Need advice...

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apromisemade

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I hope this is the appropriate place to put this… If not I apologize.

I have a 14 year old friend that I met and talk with online who is very self destructive; self-mutilation, eating disorder, casual sex, the works, and she recently posed this question to me…

“Do you think once a bad thing happens to somebody, some get stuck in a cycle of bad things and then God stops caring about them?”

What does one say to something like that?
 
I would say, if He did not turn away from those who nailed Him to a cross, He wouldn’t turn away from anyone. Jesus loved them even then and prayed that the Father would forgive them. He’s always ready to welcome us back… always loves, always cares. God IS love.
 
Tell her that there are people who will pray to God for her, that she will come to love herself and re-connect herself with His love.

Tell her that when the clouds cover the sun for days, above the clouds the sun is still shining. She can only see the clouds of her mistakes…but the love of God for her is still shining.

Tell her that in Australia there is a lady who will now keep her gently in her prayers and daily Masses always.

With love, Trishie
Sending her a hug
 
Yes, they can get stuck in a cycle of bad things. It’s called bondage. But God will never stop loving someone. He can take anything, including the mistakes she’s made, and have them work for the good of her soul. If she doesn’t believe it, have her read Romans 8:28-39.

This “cycle of bad things” can be broken by conversion to God. The casual sex has got to go. Is she Catholic? If so she needs Confession, a return to the Sacraments, and to begin keeping the precepts of the Church - which is the absolute minimum a Catholic should do to keep a spiritual pulse going.

As far as the eating disorder and self-mutilation goes, where are her parents? She needs professional help for those things.
 
That God never stops caring and looking for those who have lost Him. That God is love and compassion and that when she weeps He weeps for her too.
“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying? And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray." Matt18:12-13
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For if you return to the LORD, your brethren and your children will be treated with compassion by those who lead them captive, so that they may come back to this land; for the LORD your God is gracious and merciful, and will not turn His face from you if you return to Him.” 2 Chronicles 30;9
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Thank you all so much for your feedback! It’s very helpful for communicating with her!
This “cycle of bad things” can be broken by conversion to God. The casual sex has got to go. Is she Catholic? If so she needs Confession, a return to the Sacraments, and to begin keeping the precepts of the Church - which is the absolute minimum a Catholic should do to keep a spiritual pulse going.
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As far as the eating disorder and self-mutilation goes, where are her parents? She needs professional help for those things.
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She is not Catholic. Though I think it would help her a lot. It’s not so much that she looks for sex, as she put it to me “I just can’t say no.”

As far as her “parents”…

Her “mother” divorced her father when she was small and took her younger sisters, but not her.
She is now living with her “father” who is a chronic alcoholic that physically and sexually abuses her.

Small wonder she doesn’t value herself.

I am doing my best to support her and encourage to trust in God and hold strong to her faith, but there’s only so much I can really do because we’ve never actually met in person. We’ve only ever communicated online.

Which is sooooooooo frustrating.
 
apromisemade said:
She is now living with her “father” who is a chronic alcoholic that physically and sexually abuses her.
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There has got to be some way to get in touch with authorities to help her. If you know what state she’s in, I’d contact law enforcement there and tell them the website and the information I quoted above. They’d be able to conduct an investigation and locate her.

You could contact the administrator of whatever website you’re on, tell them a child user is in trouble and the details. They may help you report the abuse.

You don’t have to sit back and feel helpless just because it’s on the internet. If I didn’t know what state she lives in, I’d try federal authorities, or the National Child Abuse Hotline, 1-800-4-A-CHILD.

I would also encourage her to tell a teacher or counselor at school. That is one of the fastest ways to have child services get involved.

She needs to be rescued from this situation before she can even begin to deal with the spiritual healing end of this. Let us all pray she gets the help she needs.
 
“What do you think? If a man has a hundred sheep, and one of them goes astray, does he not leave the ninety-nine and go to the mountains to seek the one that is straying? And if he should find it, assuredly, I say to you, he rejoices more over that sheep than over the ninety-nine that did not go astray." Matt18:12-13
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I emailed this quote to her. Hopefully it will touch her.
 
She needs to be rescued from this situation before she can even begin to deal with the spiritual healing end of this.
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Believe me, I’ve tried.

I’ve called state, local, and national hotlines. All the information I have about her is her name, the city and state she lives in, and the school she goes to. I would have thought that would be enough, but nooooooo. Apparently unless I can give them her full name, exact address, fathers name, and telephone number, there’s nothing they can do.

I’ve urged her to tell someone of authority in her life, but she is too consumed by guilt and fear. She told me once,

“I don’t want to get him in trouble. I still love him because he’s my dad, and I know he’s only doing it because he’s hurt to. I just wish he would get better so my family could be happy again. I want him to come out of his drunken coma and be my dad again, he wasn’t alway like this. Sometimes I don’t think he really know what he’s doing”

That breaks my heart. I am several years older than her but it absolutely brings me to tears the grace and compassion with which this child carrys her most underserved burden.
 
That is such a shame that law enforcement will not help. I guess the level of response you get varies by the state. 😦

I will keep your friend in my prayers.
 
I would say God did not turn his back on her, she has turned her back on him.

From a distance and online is hard to deal with this. See if you can get her to go to a retreat at church over the weekend or involved in a youth group in her town. Breaking out of this will not be easy and she will have to decide to change her life. You may be in the best position to talk her into a life changing event. Maybe ask you Priest how to do this and he may be able to have help set up for her in her town if she accepts help.
 
apromisemade said:
Believe me, I’ve tried.
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One last thing you could try is getting in contact with a counselor at her school, and let them know you are concerned because a teenager claiming to be a student at their school has said online that she is being physically and sexually abused by her father. Then list all the information you have on her that could help them identify the student.

Most schools have a website with a staff listing, often with email addresses. At the very least it should be easy to track down a phone number to the school.
 
apromisemade
I’ve called state, local, and national hotlines. All the information I have about her is her name, the city and state she lives in, and the school she goes to. I would have thought that would be enough, but nooooooo. Apparently unless I can give them her full name, exact address, fathers name, and telephone number, there’s nothing they can do.
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If this friend is being sexually abused by her father, as you state, then you have no choice but to give the authorities all the information necessary. Your name will remain anonymous however.

You really have no choice here.

Jim
 
JimR-OCDS said:
apromisemade
If this friend is being sexually abused by her father, as you state, then you have no choice but to give the authorities all the information necessary. Your name will remain anonymous however.

You really have no choice here.

Jim
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It’s not that I’m not giving them all the information, it’s just that I don’t have all the apparently necessary information.
 
The problem is that there may be more than one girl with the same name at that school and in that city. We have had students with the same names at our school. The extra information is to avoid making a dreadful mistake.
Why not suggest that you send her something (a new year’s gift?) through the post and that way she may give you her address.
 
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