Need Advice - My Husband's Job

[SemperJase]

m33z3r:

This is why I am mulling writing his boss a letter.
… I’m hoping to draw attention to this problem that we have and enlist her support. At worst, she could just write me off as a b**ching wife. I can’t see how it might come back to haunt my husband.

Red Alert!

Do not write that letter! That will completely sabotage your husband at work and he will see it as a betrayal. The worst thing you can do in this situation is go around your husband and appeal to his boss.

Whether he is volunteering or his boss is demanding these unreasonable hours, it is his decision to work or not. His boss will view your letter as his failing. The last thing he needs is the people at work to know there are problems at home. That letter will only hurt his reputation at work.

The problem is between you and your husband. You want him to work less, he is choosing to work more. The demands of his job are only indirectly involved. Again, in the end, it is his choice to work those hours. He is making a decision.

Pursue it with him, not his boss.

 

[Rebecca_New]

Before I entered the medical field I was in business, and as territory manager for a large temporary help firm I did a lot of work with the top management. This is my experience:

1. The people at the top seemed to be very well adjusted and extremely nice. The nasty ones were the lowest paid.
2. The higher the position the more emphasis they put on their family life and their children always came first.
3. They were involved in community affairs, and were very generous contributors to the different charity organizations.
4. Their spouse was very supportive and made sure they had an active social life and entertained alot.

 

[newf]

I second the red alert posted by SemperJase…contacting your husband’s boss would be a very disrespectful thing to do.

My husband is in the accounting field, too…believe me, I understand the insanity. But there comes a time where your husband has to make a stand for his wife and his family and just REFUSE to work the hours. He needs to go to his boss and tell her he needs his vacations and weekends off. If he is so irreplacable at his workplace, they will accomodate him. If not, he can always get another job.

Honestly, from what I’ve read, this frustrating situation sounds more like a marriage problem than a work problem. Seems like we’ve got a husband who is bailing out on his wife. She’s got her hands full at home and this guy hides at work. It’s a lot easier to work his hours with his boss telling him ‘atta boy’, than to come home to a wife who is tired and needing some rest due to handling the children all day. Raising young children isn’t as glamorous as going to the office. OP, my heart is with you and I would feel exactly as you do if I were in your shoes… You’ve got a difficult situation and I will keep you in my prayres.

 

[Cupofkindness]

DO NOT CALL YOUR HUSBAND’S BOSS. THAT WILL EMBARRASS HIM PROFOUNDLY AND GIVE THE BOSS THE IMPRESSION THAT YOU DON’T SUPPORT YOUR HUSBAND’S CAREER AT ALL. MOREOVER, YOU WILL SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR HUSBAND’S TRUST IN YOU. The only time I’d contact my husband’s boss would be, say, if my husband were about to die of an incurable disease and he refused to tell people at work. I’d tell them so work could say “Go Home.”

You do have a marital problem because his work hours are affecting you. I must tell you that you are in a very, very difficult stage in life where only time will provide relief of the endless demands of a young family. It will get better. CA forums are a perfect place to vent about your situation.

And I don’t know if other posts said this, but your husband is at a very tough time in his career, many professionals are laid of around his age. And they often don’t find jobs that pay as well as the ones which they lost, due to the perception that middle aged workers are too expensive to keep on the payrolls. I have no doubt that he’s working so hard to prove his value to his company.

That being said, I would urge you to pray and approach this from the angle of what your husband is missing in his children’s development. Many marriages have endured what you are suffering, but the childhood years are irreplaceable, once their gone, their gone.

God bless you and keep praying.

 

[m33z3r]

Thanks for the encouragement, folks. Just to update, my husband actually came home early yesterday - he’d put in 60 hours in the first 4 days of the week(!) - and we had a good talk. God was with me and I was in the right frame of mind, so I said the right things and he didn’t shut down.

Bottom line - he’s disgusted with it all, too. He remarked that our 3-year-old told him yesterday that she loved me, sister, brother and the two cats, but didn’t love daddy. I reminded him that she’s going through that “mommy” phase, but that his long hours weren’t helping. He agreed.

So we will work on it. He’s decided to try talking to his immediate boss to let her know that his family needs more of him.

THANK YOU for your prayers - they worked for us! It felt so good to vent, too …