Need Advice to help a friend

[ShanaA1984]

Hello all, I need some advice in order to better help my best friend.

My best friend called me this morning deeply upset because she recently found out that her husband of less than 2 years just confessed to her that he has been viewing porn.

Now she is very hurt after finding this out and has turned to me for support, but I am at a loss on what I should tell her or how to help her other than reassuring her that her husband does love her. They have been in marriage counciling since 6 weeks after they got married and are both currently unemployed, going back to school and living with her parents. So that stress is high for the both of them is an understatement. Any advice that I can pass along to her would be helpful thanks.

 

[Ophelia23]

This is something I have been through as well, so I am answering this from the perspective of a wife who has encountered this with her husband, and worked through it.

I feel the most important step is twofold: 1) She can’t judge him and 2) She can’t shame him. Is he wrong? Yes. They need to talk through this, and he needs to change his behavior, but it is SO important that she approach him as the Father would approach us: with love, integrity, and a desire for his return to purity. If she only approaches him with her hurt, her feelings of being inadequate, her needs, it will not be successful.

When my husband was doing this, my knee-jerk reaction was that it was an offense against me. In a way, it definitely was–it defiled something sacred that should be just between us. But it was bigger than me and bigger than us. This was an evil that he was being plagued with, and he needed my prayer. He needed my encouragement and my support, and he NEEDED my love.

It is so hard, but they can work through this with prayer. Prayer, and a lot of uncomfortable conversations. My heart aches for this couple–please be assured that they are in my prayers as well!

 

[IrishRush]

I think it’s good that he’s admitted this to her, if he did it from the perspective of confessing it with the desire or intention of changing his behavior. As another poster said, going at him judgmentally would only hurt his efforts probably. I think the best next step is to talk. Really talk this out - find out why he feels the need for the pornography and maybe try to address the change from that perspective.
And I would also advise prayer - often. That will help her and her husband.
All the best to your friend and her husband, I’ll pray for them.