Need advice on marriage situation

[dividus]

More than thirty years ago, while in the far east,I was married in a registry office.My wife was not a Christian. We never lived as man and wife although – in the eyes of the church – we did commit adultery.After returning from abroad my intention was to assist her in moving to England but due to financial difficulties after losing my job I was not able to arrange for her to join me and we lost touch.I assumed at the time that she had probably taken steps to legally end the marriage. I have no idea how to contact her now. I have never married again although, sadly, I have been involved in adulterous relationships. Can anyone advise me whether I am able to receive communion?

 

[Rete]

You need to go talk to the priest of the parish you wish to join. Though I think if you were not really married (i.e. you were only legally married in some courthouse, etc), then you are not obligated to that woman. So if that is the case, you will just need confession. But you can only take advice online so far. Best thing to do is to unload that on a priest and figure out how to get right with God. Then you don’t have to live with that sword hanging over your head.

 

[dividus]

You need to go talk to the priest of the parish you wish to join. Though I think if you were not really married (i.e. you were only legally married in some courthouse, etc), then you are not obligated to that woman. So if that is the case, you will just need confession. But you can only take advice online so far. Best thing to do is to unload that on a priest and figure out how to get right with God. Then you don’t have to live with that sword hanging over your head.

Thank you for that reply. I had an idea that I would have to talk to a priest about it. I could have done so this morning as I went to confession just before mid-day. I was away from the faith for many years and have been attending Mass for about a month now.So I guess I should not receive Communion until I have spoken to a priest.

 

[Rete]

Thank you for that reply. I had an idea that I would have to talk to a priest about it. I could have done so this morning as I went to confession just before mid-day. I was away from the faith for many years and have been attending Mass for about a month now.So I guess I should not receive Communion until I have spoken to a priest.

I was away for a long time too. Similar issues. Once you have all that stuff straightened out, and you no longer have to live your life with a question mark over your eternity, things get quite a lot better in your life.

But if you went to confession, I am pretty sure you are okay, though you probably should speak to him just to have it confirmed. There is no way you will have that feeling of freedom and cleanliness otherwise.

If you went to a general confession, then you should be fine. I only mention telling him about this stuff because it gets the matter off your chest and helps you to move on. It doesn’t sound like you are in the wrong here.

 

[1ke]

You have two separate issues, one spiritual the other legal. Do go to confession and talk to your pastor about the spiritual side. But, also talk to an attorney about the legal side-- if you are still legally married to this person there could be legal issues such as her having a right to support, to inheritance, etc. You need to legally divorce her. That all this took place in a foreign country and that you do not now know where she is will complicate things, but you should be able to file under abandonment or something.

 

[Steveabrous]

More than thirty years ago, while in the far east,I was married in a registry office.My wife was not a Christian. We never lived as man and wife although – in the eyes of the church – we did commit adultery.After returning from abroad my intention was to assist her in moving to England but due to financial difficulties after losing my job I was not able to arrange for her to join me and we lost touch.I assumed at the time that she had probably taken steps to legally end the marriage. I have no idea how to contact her now. I have never married again although, sadly, I have been involved in adulterous relationships. Can anyone advise me whether I am able to receive communion?

As long as you have not remarried you can take communion by just going to confession to confess your adultry.
I suggest you take steps to annule you marriage.

 

[dividus]

Many thanks for your replies, they have helped to clarify my thinking. Coming back to the church after so long away causes you to take a long, hard look at your life and I know that God can see into my heart so there’s no point in being dishonest with myself. I will talk again to the priest before taking Holy Communion.God bless you all.

 

[Rete]

As long as you have not remarried you can take communion by just going to confession to confess your adultry.
I suggest you take steps to annule you marriage.

I don’t think there is anything to annul. It was some kind of civil marriage. That’s why I said he seemed okay since he went to a general confession. It’s still okay to go back and confess more things. Doing so makes a huge difference for a person in that situation. Been there.

 

[Bergon]

I don’t think there is anything to annul. It was some kind of civil marriage.

If he was not granted a dispensation from canonical form then he requires not an annulment but the lack of canonical form procedure.

It would be advisable to seek a civil dissolution of his marriage.

 

[Rete]

I thought that procedure only comes into play when you want the marriage to be recognized by the Church?

 

[dividus]

If he was not granted a dispensation from canonical form then he requires not an annulment but the lack of canonical form procedure.

As I understand it, that would only be necessary if I wished to remarry with the church’s blessing

 

[Gorgias]

As I understand it, that would only be necessary if I wished to remarry with the church’s blessing

It would certainly be necessary if you wished to remarry. However, if it’s just the lack of form procedure, then it’s not too difficult – it’s only a paperwork process. Once you get your legal marital situation sorted out, it might not be a bad idea to do this, as well. Down the road, if you find yourself wishing to marry, it’s better to have this already done …

 

[Steveabrous]

I don’t think there is anything to annul. It was some kind of civil marriage. That’s why I said he seemed okay since he went to a general confession. It’s still okay to go back and confess more things. Doing so makes a huge difference for a person in that situation. Been there.

That may be the case. But, that’s not something he can decide on his own. He needs to talk to a priest about it.

 

[Lapey]

It would certainly be necessary if you wished to remarry. However, if it’s just the lack of form procedure, then it’s not too difficult – it’s only a paperwork process. Once you get your legal marital situation sorted out, it might not be a bad idea to do this, as well. Down the road, if you find yourself wishing to marry, it’s better to have this already done …

Being the “wife” was not baptized, wouldn’t the Pauleen Privilege apply here if invoked by the pastor?

 

[Bergon]

As I understand it, that would only be necessary if I wished to remarry with the church’s blessing

Technically, yes that is so. However, you don’t have to have another prospective marriage in order to apply for it. If you did that the situation would already be resolved if you want to marry someone else. The process is relatively short and straightforward. It is to be hoped that if you did marry again it would be in the Church.

You’ll also need to ensure that you’re free to remarry in accordance with civil law. Therefore, you should arrange a civil dissolution of your marriage. You’d need to see a lawyer about arranging that.

With regards to your spiritual needs and whether you’re in a state of mortal sin is a matter which you need to see a priest about.

 

[dividus]

Originally Posted by dividus
As I understand it, that would only be necessary if I wished to remarry with the church’s blessing

Technically, yes that is so. However, you don’t have to have another prospective marriage in order to apply for it. If you did that the situation would already be resolved if you want to marry someone else. The process is relatively short and straightforward. It is to be hoped that if you did marry again it would be in the Church
You’ll also need to ensure that you’re free to remarry in accordance with civil law. Therefore, you should arrange a civil dissolution of your marriage. You’d need to see a lawyer about arranging that.
With regards to your spiritual needs and whether you’re in a state of mortal sin is a matter which you need to see a priest about.

Thanks for that and that is the way I will now go.To tell the truth - like Rete - I feel that I have other things I still need to discuss with a priest as my conscience is bothering me a lot. I’ll just hope that he absolves me so as I am able to receive Communion.