Need Advice Regarding Very Anti-Catholic Parents

[Catholic_farmer]

OP, the only thing I could add, to all the good advice you have received, is that if you are going home for Christmas, speak to your priest first. If your family expects you to participate in religious services while you are home with them, there could be many difficult issues.

Prayers for you! I converted this past Easter and there is still a little fallout. They were angry, but accepting in the end.

 

[spero94]

OP, the only thing I could add, to all the good advice you have received, is that if you are going home for Christmas, speak to your priest first. If your family expects you to participate in religious services while you are home with them, there could be many difficult issues.

Actually, being back in my parent’s church over the holidays is what is really worrying me. Last Sunday I sat through an hour long sermon about the evils of Catholicism, and listened to my dad rhythmically say 'amen" the whole time. Thankfully, my parents don’t celebrate Christmas so at least I don’t have to worry about attending their church for that. However, just having to be back in this environment is kinda discouraging.

 

[Dorothy]

Actually, being back in my parent’s church over the holidays is what is really worrying me. Last Sunday I sat through an hour long sermon about the evils of Catholicism, and listened to my dad rhythmically say 'amen" the whole time. Thankfully, my parents don’t celebrate Christmas so at least I don’t have to worry about attending their church for that. However, just having to be back in this environment is kinda discouraging.

Prayer helps much! I would like to encourage you to look at the Divine Mercy image and pray to the Lord to be your patience and wisdom and love. Also ask Blessed Mother’s intercession.

Here is the image:

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[OraLabora]

I’m not sure argument or confrontation or attempts at civil discussion will much help.

I’m reminded of a (perhaps apocryphal) story I read some years ago. A Catholic gentleman married a very anti-Catholic Baptist woman. She forced him to “convert” and go to her church every Sunday. After he died, she found out that in spite of the fact she “converted him”, he still went to daily Mass and received the Eucharist and in fact never lost the faith. I guess he took one on the chin for the team

It may be a situation where it’s best to go about your faith “in pectore” (in your heart) as the Latin term goes (the Pope often uses this term when he secretly appoints a bishop in anti-Catholic countries), so as to be able to continue to love and honour your parents without religion becoming a sore point between you, perhaps even a point of estrangement.

Meanwhile when they bring up the usual nonsense, try and temper it by saying “it can’t be as bad as all that” or maybe tentatively interject some important truths like “I heard it was the Catholic Church that defined the canon of the Bible…” when they speak about Catholics doing/saying something that’s “not in the Bible”, without giving yourself away.

Consider it preparing a field for planting. It may take a long time, even years, to remove all the rocks and tree stumps, put in good topsoil, and fertilize it to make it ready to receive the seed of Truth that you’ll sow in it. Meanwhile, when you go to church with them, “offer it up” to God and take one for the team!

Meanwhile, pray, pray and pray again that they see the light on their own.

 

[Miriam1947]

spero94,

There is a great book that may help you.

***Born Fundamentalist, Born Again Catholic ***by David Currie.

It started as a letter to his father explaining his conversion and became a wonderful book.

For those Christians who believe that Catholics have non-biblical beliefs there is another good book as well:

The Biblical Basis for the Catholic Faith by John Salza.

Good luck and prayers up for you.

 

[Country_Gal]

I like the idea of writing a letter. I don’t, however, think you should subject yourself to an inquisition by an anti-Catholic pastor. You know very well where he stands and you heard all those arguments while growing up. You have already arrived at your conclusion.

I think, in your letter, you should acknowledge that your parents might have difficulty accepting your conversion. You should invite them to consider carefully and prudently before responding, as you love them and want them in your life now, and in the future. You want them in your future children’s lives. But you will need them to respect your decision, and not argue or proselytize. And you need to refrain from trying to win them over. And, once you have children you mustn’t allow them to ever, ever undermine you in bringing the children up as you see fit.

There may be some good books out to guide you. Many people have had issues like this as young adults, over religion, marrying outside their race, etc.

 

[josh987654321]

My family is very anti-Catholic, but no burning ceremonies. My family is a mix of “spiritual” & angry athiests who target the church for past scandals. With that said, I did not speak to them of my conversion until after I was baptized. I did not lie to them about my conversion, I simply did not want to invite more arguments or problems into our relationship. Instead of arguing with them when they brought up grievances with the church, i kept my mouth shut and listened to what they were saying, how it came up, and the tone in whichthey said these arguments. This gave me a crash course in humility. Anytime they brought up objections to the church I used it as an opportunity to go to my dear friends at church and discuss/ask questions to learn more. I prayed the Rosary for my family and went to adoration weekly. A few months after I was baptized I felt it was time to tell them I am Catholic. When I told them my step-father was angry as all get out and brought up the same objections as before. This time I had the knowledge and compassion to point out truths/falsehoods & to try to understand him more. It’s been 2 1/2 years since this discussion and he has since asked me to pray before Thanksgiving & Christmas meals!

My mother, on the other hand, appeared accepting that I became Catholic-“to each their own” is what she told me. Then, I remember she & my stepfather brought up my conversion again and she was so angry that she stormed off telling me “you are not the church!” I lovingly but with standing my ground that I am, that we all are, the church and left it alone.

The best I can say is to immerse yourself in your love of God and His truth to learn not only the theology but also the culture of His church, to frequent Adoration, pray, and let the Holy Spirit guide you. Entrust your family to our Blessed Mother and dedicate the Rosary to them.

Please remember this is a spiritual battle too and the evil one will try to prevent you from entering the Catholic church. I was blessed to have a priest guide me through the process of entering the church. If you can, find a priest to guide you as well.

St. Michael the Archangel defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and
snares of the devil. May God rebuke him, we
humbly pray, and do thou O Prince of the
heavenly hosts, by the Power of God cast
into hell satan and all the evil spirits who
prowl throughout the world, seeking the
ruin of souls.
Amen

Our Father Who art in heaven, hallowed be Thy Name.
Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done, on earth as it is
in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread, and
forgive us our trespasses, as we forgive those who
trespass against us, and lead us not into temptation,
but deliver us from evil.
Amen

Hail Mary full of grace, the Lord is with thee.
Blessed art thou amongst women, and Blessed is the
fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God,
pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our deaths.
Amen

Pray for us O Holy Mother of God, that we may be made
worthy of the promises of Christ.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us Humbly Hopeful and I believe you have handled (and handling) your situation very well imho.

.

I like some of what has been said here already, however personally I would advise strongly against writing them a letter, I believe a letter can often increase tensions when it comes to these things because of it’s impersonal nature. For the same reason they say you shouldn’t break up with your girlfriend over the phone or with a text message.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[jesuspsr]

Welcome Home and to CAF. The best I can do is offer my prayers for you.
And also there are some really good books of other folks conversions. Like, Rome Sweet Home by Scott and Kimberly Hahn; No Price to High, by Pastor Alex Jones.
Or you can listen to former Baptist Minister Fr. Gray Bean conversion to the Catholic Church here; youtube.com/watch?v=OPpzA7OGDFk

May the Holy Spirit guide you.

jesus g

 

[7_Sorrows]

I think writing a letter is a good beginning.
Perhaps I missed this, but have you already begun learning about the Catholic faith or checked into RCIA?
The previous poster mentioned some good books to read.
Good luck on your journey and with your parents.

 

[JRKH]

I like some of what has been said here already, however personally I would advise strongly against writing them a letter, I believe a letter can often increase tensions when it comes to these things because of it’s impersonal nature. For the same reason they say you shouldn’t break up with your girlfriend over the phone or with a text message.

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

A very good point Josh…

On the other hand, a letter can express great and deep feeling as well. After all, people still write love letters don’t they? It’s all in what you write and how you write it…
Only the OP can answer that one.

Just a thought.

Peace
James

 

[josh987654321]

A very good point Josh…

Thank you JRKH

On the other hand, a letter can express great and deep feeling as well.

True. And as you mentioned in your previous post, I believe there are many other benefits to a letter such as time to think through your choice of words.

After all, people still write love letters don’t they?

I don’t know, if they do, I think it’s all done over the internet now.

It’s all in what you write and how you write it…

I don’t know about that. I think sometimes, no matter how well you write it, it will be taken the wrong way. Kind of like a Politician who reads from the script, people simply dismiss whatever he has to say.

And if it were someone close to me (especially a family member), I wouldn’t like ‘bad news’ put to me in a letter. And I believe people may even get the mistaken impression that “He knows hes in the wrong when he can’t even look me in the eye and tell me.”

Only the OP can answer that one.

I agree.

Just a thought.

Thank you for sharing it.

I hope this has helped

God Bless

Thank you for reading
Josh

 

[spero94]

I think writing a letter is a good beginning.
Perhaps I missed this, but have you already begun learning about the Catholic faith or checked into RCIA?
The previous poster mentioned some good books to read.
Good luck on your journey and with your parents.

I haven’t started RCIA yet because of time conflicts and such. I have, however, read most of Scott Hahn’s books. I’ve read a lot of the early church fathers, like Ignatius and Justin. One of my professors is catholic, and he has answered a lot of my theological questions, as well.

 

[Hockeygurl]

my advice… it’s not up for discussion. you tell them what you are doing … you are an adult and do not need to explain yourself, however if it makes you feel better, ok. Let them know in no uncertain terms that this is what you are doing and that you still love them but that they need to respect your decision.

 

[rinnie]

Hi guys,
I need some advice concerning my parents. I am currently in the process of converting to Catholicism; however, I have yet to tell my parents.
A little background: I was raised as an Independent Fundamental Baptist. I grew up listening to many, many, sermons about the evils of the Catholic church. As I grew older, I started to question baptist doctrine, and began my search for what I believed was true. That search led me led me to Catholicism.
The issue is that I don’t know how to tell my parents. They really believe with their whole hearts that a person who is catholic is going to hell. They also believe that the catholic church is influenced by demons. Their church once held a burning ceremony for a rosary that was blessed by Pope John Paul II, which was given to a member of the church who was dying of cancer by sweet little catholic lady. They did this because they believed that the rosary could be a “conductor of evil spirits”. I tell this story to explain just how anti-catholic my parents and the culture they live in is.
I’m planning to wait until I graduate college to tell them. That is only a few months away now, and I’m pretty scared at what their reaction will be. I’m pretty sure that neither my parents or my family will speak to me after I tell them; that is really tough because I love them very much.
Has anyone been in situation like this? If so, how did you prepare yourself? Was easier or harder than you thought it would be?

Thanks so much!

P.S. Forgive me if I have posted this question in the wrong forum, as I am new here. If there is a more appropriate forum please let me know.

Jesus said once I will give you the words. Just continue to pray for his grace to give you the right words at the right time.

Remember always love and respect them, Jesus demands this. You can continue this and still convert to the Church.

 

[Tommy999]

I will be praying for you also, spero94.

I am not Catholic but may possibly become one some day. I still have some questions and concerns about Catholicism that I am working through but each previous obstacle has been overcome through prayer, study, and CAF resources such as these forums.

Like you, one of my biggest potential stumbling blocks is family, in my case my wife is very anti-Catholic and we belong to an evangelical church.

She has actually told me that she would divorce me if I ever converted to Catholicism and stuff like “Catholics worship Mary and believe the Pope is like Jesus”, and “If I had wanted to marry a Catholic I would have gone out with this or that Catholic boy when I was younger who wanted to give me their St Christopher medals”, and things like that.

My only advice is to show your family your faith through your loving actions, only using words when necessary. When they see that you have become an even better and more loving person through Catholicism, it will be a hard thing to refute.

At the same time, be strong in the Lord and pray that Jesus would open their eyes to see the truth of Catholicism (not the distortions) and that they would come to respect your faith even if they never agree entirely with it.

And don’t forget to point out things in their faith tradition that you find worthy of honor and are of God. Many times, they are reacting out of fear that you are rejecting all to which they hold dear, when in fact you are embracing more.

Just a few thoughts from someone who is going through something similar, although not entirely the same. May God bless you on your faith journey.

 

[JRKH]

…
She has actually told me that she would divorce me if I ever converted to Catholicism…

Did you tell her that St Paul said she’s not allowed to divorce you if you choose to stay married to her?

1 Corinthians 7:
12 To the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.
13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy.
15 But if the unbelieving partner desires to separate, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. For God has called us to peace.
16 Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?

Obviously she would consider you an "unbeliever’ if she is that adamant about your potential conversion…but still - Scripture says she should not divorce you…

Bet that would be an interesting discussion…

Peace
James

 

[Tommy999]

Did you tell her that St Paul said she’s not allowed to divorce you if you choose to stay married to her?

1 Corinthians 7:
12 To the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.
13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
14 For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy.
15 But if the unbelieving partner desires to separate, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. For God has called us to peace.
16 Wife, how do you know whether you will save your husband? Husband, how do you know whether you will save your wife?

Obviously she would consider you an "unbeliever’ if she is that adamant about your potential conversion…but still - Scripture says she should not divorce you…

Bet that would be an interesting discussion…

Peace
James

Hi James,
No I haven’t, but may do so if the subject comes up again. I truly think this is just a bluff on her part but I am not 100% certain. I think it is fear of the unknown for the most part if I had to guess, along with many misconceptions based on lack of information along with Catholic doctrine that has misinterpreted or taken out of context.

 

[JRKH]

Hi James,
No I haven’t, but may do so if the subject comes up again. I truly think this is just a bluff on her part but I am not 100% certain. I think it is fear of the unknown for the most part if I had to guess, along with many misconceptions based on lack of information along with Catholic doctrine that has misinterpreted or taken out of context.

Agreed. Hopefully over time, your gentle and consistent witness will win her over.

Peace
James

 

[CaitlinSiobhan]

I will be praying for you also, spero94.

I am not Catholic but may possibly become one some day. I still have some questions and concerns about Catholicism that I am working through but each previous obstacle has been overcome through prayer, study, and CAF resources such as these forums.

Like you, one of my biggest potential stumbling blocks is family, in my case my wife is very anti-Catholic and we belong to an evangelical church.

She has actually told me that she would divorce me if I ever converted to Catholicism and stuff like “Catholics worship Mary and believe the Pope is like Jesus”, and “If I had wanted to marry a Catholic I would have gone out with this or that Catholic boy when I was younger who wanted to give me their St Christopher medals”, and things like that.

My only advice is to show your family your faith through your loving actions, only using words when necessary. When they see that you have become an even better and more loving person through Catholicism, it will be a hard thing to refute.

At the same time, be strong in the Lord and pray that Jesus would open their eyes to see the truth of Catholicism (not the distortions) and that they would come to respect your faith even if they never agree entirely with it.

And don’t forget to point out things in their faith tradition that you find worthy of honor and are of God. Many times, they are reacting out of fear that you are rejecting all to which they hold dear, when in fact you are embracing more.

Just a few thoughts from someone who is going through something similar, although not entirely the same. May God bless you on your faith journey.

My husband was a cradle Catholic, who fell away, then attended non-denominational, anti-Catholic, evangelical churches with zeal… then fell away…

Now he doesn’t attend a church, but he’s still vehemently against my conversion. I’m studying apologetics during my time as a candidate, so that I can at least have some basis for answering his objections.

I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone!

Also, to the OP, I’m sorry that you’re faced with such a difficult situation. I’ll be praying for you, and for your family.

 

[Tommy999]

My husband was a cradle Catholic, who fell away, then attended non-denominational, anti-Catholic, evangelical churches with zeal… then fell away…

Now he doesn’t attend a church, but he’s still vehemently against my conversion. I’m studying apologetics during my time as a candidate, so that I can at least have some basis for answering his objections.

I just wanted you to know that you’re not alone!

Also, to the OP, I’m sorry that you’re faced with such a difficult situation. I’ll be praying for you, and for your family.

Hi Caitlin,
Thanks for letting us know we are not alone. I will also pray for your situation and for God to soften the heart of your husband along with spero94 for the situation with her parents.