Need Advice:

[The_Bucket]

I don’t see it as that big of an ultimatum if the move is going to be six months from now. I’m actually in agreement with the other posters who are saying you need to make a call.

The way I see it, she has this attitude: “It’s been two years and I don’t want to hang around in a city and job I don’t like if I have no future with this man.”

I concur with Kelfa and TRJ that ultimatums are dangerous and power plays are not good for a relationship. But saying “I want to move in six months, what do you want to do?” is not the same as “IT’S ME OR THE JOB.”

Honestly, two years is long enough to make a decision. Fish or cut bait. And if you cut bait that doesn’t mean you can’t reload the reel at another point and try to catch that same fish! I’m not in favor of going out and buying a ring to fix this. I’m saying that at two years you need to have a serious discussion about it and pull the trigger on one decision or another.

What I don’t think you should do is move according to her desires and remain boyfriend and girlfriend. That would make no sense.

 

[Lorelei12]

I don’t see it as that big of an ultimatum if the move is going to be six months from now. I’m actually in agreement with the other posters who are saying you need to make a call.

The way I see it, she has this attitude: “It’s been two years and I don’t want to hang around in a city and job I don’t like if I have no future with this man.”

I concur with Kelfa and TRJ that ultimatums are dangerous and power plays are not good for a relationship. But saying “I want to move in six months, what do you want to do?” is not the same as “IT’S ME OR THE JOB.”

Honestly, two years is long enough to make a decision. Fish or cut bait. And if you cut bait that doesn’t mean you can’t reload the reel at another point and try to catch that same fish! I’m not in favor of going out and buying a ring to fix this. I’m saying that at two years you need to have a serious discussion about it and pull the trigger on one decision or another.

What I don’t think you should do is move according to her desires and remain boyfriend and girlfriend. That would make no sense.

Agree with this. There is a difference between “move with me or we’re done” and “I miss my family and friends and hate my job, and I’m not happy here so I’ve decided to move. I’d like it if you came with me.”

The latter isn’t manipulative, it’s just her setting her own boundaries. The OP can either decide he wants to make it clear he intends to marry her, and maybe then she’d consider staying or some other compromise. Or he can wish her well and stay where he is. There isn’t really a right or wrong answer here- it really depends on whether they both want a future together and the extent each one of them is willing to sacrifice for that.

 

[Powercat]

I don’t see it as that big of an ultimatum if the move is going to be six months from now. I’m actually in agreement with the other posters who are saying you need to make a call.

The way I see it, she has this attitude: “It’s been two years and I don’t want to hang around in a city and job I don’t like if I have no future with this man.”

I concur with Kelfa and TRJ that ultimatums are dangerous and power plays are not good for a relationship. But saying “I want to move in six months, what do you want to do?” is not the same as “IT’S ME OR THE JOB.”

Honestly, two years is long enough to make a decision. Fish or cut bait. And if you cut bait that doesn’t mean you can’t reload the reel at another point and try to catch that same fish! I’m not in favor of going out and buying a ring to fix this. I’m saying that at two years you need to have a serious discussion about it and pull the trigger on one decision or another.

What I don’t think you should do is move according to her desires and remain boyfriend and girlfriend. That would make no sense.

You are correct, that is the attitude she has. Your advice has been spot on.

 

[The_Bucket]

Thanks OP. Good luck on your decision. Be sure you’re not making it alone. This kind of thing requires a good amount of prayer. Be guided by the Holy Spirit!