Need advice on roommate situation

[coachkfan1]

I hope this is the right forum. A friend of mine (non-Catholic) who I have known for many years recently moved in with me. A good guy who is going thru a divorce. This weekend he finally was able to get the last of his stuff. One of the items that he brought was an urn containing his mother’s ashes. He is an only child and I know that he was close to his mother. The thing is, I’m not sure how I feel about it. As Catholics cremation is highly irregular although allowable I believe.

Anyway, should I feel uncomfortable about this and if so how should I address it? He only brought it in yesterday so I trying to process the situation. Thanks for the advice!

 

[AussieTrish]

Sometimes we don’t need to be someone else’s conscience. I don’t think you should interfere. He has a lot to cope with already.
He’s lost his marriage and his mother and will come to a decision at a time right for him.
He’s not Catholic so his decision has nothing to do with the Church, but how he’s coping with unbearable losses.

God bless you both.
It’s wonderful that you’ve made him welcome and are offering kind support.

 

[SecretCatholic]

What’s to address?! What’s done is done and it has nothing to do with you. Why do you think this is an issue at all?

 

[Sunbreak]

For Catholics, cremation is allowable. It’s not so irregular anymore. But you say your friend is not Catholic, so he doesn’t have to live according to Catholic requirements, which would be to inter the ashes. Maybe you can talk to him about it and if wants to keep the cremains near him, at least ask him to keep them in his own area and not on display in a common area like a living room.

 

[coachkfan1]

What’s to address?! What’s done is done and it has nothing to do with you. Why do you think this is an issue at all?

Because I own the house and I didn’t know if it was inappropriate for it to be in a Catholic home. Thanks to everyone for your advice and of course I have been very supportive of my friend.

 

[chefmomster2]

God bless you!

Catholics can be cremated, however the ashes need to be interred. They need to be buried in a cemetery or in a vault. Catholics cannot scatter ashes over a lake or keep ashes in an urn at home.

Since your friend is not Catholic, and presumably his mother is not, they are not violating church teaching. You asked how you should “feel” about this situation. It is understandable if you feel a bit odd, there is nothing wrong with those feelings. What you need to concern yourself with as a Christian and a friend is how you ACT on your feelings. Your actions are what you are responsible for, not your feelings.

I don’t think it is necessary that you reveal to your friend that you may feel uncomfortable with his mother’s ashes. He is obviously going through a hard time his mother passed away and he is going through a divorce. Telling him about your feelings will not accomplish much. Jesus will help you be a good friend to your roommate. Tell your roommate that you know he loved his mother! Ask your roommate where he would like to keep his mother’s ashes and what you can do to make it more pleasant for him! Tell him that you want to be respectful so they are not disturbed so ask him how you can help. Anytime that you may feel uncomfortable simply say a prayer for the repose of the soul of his mother or offer it up for another intention.

God bless you for being a good friend, please be assured of my prayers. Hope this helps, Take care.

 

[SecretCatholic]

Because I own the house and I didn’t know if it was inappropriate for it to be in a Catholic home. Thanks to everyone for your advice and of course I have been very supportive of my friend.

I think its great and very Christian of you to offer your house to your friend. But I just have a hard time seeing how your friend’s mother’s cremated remains could even be an issue. I guess we’re coming at it from different places. I don’t consider that objects themselves have any power. I believe its the intention that’s most important.

If your friend had a Satanic object because he’s doing academic research on the practices and objects, then I don’t see a problem with that. If he was worshiping Satan or purposely trying to desecrate your home, or causing scandal in your home to your visitors, then I would have a problem with that. Since your friend had no ill-intent, I couldn’t see a problem to begin with.

 

[DexUK]

Personally I would be very uncomfortable with human remains in my house - even if they were ashes - regardless of whatever the position of the Church was.

I would be compelled to mention this to anyone who was my roommate.

Perhaps you could suggest to him that he obtains a suitably sized safety deposit box for the purpose of storage if he hasn’t decided how they are to be laid to rest yet. Alternatively maybe a local funeral home offers storage facilities.

You’re already doing a great service to him by allowing him to stay with you under such trying circumstances. If he cares about you he’ll take note of your concern. Just be gentle with him.

 

[kb360]

Try not to sweat it too much. It might be a little strange to you and what not but it’s harmless. As long as he isn’t keeping the urn on the mantle in the living room or in the kitchen then don’t bring it up. Poor guy must be having a really rough time as it is.

 

[Pax2u]

Since he’s not Catholic, there’s nothing wrong with the roommate having the ashes in his possession. However, I wouldn’t want them in my house, either. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with OP telling the friend that he is uncomfortable having the ashes there, and could he please find another place to store them while he is staying with him.

if the roommate is so isolated from other family/friends that he has no one to store them with, then I would at least ask him to put them out of sight in his own room so the OP isn’t having them on display somewhere.

It’s your house OP…you have a right to be comfortable and at peace in your own home.