and her now ex husband did not even have the kids baptized as babies. Eventually, my sister and her ex husband agreed to have the kids received into the church as 7 and 9 year olds at the Easter Vigil after near a year of RCIA. Before formal instruction, my mother did take the kids to church with her (and my sister knew that was done) and did read them Bible stories at home etc. My mother I am sure eventually wore down her down in more than one way.

Do as my mother did for years: take the kids to Mass on Saturday evening or Sunday morning when she babysat evenings, read Bible stories, and teach them to prayer simple things. Kids pick up on things faster than we think.

 

[Starrsmother]

Well, I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the excellent advice. Today is when a prayer group I belong to always meets to say the rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet at church at 3 p,m, I read all the good advice from you all and was still contemplating everything and what I ultimately thought I should do. When I went to church, we always individually ask for each others prayer intentions for the week and include them as a group intercession request. Anyway, I asked my group to please include my intention involving a decision that I was trying to make involving one of my sons and a grandchild in their prayers too. When I came out of church, I just somehow felt certain that I’d been wrong and shouldn’t hit my son up this weekend as I’d been planning to. I think that all of you saw the bigger picture than I did—and that I might just well be backing him into a corner and would not get the result I so hoped for if I rushed into it head-long. I didn’t get into this mess in a weekend or even a year or five years–and as much as I just sometimes feel desperate to correct it, a sledge-hammer approach might do me far more harm than good.

Patience is NOT my greatest virtue–(sigh,). I think my biggest worry is the fact that my grandson isn’t baptized. If he were baptized, I’d probably feel somewhat less desperate and less pushed–because even though my grandson is a perfectly healthy little guy, you just never know–and if anything were to happen–God forbid–I just don’t know what I’d do or how I could face something like that. But I simply have to lay even that worry at God’s feet I guess, and beg Mary to intercede and keep him okay until I can find my way through all this with his dad, At least that’s what I’ve concluded. I mean, I know of no way to get him baptized without confronting my son–which I think that all of you–and now myself as well, feel is not my best choice. If anyone has a comment or idea on the baptism part, I’d love to hear it, by the way. Otherwise, as I said, I’m just going to trust in God and walk slowly but steadily ahead. If nothing else, the holidays and Christmas are coming up–even more good opportunities to try to get my grandson to church too and to teach him about the church on my own–without making my son feel like I’m over stepping or pushing an agenda. Anyway, I decided to listen to all you wise people and go slow. I’m not giving up–I’m just going to take it a little easier so it doesn’t get confrontational–which would be truly horrible–particularly since my “end dream” is not simply to get my grandson into church, but to undo the damage I caused by not raising my kids in the church and hopefully bring them home as well. If any of you ever remember this post, please say a prayer for me sometimes as I approach what will likely be a long struggle–but which I have every intention of winning if God is willing! God bless and thanks again to you all. You gave me sound and needed advice–which I’m taking!

 

[SuscipeMeDomine]

Starrsmother, I think you’ve made the right decision.

Keep praying, fasting, modeling joyful Christian behavior, and giving the Holy Spirit room to work. Invite your grandson to come to Mass with you. If there’s something special – and non-threatening, like a choral concert – invite your son as well. Be open to talking about your faith and how it influences your life. But keep it all inviting, not pushy.

Prayers for you and your family.

 

[RoseMary131]

Well, I just wanted to say thanks to all of you for the excellent advice. Today is when a prayer group I belong to always meets to say the rosary and Divine Mercy Chaplet … I asked my group to please include my intention involving a decision that I was trying to make involving one of my sons and a grandchild in their prayers too. When I came out of church, I just somehow felt certain … shouldn’t hit my son up this weekend as I’d been planning to.

Patience is NOT my greatest virtue–(sigh,).

I think my biggest worry is the fact that my grandson isn’t baptized… --and if anything were to happen–God forbid–I just don’t know what I’d do or how I could face something like that.

Wow! What a wonderful experience with your prayer intentions…a sense of hearing an answer to your prayers right away. Thank you for sharing that with us.

It sounds as if you actually are increasing in patience. You thought your ideas through and decided to apply time and patience to your desire that all your children and grandchild will come to know God through His Holy Church.

Look at the CCC

1257 Baptism is necessary for salvation for those to whom the Gospel has been proclaimed and who have had the possibility of asking for this sacrament…God has bound salvation to the sacrament of Baptism, but he himself is not bound by his sacraments.

Your grandson is a child with parents who have not brought him up in a Christian home to be able to hear the gospel and ask for Baptism. God is not going to hold him accountable for what his parents did not understand.

The CCC says that God is not bound to only save those who have received the sacraments.

Your grandson has not rejected God. Your grandson has not rejected Baptism. Your grandson is very young and has not been taught much about God. Our Dear Heavenly Father understands all of this. If this sweet little boy were to die today, he is like a baby in his understanding of God and the need for Baptism. The Church does not teach that children who die without Baptism can not be saved.

1260 “Since Christ died for all, and since all men are in fact called to one and the same destiny, which is divine, we must hold that the Holy Spirit offers to all the possibility of being made partakers, in a way known to God, of the Paschal mystery.” Every man who is ignorant of the Gospel of Christ and of his Church, but seeks the truth and does the will of God in accordance with his understanding of it, can be saved. It may be supposed that such persons would have desired Baptism explicitly if they had known its necessity.

1261 As regards children who have died without Baptism, the Church can only entrust them to the mercy of God, as she does in her funeral rites for them. Indeed, the great mercy of God who desires that all men should be saved, and Jesus’ tenderness toward children which caused him to say: “Let the children come to me, do not hinder them,” allow us to hope that there is a way of salvation for children who have died without Baptism. All the more urgent is the Church’s call not to prevent little children coming to Christ through the gift of holy Baptism.

May these words of the CCC give you peace about your grandson.

May God continue to give you peace while you pursue your dream of expressing to your children and grandchild your love for God and His Holy Church, so that they too may know and love God through His Church.

 

[Joe_5859]

It’s good to hear you hearing the Spirit’s promptings through prayer. Patience is certainly a difficult virtue for most of us.

With regards to Baptism, I just recently came across this quote from Tertullian (one of the Early Church Fathers). He says: “If any understand the weighty import of baptism, they will fear its reception more than its delay.” I don’t think he’s trying to dissuade people from baptizing their children. I think his point is that baptizing children places a great responsibility on the parents to see that the child is raised in the faith. It’s not something that should be done lightly. Parents ought to be up to the challenge.