Need advice-Struggling to get son baptized

[EasterJoy]

UPDATE: I weren’t to the parish office as i said i would and it was a miracle. The lady who worked there offered to baptize him herself. I was also overcome with emotion and so greatful I cried as soon as she offered. I was so embarrassed for crying I had to leave. She asked me if he needed a suit and I told her he didn’t need all that just wanted him to be baptized. The Lord heard our prayers… praise him! Still doesn’t seem real right now. I need to call and ask if its this Sunday or next as I left overcome with emotion. My son was so happy he said he can hardly believe it. God Bless everyone/anyone who offers to be a sponsor for a sacrament thou have no idea how appreciated you are. If you said a prayer… thank you and may God Bless you!

There is no reason to believe your son’s baptism wasn’t valid, I am not saying that, but the decision about the whens, wheres and whos of your child’s baptism belonged to his pastor, not the pastor’s secretary or pastoral associate. I am sure she meant to do you a favor, but she needs to not do something like that again. She took a privilege and authority that belonged to the pastor of the parish, and she took it upon herself to decide your son ought not have the full rite given to him by his pastor. She* probably* shouldn’t have done it. (I cannot see your condition or your son’s condition; she may have the experience to know she had an emergency on her hands, not to mention protocols of some sort that I know nothing about.)

Please do tell your pastor about this, because he deserves to decide if this lady needs re-education. Do not be crushed if he is somewhat less thrilled than you are about the situation. That is not the point at all–of course you are happy! It is just that the ordinary ministers of baptism are the clergy, and even a bishop is not to baptize someone outside his jurisdiction:

***Can. 862 *Except in a case of necessity, no one is permitted to confer baptism in the territory of another without the required permission, not even upon his own subjects.

More to the point, though, you need to make 100% sure that the baptism was entirely valid and will be recorded as such in the records of the Church. Any baptism not done by the pastor or by the direction of the pastor ought to be reported to the pastor as soon as possible. As a parent, I’d ensure personally that this was done by doing it myself.

Still, one cannot help but be happy that your suffering has been eased. I have to think she saw this as an emergency, and moved quickly to relieve it. Do make sure you say something to your pastor about it directly, though. Don’t be afraid; everyone wants your son to be initiated into the Church!

 

[felsguy]

UPDATE: I weren’t to the parish office as i said i would and it was a miracle. The lady who worked there offered to baptize him herself. I was also overcome with emotion and so greatful I cried as soon as she offered. I was so embarrassed for crying I had to leave. She asked me if he needed a suit and I told her he didn’t need all that just wanted him to be baptized. The Lord heard our prayers… praise him! Still doesn’t seem real right now. I need to call and ask if its this Sunday or next as I left overcome with emotion. My son was so happy he said he can hardly believe it. God Bless everyone/anyone who offers to be a sponsor for a sacrament thou have no idea how appreciated you are. If you said a prayer… thank you and may God Bless you!

Whoa! The parish secretary offered to baptize your son herself? Did you mean to say that the lady offered to be his sponsor?

 

[Cat]

There is no reason to believe your son’s baptism wasn’t valid, I am not saying that, but the decision about the whens, wheres and whos of your child’s baptism belonged to his pastor, not the pastor’s secretary or pastoral associate. I am sure she meant to do you a favor, but she needs to not do something like that again. She took a privilege and authority that belonged to the pastor of the parish, and she took it upon herself to decide your son ought not have the full rite given to him by his pastor. She* probably* shouldn’t have done it. (I cannot see your condition or your son’s condition; she may have the experience to know she had an emergency on her hands, not to mention protocols of some sort that I know nothing about.)

Please do tell your pastor about this, because he deserves to decide if this lady needs re-education. Do not be crushed if he is somewhat less thrilled than you are about the situation. That is not the point at all–of course you are happy! It is just that the ordinary ministers of baptism are the clergy, and even a bishop is not to baptize someone outside his jurisdiction:

***Can. 862 ***Except in a case of necessity, no one is permitted to confer baptism in the territory of another without the required permission, not even upon his own subjects.

More to the point, though, you need to make 100% sure that the baptism was entirely valid and will be recorded as such in the records of the Church. Any baptism not done by the pastor or by the direction of the pastor ought to be reported to the pastor as soon as possible. As a parent, I’d ensure personally that this was done by doing it myself.

Still, one cannot help but be happy that your suffering has been eased. I have to think she saw this as an emergency, and moved quickly to relieve it. Do make sure you say something to your pastor about it directly, though. Don’t be afraid; everyone wants your son to be initiated into the Church!

Maybe I’m misreading ElizabethECB’s joyful post, but I got the impression that the baptism hasn’t happened yet but is scheduled to happen sometime in the next few weeks. ElizabethECB said, “I need to call and ask if its this Sunday or next as I left overcome with emotion.”

The “church secretary” offered to baptize him herself, but I didn’t get the impression she actually did. I think she was just saying that to express empathy for ElizabethECB’s situation and to show that she was going to make SURE that the buck stopped there and that the little boy WOULD be baptized soon!

She asked if ElizabethECB’s son needed a suit–that sounds like she scheduled the baptism and wanted to help the mother and son out if they needed anything to help make the occasion of the baptism special.

I put “church secretary” in quotes because it’s possible that this wasn’t just a secretary. Our parish “church secretary” is a “pastoral associate,” which in our diocese means that she has gone through some pretty extensive ministry training (several years) and knows the Church teachings. I’m guessing that she did all things correctly for ElizabethECB and her precious son.

Praise the Lord for this kind “church secretary” and blessings upon ElizabethECB and her son!

 

[BoysMama]

My 8 year old started at a Catholic school when he was baptized but did not do any additional preparation. They were preparing for first communion at school. My mom is Catholic and was his Godmother. My dad is not and stood in as a proxy for my cousin who lived further away and could not come.

 

[Prodigirl]

I could be wrong but I have heard of cases where there is a godparent who cannot be present at the baptism because of distance. In that case, the pastor might agree to have a proxy godparent stand in for the actual godparent. The actual godparent must still qualify as a practicing Catholic and have an authorization from his pastor.

I had a proxy godmother for my daughter’s baptism because my sister could not be there. This shouldn’t be as hard as it sounds …

 

[ElizabethECB]

CLARIFICATION:
Goodness! In my rush to post the good news I ended up wording what happened inappropriately. My apologies to all: EasterJoy, felsguy, and Cat thank you for your detailed responses! What I had meant to say was that our “parish secretary” volunteered to be my son’s sponser/godparent!

BoysMama and Prodigil, thank you for the information in any case on baptizing from a distance as I know of a few people this may assist and perhaps someone struggling who happens to read these posts. The trouble with my sister was not the distance to be traveled but, the fact that she did not ever take the baptismal class required to be a valid sponsor/godparent. I had asked my sister to be his sponsor and she unfortunately never took the class so she was unable to be his sponsor. My sister does come to my town on occasion and the class is offered in her town as well so I suppose her busy schedule was the culprit. Sorry to confuse.
In any case I’m just happy that my son is finally getting baptized today! Oh yes, and our parish priest will most certainly be conducting the services

 

[Cat]

That’s wonderful! Blessings upon your and your son! Store this memory in your heart and ponder it often through the years.