Need Advice- Single mom

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kmarie7289 said:
He seems to want to expedite things because he feels hes losing his son.
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When I was angry with God I had all these unreal paranoid obsessions of people trying to trick me. Time proved all these issues wrong. But they were coming down to me heavily outside my control. So I now believe that these are temptations, it’s impossible to get it right while the Enemy attacks. We are human and we fall. God welcomes us back. What is important is that we stand again, rise again. The Enemy does not attack when there isn’t something that we do that stands against his evil plans for us. Like love. That is all I know. He also fights the Christians more than others. This may all be the temptations against the father of your son for trying to convert. After I planned to go back to confession my prayer life and all of that changed dramatically. I was shocked at myself. Bitterness against God and all that didn’t go well in my life became so intense I couldn’t handle it anymore. He’s is a mind control. Because he has no other power over us since we are not his children. We are God’s.
 
Talk with him about what you see as problems, and get (name removed by moderator)ut from him about solutions. Maybe I’m getting the wrong impression because of course you can’t write everything, but it seems like you saw problems and you came up with solutions to them and presented him with those solutions.

Can you get your job to cover your son’s health insurance? Can you get another job that would? What I have noticed is that church jobs do not pay as much as jobs in a business, so maybe it would be a good idea for you to look into another job, altho at this point it looks like you may have changed jobs fairly recently so it may not be a good idea at this time, but something as an option for the future which you could lay out for him.

Couples counseling may be a good idea for the two of you, since he has a counselor. A counselor would have a lot of training that a priest would not have.
 
Yes, I am considering this as we are doing this separation. Part of this has to do with why we are living separately because I want us to have that time apart to reevaluate our relationship together instead of just getting used to living like we’re married.
 
I have looked into counseling for us as a couple but I didn’t want to overwhelm him with all these changes. I feel like it would be good for us to be able to talk about our issues together instead of just arguing and getting no where. This was part of the reason I set up the appointment with our pastor. I changed jobs to the church because it was less stressful than my previous job at our Deacon’s business and because I was uncomfortable working with my supervisor. There was an incident that occurred during the final weeks of my pregnancy with her and I did not feel it was a good idea to come back after my maternity leave. The coverage for me to add our son is much more expensive then it is at his employer. He works for the University. I’ve told him that an hour or two of overtime a day is completely reasonable to make up for that. I’m only asking him to work the overtime because it would be easier for him to work an hour or two more a day than to get a second job or for me to get a second job or find a new one. I didn’t think it was an unreasonable request.
 
kmarie7289 said:
I have looked into counseling for us as a couple but I didn’t want to overwhelm him with all these changes. I feel like it would be good for us to be able to talk about our issues together instead of just arguing and getting no where. This was part of the reason I set up the appointment with our pastor.
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Yes, but you seem to have set that up with your priest before discussing it with your fiance.

I am suggesting that you and your fiance will get to the point of discussing instead of arguing faster with the help of a counselor who has training in that area. Priests get some training along these lines but few are qualified to do more in-depth work.

Also, since your fiance is not Catholic, he may have felt outnumbered, no? And if the priest is your boss, your fiance may have felt very restricted in what he could say.
kmarie7289 said:
He works for the University. I’ve told him that an hour or two of overtime a day is completely reasonable to make up for that. I’m only asking him to work the overtime because it would be easier for him to work an hour or two more a day than to get a second job or for me to get a second job or find a new one. I didn’t think it was an unreasonable request
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You changed jobs in part because the new job would be less stressful… You told him working overtime was reasonable… You told him that would be easier than a second job for either of you…

It could be that because you can only write the highlights that my impression that you are doing a lot of the talking and deciding is wrong, but I really think you should consider that perhaps you are doing a lot of the talking and deciding. To you, his working and hour or two extra a day might seem much more reasonable than it does to him 😉

How about if the two of you sit down and write a budget? Let him have lots of (name removed by moderator)ut on it. Then the two of brainstorm some solutions.

Also, may I make another suggestion? Play together. Take walks together where there is no mention of problems. Put the baby to bed together. Arrange your schedules so each of you has free time and each of you has time one-on-one with the baby (yes, these two do dovetail!) once a week or so. Start enjoying being a family as well as ironing out all the problems 🙂
 
He is the one who said he would work the overtime, but when he started just coming home at his normal end time to do nothing but sit on the couch until I came home with our son from my parent’s place, that’s where I had the issue. As far as me being the one who talks and decides things, I feel I have to otherwise nothing will be done. I breakdown all of our finances monthly and we discuss what bills need to be paid, which we split by paychecks since we have opposite pay periods. We have talked about setting money aside for our son as a savings for him and he has talked about going on vacations, but we have bills and things like his totaled vehicle to pay off. So that’s why there’s the stress of working extra to have money.

Since he has moved out, I’ve made sure he has time to spend with his son, whether its meeting me at the apartment where my son and I stay or at my parent’s place. We spend time together with our son when he visits, but he usually only take an hour or two with us. Otherwise his time is spent at work, at his grandpa’s place where he is now staying or going hunting as he did last weekend.
 
It sounds as if you are really doing the lion’s share of the work in this relationship. Prayers for you!
 
It seems then that he is leaving deciding and talking to you.

I would seriously consider that either both of you or you see a counselor; these issues are way too big for a message board of untrained strangers!

See what you can find out about counseling through Catholic Charities, or the University where he works. You may end up with someone doing an internship, but they will have had lots of training and be under supervision.

Or you can contact these Catholic counselors. I linked (I hope!) to the page with links to the podcasts of their radio program, so you can see if they suit you. They also have some books that might interest you. I do not know about their fees or if they have a sliding scale or anything like that, but it might be helpful.
 
yeah, I’ve looked up licensed counselors and found an office not too far from our apartment which takes both of our insurances. I just didn’t want to spring the idea on going to see a couples counselor on top of the separation immediately. But I do plan on asking his thoughts about it. Thank you for your advice. I appreciate it.
 
kmarie7289 said:
But I do plan on asking his thoughts about it.
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Excellent 🙂

Don’t forget you can go on your own as well. You might suggest it as something you want to do and would he join you, if you think that would go over better.
 
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He is. The reason I asked him to work overtime, was to offset the cost of the deductions. When he works his regular hours, and has deductions, his checks are very small, which makes paying bills very difficult.
 
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