Need advice re: babtism

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ShanaA1984

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I need help. I am expecting my 2nd baby sometime late May. I want this baby baptized Catholic like I am supposed to do but my husband is completely against. If fact he has basically forbidden me from having done. My husband is not catholic and comes from a denomination that does not recognize infant baptism to begin with. I guess I’m just stuck. I really want my baby baptized but don’t want to go against my husband.
 
As far as I can see, there are only three options available. One is to have your child baptised against your husband’s wishes. I don’t recommend this route. The other is to attempt to convince your husband of the importance of having your child baptised. You might consider having your priest speak to your husband with you, or maybe a neutral third party that you both respect. Your last choice is to not have your baby Baptised, but teach him the faith by example, in the hopes that he will choose Baptism when he comes of age.
 
I can see you are in a very tough situation, this cannot be easy. I do know of friends of ours who came to some sort of compromise and had a type of ‘blessing’ ceremony showing they were agreed to bring up their son with faith and a belief in God. However of course this was not done by a Catholic priest. This is still a sensitive area for them as the mother is the one who has an issue with organised religion.
I wish you all the best and I hope your husband can at least understand the importance of what this means to you.
 
Were you married in the Catholic church? If so, your husband would have agreed to raise the children Catholic.
If not, perhaps talking with a priest along with your husband would be helpful. But when you baptize a baby, you are promising that he or she will be raised in the Catholic faith. Can you promise that? Will your husband allow it?
Also you can pray for your husband’s conversion. The Catholic Church is the one Christ founded, after all, so it would pay your husband to consider her claims.
 
How does he feel about scripture?
After the resurrection, there were ‘whole households’ that were baptized, which would include infants and very young children. And they were joyful about all the family receiving baptism.

Entrust your husband and his faith journey to our blessed Mother’s intercession.
 
Viki63 said:
Were you married in the Catholic church? If so, your husband would have agreed to raise the children Catholic.
If not, perhaps talking with a priest along with your husband would be helpful. But when you baptize a baby, you are promising that he or she will be raised in the Catholic faith. Can you promise that? Will your husband allow it?
Also you can pray for your husband’s conversion. The Catholic Church is the one Christ founded, after all, so it would pay your husband to consider her claims.
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These were my thought although the non-Catholic does not promise to raise the children Catholic they do promise not to interfere.
Was the first baby baptized?
 
Thank you all for the advice so far. To answer some questions. We were not married in the Church. I briefly fell away at the time of our marriage and I am in the process of getting that fixed. My first child is baptized but in the Lutheran church because I was Lutheran at the time she was born. My husband also had no say at that time, because we had not met yet. If my husband would allow me to baptize this baby in the Catholic church it would be raised there as well. My husband is not religious in the slightest. He believes in God but that’s where it begins and ends with him. I attend Mass with our daughter weekly.
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by adrift:
These were my thought although the non-Catholic does not promise to raise the children Catholic they do promise not to interfere.
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Actually the Non Catholic is only to be made aware of the Catholic partners’s responsibilities to do all they can to raise future child in the church. I am the non-catholic and my wife is catholic, all be it non-practicing. In signing the church documents with the priest before our wedding I was only to witness her signing this understanding. This leaves me, or any non-catholic partner able to also defend whatever faith or belief I/they have in bringing up their children. In my case there has been no issues and we both have agreed on how we raise our children!
 
Is he a logical man? I’d be tempted to “logic at him”, as my husband puts it. You are currently the only one in the household practicing your faith. You, as the woman, are also most likely to be the childrens primary caregiver and their first teacher. It makes sense, in light of these facts, that you be the one to decide when it comes to matters of faith.

Does your husband even understand the Catholic faith? It’s fairly common for those denominations who do not practice infant Baptism to also be at some level anti-Catholic. Perhaps he was given some erroneous information in his previous church and would allow Baptism if he spoke to a priest and gained a true understanding of the faith. He could even attend RCIA in order to gain more understanding. There is no obligation to convert and it’s fairly common for spouses to attend the classes to get a better understanding of what their spouse believes and what will be taught to their children.
 
MJJean said:
Is he a logical man? I’d be tempted to “logic at him”, as my husband puts it. You are currently the only one in the household practicing your faith. You, as the woman, are also most likely to be the childrens primary caregiver and their first teacher. It makes sense, in light of these facts, that you be the one to decide when it comes to matters of faith.

Does your husband even understand the Catholic faith? It’s fairly common for those denominations who do not practice infant Baptism to also be at some level anti-Catholic. Perhaps he was given some erroneous information in his previous church and would allow Baptism if he spoke to a priest and gained a true understanding of the faith. He could even attend RCIA in order to gain more understanding. There is no obligation to convert and it’s fairly common for spouses to attend the classes to get a better understanding of what their spouse believes and what will be taught to their children.
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If he was logical, he would be Catholic.😛

I think a priest could be immensely helpful here. Would the husband be ok with meeting with a priest at his office?
 
Hello again. My husband is a logical man but he is not willing to speak to my priest. He was raised Assembly of God and I am uncertain of how anti-Catholic they are. His family seems all right with the fact that I am catholic, but won’t really know how they feel until the time comes to baptize this baby. As much as I hate to do it I may baptize this baby in the Lutheran church like my other one since he is willing to make that compromise at least. His view point is that he is not catholic so he does not want his children to be either. I don’t think he would prevent me from taking my kids to mass with me later on.
 
ShanaA1984 said:
Hello again. My husband is a logical man but he is not willing to speak to my priest. He was raised Assembly of God and I am uncertain of how anti-Catholic they are. His family seems all right with the fact that I am catholic, but won’t really know how they feel until the time comes to baptize this baby. As much as I hate to do it I may baptize this baby in the Lutheran church like my other one since he is willing to make that compromise at least. His view point is that he is not catholic so he does not want his children to be either. I don’t think he would prevent me from taking my kids to mass with me later on.
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That doesn’t sound logical. He’s not catholic, but I thought he wasn’t Lutheran, either? If he’s willing to allow Baptism in the Lutheran church, even though he is not Lutheran and neither are you, why not allow Baptism in the Catholic Church since you are a catholic?

As to not wanting the children to be something he is not, has he forgotten they are also your children? If he didn’t want catholic children he shouldn’t be having children with a catholic.
 
MJJean said:
Is he a logical man? I’d be tempted to “logic at him”, as my husband puts it. You are currently the only one in the household practicing your faith. You, as the woman, are also most likely to be the childrens primary caregiver and their first teacher. It makes sense, in light of these facts, that you be the one to decide when it comes to matters of faith.
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Yes.

And maybe ask him, in his opinion, what’s the worst thing that will happen to the baby if you infant baptize him or her?

If you’re right, your baby becomes a Christian.

If he’s right, nothing happens.

Baptism is all win.

I also agree with MJJean about talking to a priest. Make an appointment and tell him that you’re both going. (If he won’t, you can use the appointment for yourself.) Again, logic him and ask him what’s the worst thing that would happen if he goes to the appointment? Why isn’t it a good thing to get more information? (You can use the same argument with regard to RCIA–why wouldn’t it be a good idea to learn more about his wife’s religion?)

Easy on the logic, though–there’s only so much logic that most people can take at one sitting. I’d only do one thing at a time. Also, tone is important, so try to keep a reasonably temperate tone.

Also, bear in mind that every year has multiple gift giving opportunities, and you can ask for the baptism as your gift until he cracks. “What do you want for Christmas, honey?” “I’d like to baptize the baby.” “What do you want for Valentine’s Day, honey?” “I"d like to baptize the baby.” “What do you want for your birthday, honey?” “I"d like to baptize the baby.” “What would you like for our anniversary, honey?” “I"d like to baptize the baby.”

If he stands up to a full year of that of you asking for no other gift but the baby’s baptism, he must be made of stone.
 
Xantippe said:
Yes.

And maybe ask him, in his opinion, what’s the worst thing that will happen to the baby if you infant baptize him or her?

If you’re right, your baby becomes a Christian.

If he’s right, nothing happens.

Baptism is all win.

I also agree with MJJean about talking to a priest. Make an appointment and tell him that you’re both going. (If he won’t, you can use the appointment for yourself.) Again, logic him and ask him what’s the worst thing that would happen if he goes to the appointment? Why isn’t it a good thing to get more information? (You can use the same argument with regard to RCIA–why wouldn’t it be a good idea to learn more about his wife’s religion?)

Easy on the logic, though–there’s only so much logic that most people can take at one sitting. I’d only do one thing at a time. Also, tone is important, so try to keep a reasonably temperate tone.

Also, bear in mind that every year has multiple gift giving opportunities, and you can ask for the baptism as your gift until he cracks. “What do you want for Christmas, honey?” “I’d like to baptize the baby.” “What do you want for Valentine’s Day, honey?” “I"d like to baptize the baby.” “What do you want for your birthday, honey?” “I"d like to baptize the baby.” “What would you like for our anniversary, honey?” "I"d like to baptize the baby."

If he stands up to a full year of that of you asking for no other gift but the baby’s baptism, he must be made of stone.
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The bolded is genius! The rest of the post is good, too 😃
 
…But is he going to allow you to raise the child Catholic, thats what the baptism means. If he is not on board perhaps its better to wait, have some discussions with him and get at least close to being on the same page.
 
The reason he will agree to a Lutheran baptism is because and I quote “It’s protestant and I am a protestant.” 🤷 Also I converted from the Lutheran church to the Catholic church. At this point I feel like I am fighting a losing battle
 
I just looked at your siggy, your a newly wed. I say wait and try to talk to your husband about this before you make any decisions that will cause a permanent wedge. Don’t push the baptism, bring it up and discuss it but resist the urge to press and constantly bring it up. Pray very diligently about it Discuss why he feels the way he does about your faith, try to answer questions he may have.
 
ShanaA1984 said:
The reason he will agree to a Lutheran baptism is because and I quote “It’s protestant and I am a protestant.” 🤷 Also I converted from the Lutheran church to the Catholic church. At this point I feel like I am fighting a losing battle
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I think I would try to share stuff about the theology of Catholic baptism with him (gently, of course) and make sure he has a chance to attend a Catholic baptism and to read through the liturgy. If he understands what Catholic baptism means and he sees how beautiful a liturgy it is, it may be something that he will want for his child.

I grew up Assemblies of God, and baptism was done for 10 or 11 year olds at earliest, and baptism was something of an afterthought (compared to the good stuff like speaking in tongues or interpreting tongues!!!). In fact, it was such an afterthought that my family never got around to baptizing me. (At our local church, there was usually a dedication ceremony for infants and new families that was functionally a rough substitute for baptism–aside from the baptism part!)
 
ShanaA1984 said:
The reason he will agree to a Lutheran baptism is because and I quote “It’s protestant and I am a protestant.” 🤷 Also I converted from the Lutheran church to the Catholic church. At this point I feel like I am fighting a losing battle
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You stated earlier that he was logical. I am confused.🤷
 
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