Need advice on friends situation

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HNA444

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Hello all! I need some advice. I have been having trouble with my friends lately, and I am considering to stop being friends with them because they do not treat me right. I considered these 3 friends of mine to be close, but one of them I cannot trust because everytime I tell her something she tells our other mutual friend. She likes drama, and I do not feel that she cares about me. I also feel like she is a bad influence, because she swears a lot and is very immature. Our other mutual friend never makes time for me or seem like she cares about my problems. Because, whenever she has a problem she comes to me and I give her advice from my heart and make her feel good about herself. But, when I go to her, she tells me “it’s ok sweetie”, and thats it. My other friend I have not mentioned yet, seems also to not care about me… because I always call and text to see how she is doing but she does not do the same. So, I have stopped doing that and I do not get any calls or texts from any of them. I felt like I was the only one who was trying in the relationships. I do not know what to do . Should I just ignore them and not talk to them anymore ? I have tried talking to them about how I feel in the past, but they do not care because they still act the same to me. I just feel so lonley and bored at times and I need a friend to talk to sometimes, and I cannot do it with them because they don’t care. If any of you have any advice let me know . thank you 🙂
 
"If your brother sins (against you), go and tell him his fault between you and him alone. If he listens to you, you have won over your brother.
If he does not listen, take one or two others along with you, so that ‘every fact may be established on the testimony of two or three witnesses.’
If he refuses to listen to them, tell the church. If he refuses to listen even to the church, then treat him as you would a Gentile or a tax collector.
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Then Peter approaching asked him, “Lord, if my brother sins against me, how often must I forgive him? As many as seven times?”
Jesus answered, “I say to you, not seven times but seventy-seven times.”

It seems to me that you feel like you care more about the friendship than your friends. Do they have control over you in the friendship? Do you always do what they want to do, and they never reciprocate? Is it “give and take”? Do they “have your back”?

These are tough questions to face, especially if you are young, or dealing with immature drama. Some people are just immature. Have you tried rationally and calmly and non-judgmentally asking them about it or expressing your difficulties? Try saying, “I feel like we are good friends and I appreciate you as a friend, but I sometimes don’t like it when _______, it isn’t fair to my feelings.” Let her respond. If your friends deny your feelings, they aren’t friends, but that doesn’t mean you should dislike them or outright avoid them either. Be a friend to everyone, and when you suffer for it, forgive, even if it means moving on to new friends.
 
I agree with jeffthezero,

You should never downright avoid and ignore people. Always try to be friends with everyone I say. Even though they might not always make you happy all the time, I don’t think that they’re aware of your feelings. I am in a very “alien” place right now, and all my new “friends” don’t feel like friends to me. In fact, I’m in a situation kinda like yours(kinda). My advice is to always be a friend to them, even when they’re not always a friend to you. So they might not be that ideal friend that you want, but nonetheless, you guys are friends at all, and that’s special. So, again, be a friend to them when they might not always be the same to you. And you should follow jeffthezero’s advice too in making them more aware of your dissatisfaction. Also, I recommend that you make more friends. The more the better!👍
 
HNA444 said:
Hello all! I need some advice. I have been having trouble with my friends lately, and I am considering to stop being friends with them because they do not treat me right. I considered these 3 friends of mine to be close, but one of them I cannot trust because everytime I tell her something she tells our other mutual friend. She likes drama, and I do not feel that she cares about me. I also feel like she is a bad influence, because she swears a lot and is very immature. Our other mutual friend never makes time for me or seem like she cares about my problems. Because, whenever she has a problem she comes to me and I give her advice from my heart and make her feel good about herself. But, when I go to her, she tells me “it’s ok sweetie”, and thats it. My other friend I have not mentioned yet, seems also to not care about me… because I always call and text to see how she is doing but she does not do the same. So, I have stopped doing that and I do not get any calls or texts from any of them. I felt like I was the only one who was trying in the relationships. I do not know what to do . Should I just ignore them and not talk to them anymore ? I have tried talking to them about how I feel in the past, but they do not care because they still act the same to me. I just feel so lonley and bored at times and I need a friend to talk to sometimes, and I cannot do it with them because they don’t care. If any of you have any advice let me know . thank you 🙂
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Friendships change. Don’t ignore them, always be polite and interested. If they haven’t responded to your e-mails etc., don’t send any. Move on.
Get involved in something that interests you.
It happens to all of us at one time or another in our lives. It is just life.
 
Thank you all so much for your advice, it helped!!! 🙂 I guess I am just going to stop trying and let them come to me if they want. I always forgive, it is just that I do not want to get hurt at the same time. I am always thinking about not hurting others, but what about myself ? I think it also a sin to let myself get into situations where my feelings will get hurt , don’t you think???
 
HNA444 said:
Thank you all so much for your advice, it helped!!! 🙂 I guess I am just going to stop trying and let them come to me if they want. I always forgive, it is just that I do not want to get hurt at the same time. I am always thinking about not hurting others, but what about myself ? I think it also a sin to let myself get into situations where my feelings will get hurt , don’t you think???
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I don’t know if it is a sin to trust and feel betrayed. These things happen. Yours is with friendships which is hard. It is awful to be dropped by a boyfriend, or abandoned by family, or have a spouse walk out on you.

Rejection is God pointing you in a different direction. Enjoy all the things that are accessible to you, make yourself into the interesting person you’d like to be. Positive actions attract positive.

And God is your friend. He, Jesus and Mary are always with us throughout life.
 
aicirt said:
I don’t know if it is a sin to trust and feel betrayed. These things happen. Yours is with friendships which is hard. It is awful to be dropped by a boyfriend, or abandoned by family, or have a spouse walk out on you.

Rejection is God pointing you in a different direction. Enjoy all the things that are accessible to you, make yourself into the interesting person you’d like to be. Positive actions attract positive.

And God is your friend. He, Jesus and Mary are always with us throughout life.
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Yes, you are completely right: God , Jesus and Mary are my friends 🙂 and I should care more about God than my so called friends who do not care about me. thanksss
 
if your friends are a bad influence, are not building you up but tearing you down, are toxic, or generally not a good in your life, get new friends.

failing to text you back is hardly, however, a measure of friendship. Why not cultivate your face to face relationships and learn to have actual conversations that are typical of friendship than relying on electronic interface.
 
HNA444 said:
Yes, you are completely right: God , Jesus and Mary are my friends 🙂 and I should care more about God than my so called friends who do not care about me. thanksss
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You keep talking to God and tell him all your problems everyday and He will guide you and you’ll be happy with the strength He gives you. That’s a promise.
 
aicirt said:
You keep talking to God and tell him all your problems everyday and He will guide you and you’ll be happy with the strength He gives you. That’s a promise.
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I do, and you are right. Thank you!!
 
Hello HNA444,

I’ll try my best. I’m making read-as-I-go comments, so the final verdict may contradict something I say earlier. 3…2…1…go!
HNA444 said:
I considered these 3 friends of mine to be close, but one of them I cannot trust because everytime I tell her something she tells our other mutual friend. She likes drama, and I do not feel that she cares about me. I also feel like she is a bad influence, because she swears a lot and is very immature.
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I don’t think the swearing is too much of a reason to ditch her. You’ll encounter many people who swear. If, however, she swears so much that she can’t express herself without doing it…she has bigger problems. Then you should worry about the bad influence. (I’m reading an old grammar book to rehabilitate myself!🙂 Are you?)

You can do without the gossip. Talking to her about it might not work. What will she do? She might talk about that incident to a mutual friend, right? She might actually shape up, though. I’ll let you be the judge.
HNA444 said:
Our other mutual friend never makes time for me or seem like she cares about my problems. Because, whenever she has a problem she comes to me and I give her advice from my heart and make her feel good about herself. But, when I go to her, she tells me “it’s ok sweetie”, and thats it.
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Actually, this friend kinda sounds like…me! I’ll talk from my own experience here.

Sometimes, when I meet with a friend, I may not be completely engaged in the conversation. If people come to me with their problems, all I can say sometimes is “Oh, that’s awful” - expletives removed. I may give advice, but I may not because:
  1. I don’t think the person wants advice.
  2. I don’t want to give advice that is impractical or Christian-like (at a public school). 😦
I may experience a similar problem with other conversations. I may either be:
  1. Preoccupied with other thoughts (mostly school).
  2. Ignorant of the subject matter and incapable of producing a good response.
I rarely make time for anyone because I want to do well in my academics. I am sometimes unengaged in conversation because of my ignorance or my school work. She is more quiet than you would like, but I’d recommend being patient. You could also talk to her if you like, but I don’t know what the outcome would be.
HNA444 said:
My other friend I have not mentioned yet, seems also to not care about me… because I always call and text to see how she is doing but she does not do the same. So, I have stopped doing that and I do not get any calls or texts from any of them. I felt like I was the only one who was trying in the relationships. I do not know what to do . Should I just ignore them and not talk to them anymore ? I have tried talking to them about how I feel in the past, but they do not care because they still act the same to me.
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Oh…so you did talk to them. My mistake.😊
HNA444 said:
I just feel so lonely and bored at times and I need a friend to talk to sometimes, and I cannot do it with them because they don’t care. If any of you have any advice let me know . thank you 🙂
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Do these people care? Maybe, maybe not. There are some friends I don’t contact much, yet they are still excited to hear from me. (Maybe I’m the one at fault for not keeping contact.)

It looks like you’re opening yourself up, but your friends don’t reciprocate. Do you value these relationships? If so, for what reasons? Why are you friends?

Are you still in school? Do you have other good acquaintances? Maybe you should get to know them.

My verdict: Bad practices are bad for you. If you want to keep contact with these people, that’s fine. However, opening up to them probably won’t help you at all. You may either:
  1. Keep your feelings to yourself. Which…will only get you so far. I’m willing to open myself up, but only when people ask.
  2. Confide in someone else. Watch out for the opposite sex, though. I went with option #2 and…kinda broke someone’s heart out of a weird impulse.
  3. Confide in your mom! My mom is fly.😃
Wow, that was long-winded. Sorry, but I hope that helps!
 
KrazyKaiju said:
Hello HNA444,

I’ll try my best. I’m making read-as-I-go comments, so the final verdict may contradict something I say earlier. 3…2…1…go!

I don’t think the swearing is too much of a reason to ditch her. You’ll encounter many people who swear. If, however, she swears so much that she can’t express herself without doing it…she has bigger problems. Then you should worry about the bad influence. (I’m reading an old grammar book to rehabilitate myself!🙂 Are you?)

You can do without the gossip. Talking to her about it might not work. What will she do? She might talk about that incident to a mutual friend, right? She might actually shape up, though. I’ll let you be the judge.

Actually, this friend kinda sounds like…me! I’ll talk from my own experience here.

Sometimes, when I meet with a friend, I may not be completely engaged in the conversation. If people come to me with their problems, all I can say sometimes is “Oh, that’s awful” - expletives removed. I may give advice, but I may not because:
  1. I don’t think the person wants advice.
  2. I don’t want to give advice that is impractical or Christian-like (at a public school). 😦
I may experience a similar problem with other conversations. I may either be:
  1. Preoccupied with other thoughts (mostly school).
  2. Ignorant of the subject matter and incapable of producing a good response.
I rarely make time for anyone because I want to do well in my academics. I am sometimes unengaged in conversation because of my ignorance or my school work. She is more quiet than you would like, but I’d recommend being patient. You could also talk to her if you like, but I don’t know what the outcome would be.

Oh…so you did talk to them. My mistake.😊

Do these people care? Maybe, maybe not. There are some friends I don’t contact much, yet they are still excited to hear from me. (Maybe I’m the one at fault for not keeping contact.)

It looks like you’re opening yourself up, but your friends don’t reciprocate. Do you value these relationships? If so, for what reasons? Why are you friends?

Are you still in school? Do you have other good acquaintances? Maybe you should get to know them.

My verdict: Bad practices are bad for you. If you want to keep contact with these people, that’s fine. However, opening up to them probably won’t help you at all. You may either:
  1. Keep your feelings to yourself. Which…will only get you so far. I’m willing to open myself up, but only when people ask.
  2. Confide in someone else. Watch out for the opposite sex, though. I went with option #2 and…kinda broke someone’s heart out of a weird impulse.
  3. Confide in your mom! My mom is fly.😃
Wow, that was long-winded. Sorry, but I hope that helps!
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lol no thank u so much, u actually said a lot of really good things. But, the thing is …the first friend i mentioned was not just about the swearing, but that she is not a good influence or positive at all as a person… she gossips, she always goes and tells people what i say, i cannot trust her, and i know that she does not care about me… she is fake. my other friend is not like you , trust me lol. because i am sure u care, although that is just ur personality. my so called friend, does not care!!! …because she has even admitted that if she had a bf that she would drop everything to go hang out with him… i even told her “why dont u do that with ur girl friend”? she simply only wants a bf, thats the only thing she cares about. so , i dont need a friend like that. and, i did confide in a lot of people’s advice , 🙂 and u gave some good advice as well. i always like hearing other people’s perspectives, because i may not be right. but, i think i am this time. and it’s ok. I do go to school at a private college, and i love it. i am keeping myself busy by volunteering and doing good things, and trying to be a better person. i have my family, and i can always make new friends. because, i know that these ones are not good to me. thank you for ur advice 🙂
 
I would suggest, while still remaining friends with them, cultivate new friendships. It seems like you have all yours eggs in the baskets of these 3 girls. You shouldn’t be mean to them, ignore or avoid them, but simply put your effort elsewhere. You don’t need to beat a dead horse by trying to get them to be nicer to you, but at the same time, don’t be rude or anything.

God Bless
AJ
 
Yea, I definitely do not or will not be rude to them. I just don’t think I am going to try anymore. i don’t want to ignore them or be rude, but at the same time i don’t want to be myself with them anymore , because they lost my respect.
 
HNA444 said:
Yea, I definitely do not or will not be rude to them. I just don’t think I am going to try anymore. i don’t want to ignore them or be rude, but at the same time i don’t want to be myself with them anymore , because they lost my respect.
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Well you should be careful with saying that someone has lost your respect. Every human person is worthy of respect simply because they were created by God for His purpose. While these people may not be the best choice in friends for you, be careful to always remember that God, who loves you unconditionally, loves them unconditionally too.

I would liken it to a breakup where you get along SUPER well with the mother of the person you are breaking up with. You know it needs to end, but you don’t want to offend them or their mother (who you would like to still keep in contact with). So your best course of action is to explain all your reasons to the mother and be completely respectful to the other person.
 
Well, I am not saying that I don’t respect them, but I guess what I am trying to say is that I am not going to be the same with them anymore. By them showing me that they do not care about me, I do not think I should be the same. If they need something , than yes of course I will be there for them, but I am not going to let them use me for whenever they want. I don’t get what you mean by explaining this to their mother???
 
Ok sorry that was a terrible analogy to God. It has nothing to do with their literal mothers. I would just forget that comment of mine. Sometimes I make very little sense…well, in my own head I make sense 😛
 
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