Need advice

[MsAnne]

I don’t want to go into too much detail but I’m really feeling sick over something and don’t know what to do.

We are converts to the Faith and have been at the same Parish for several years.

After several months it became very apparent that several core members of the parish do not like our family. Now trust me, I realize that not everybody is going to like us or want to befriend us, but this is different in that they will glare at us, talk about us, go out of their way to walk away when we are near, and just make us feel very uncomfortable at Mass or other events. As I said these are core members that are at everything.

I tell you the truth when I say I don’t know what we have done. I have never spoken an unkind word about any of them or anybody at our Church. I honestly didn’t even know the one lady’s name until about a year after it all started. I have tried to reach out with a few cheery “hellos” etc. I realize it is entirely possible that they have perceived something we have done in the wrong way or that I or one of my other family members have without realizing it offended them, but i don’t know what it could be.

I had originally thought, that if we just let it go, and volunteered a bit etc. that eventually things would smooth over and while they may not become our friends they would at least accept us. That has not happened. In fact it seems worse in that a few more of their friend have joined in.

This just doesn’t seem like the way Church is suppossed to be. I know we are all sinners. I know I may have done something, but I’m just warn out from coming to Church feeling peaceful and having one of their actions effect me so negatively, or coming to church seeking peace after a hard week and having things made worse.

I am not a confrontational person. I want to talk to them, but honestly just the thought of approaching them sends my stomach into flips and my heart racing. I admit I’m somewhat introverted, but I do say hello and smile and if people talk to me I always attempt to continue the conversation with them, asking about them etc.

I don’t know what to do about this. It just makes me feel very sad and I have cried over it more times than I probably should have.

 

[Em_in_FL]

First off… I’m sorry you’re feeling this way…

Are you *SURE *they are mad at you?
How do you know they are talking ABOUT YOU?
Are your kids (do you have kids?) in any way connected with their kids?
How else (other than church) do they *KNOW *you?

I’m asking these questions because by the sound of your post it appears that you don’t even really know them at all, right? So, why are you making assumptions that they don’t like you or have reason to not like you if they don’t even know you?

You mentioned being introverted, which I know can be a terrible burden. Could you be misinterpreting their personalities?

Prayers for your situation.

 

[MsAnne]

First off… I’m sorry you’re feeling this way…

Are you *SURE *they are mad at you?
How do you know they are talking ABOUT YOU?
Are your kids (do you have kids?) in any way connected with their kids?
How else (other than church) do they *KNOW *you?

I’m asking these questions because by the sound of your post it appears that you don’t even really know them at all, right? So, why are you making assumptions that they don’t like you or have reason to not like you if they don’t even know you?

You mentioned being introverted, which I know can be a terrible burden. Could you be misinterpreting their personalities?

Prayers for your situation.

As I said I didn’t want to give too much detail.

It is quite clear they do not like us. Please don’t make this into, I’m imagining it. I am not. I was approached by another lady, who asked me what I had done to cause the other to not like us. That is how I learned her name.

Edited to say, we did have contact with some of the others very early on.

You’ve made me realize though, that it sounds crazy to explain and others will never understand unless they are dealing with it themselves. I would just delete the original post but it’s too late to edit it.

 

[hazcompat]

What a wonderful opportunity. Advocate for them. Bless them from your heart.

Words and Prayers of St. Isaac the Syrian

Let yourself be persecuted, but do not persecute others.
Be crucified, but do not crucify others.
Be slandered, but do not slander others.
Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep: such is the sign of purity.
Suffer with the sick.
Be afflicted with sinners.
Exult with those who repent.
Be the friend of all, but in your spirit remain alone.
Be a partaker of the sufferings of all, but keep your body distant from all.
Rebuke no one, revile no one, not even those who live very wickedly.
Spread your cloak over those who fall into sin, each and every one, and shield them.
And if you cannot take the fault on yourself and accept punishment in their place,
do not destroy their character.

peace

 

[hazcompat]

Matthew 5:43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ 44But I say to you, love your enemies, and pray for those who persecute you, 45that you may be children of your heavenly Father, for he makes his sun rise on the bad and the good, and causes rain to fall on the just and the unjust. 46For if you love those who love you, what recompense will you have? Do not the tax collectors* do the same? 47And if you greet your brothers only, what is unusual about that? Do not the pagans do the same?* 48So be perfect,* just as your heavenly Father is perfect

peace

 

[Em_in_FL]

As I said I didn’t want to give too much detail.

It is quite clear they do not like us. Please don’t make this into, I’m imagining it. I am not. I was approached by another lady, who asked me what I had done to cause the other to not like us. That is how I learned her name.

Edited to say, we did have contact with some of the others very early on.

You’ve made me realize though, that it sounds crazy to explain and others will never understand unless they are dealing with it themselves. I would just delete the original post but it’s too late to edit it.

Sorry if my post came off wrong… I guess it’s just difficult to understand with a vague story line through a computer screen. I wasn’t suggesting you were imagining it.

I agree with the others… pray for them!

 

[shainski]

What you describes must be very difficult. I’m sorry.

If you are in a large metropolitan area with multiple churches, i might just be inclined to start over somewhere else. Even in the community i live in there are two Catholic churches within a mile. The personalities of the congregations are so different. I am not the only one who has noticed - One of them seems kind of stuck up and elitist, and the other seems down-to-earth and welcoming. it’s hard to understand since they both serve basically the same community.

People can behave this way out of snobbishness - they feel better than others - but they can also act this way out of jealousy. Others simply do not know how to approach others and are left staring at them wondering what it is they can do to approach these unusual newcomers. I’m curious - is there something that is vastly different than these people - in your culture or your race or your age or your mode of dress? Are you a rich person in a poor area or a poor person in a rich area? You don’t have to answer since you don’t want to divulge too much - i’m just wondering if there is something that makes you a curiosity. Are there are other new members that they seem warmer to?

However, since it doesn’t seem like you did anything to initiate this, then you can’t be sure if it is something that you have done - or something that you are.

If these are “core members of the church”, then you might do well to get your priest involved. And i wouldn’t start off by accusing them of anything, but rather, ask your priest for help. Explain that you think you must have offended some members of the congregation in some way, but you don’t what it is that you have done. The priest may very well know who you are talking about and might give you insight in how to deal with these individuals.

 

[Winter_Warlock]

MsAnne,

I am sorry you are going through this. The fact is – just because someone goes go church does not mean that they follow the faith. If you bring young children then some people get angry if they act as children, forgetting what their children were like or if they never had kids themselves. And some people have an attitude that if you are new to the faith and have not been raised Catholic then you are “less” than they, that whole “holier than thou” attitude.

There could be several reasons but the fact is that you are not at fault!

Do not get discouraged with these people, remember you are there to give thanks and praise to God. If theses so called “faithful” people have an attitude where they choose not to love their brother or sister as themselves then that is something that they will have to face.

But the best advice I can offer is to talk with the parish Priest and discuss with him some of the things that are going on, he does not have to confront this people as that could cause more problems, but maybe he could offer a homily as to welcoming new members. Reinforcing that we are to love our neighbors, and treat each other with respect at the bare minimum. And if they continue to have that attitude then the next thing to do not give a rats-butt what they think or do. Do not let them be in control of your happiness, effect you faith, or you love for God.

Remember you are there for God not for those fools that want to pretend they are there for God.

Winter

 

[1ke]

Bullies are like cockroaches, they thrive in the dark. Shine the light of day on them. Confront the weakest member of the clique, away from the others, and ask her what is going on.