Need Advise, Confession, Masturbation, Skipping Days of Obligation

[lucien123]

I’d really appreciate advise, right now I’m not in the mood to talk to my priest. I’m being completly honest here, I have issues, they might not be the worst in the world but they put me in a bad state, DESPITE that I try my best to live well in accordance to my faith, as well as doing what Is good for people, BUT sometimes I trip and that doesnt happen.

There are lots of things I could rant about, but the 2 Biggest things that I think are obstructing me at this time are Masturbation and Skipping Holy days of Obligation.

1. Masturbation, I often confess this but at the same time I often do it (I’m a 21 year old guy), and I guess its partially homone related. I have overcome lust, I no longer think like that, but sometimes I get a bodily urge. I personally do not consider this to be bad, because unlike 90 % of people I know that are my age, I never had sex and I dont intend to until I get married (if that does happen)

My question for this is, should I really go to confession every single time this happens? I know for a fact that many catholics struggle with this. Please advise…

1. The Second thing, Skipping Days of Obligation

I do not wilfully do this, my father was a sailor and as a result I spent 9 years of my childhood on the seas with him, as a result I have grown detached away from the rest of the society in general and Im also inclined to spend lots of time by myself. I am highly introverted and need to be alone for periods of time, before and after interacting with people.

I never attend parties, clubs, gatherings etc, etc I find them too chaotic, too crowded, too many people conforming to each other under the control of drugs, deejays, and madness, etc.

Crowds put me in a bad mood, I have nothing against meeting up a couple people, but I become defensive in large groups, I feel as if my space is being violated and I have a tendnecy to become violent in crowds, I cant really help it and as a result, I avoid crowds at all costs, CROWDS INCLUDING MASSES on Days of obligation, even some Sunday masses are too much for me to handle.

I try to go to them, but when I enter the church and see alot of people I just run back out. So far Ive settled for just regular masses on weekdays when there are less people in church. It has been more than 6 years since the last time that I’ve attended a day of obligation, I have been through alot of things in my life, close to death many times but Crowds are just something that I do not have the courage to face, even if they happen to be crowded masses at church.

This is all I really wanted to say. I know I may be wrong, but that’s why I’m asking for advise here.

Thanks for any replies,
Lucien

 

[floresco]

1. Masturbation, I often confess this but at the same time I often do it (I’m a 21 year old guy), and I guess its partially homone related. I have overcome lust, I no longer think like that, but sometimes I get a bodily urge. I personally do not consider this to be bad, because unlike 90 % of people I know that are my age, I never had sex and I dont intend to until I get married (if that does happen)

My question for this is, should I really go to confession every single time this happens? I know for a fact that many catholics struggle with this. Please advise…

You seem to be putting your personal opinions about what feels bad above Church teaching. The Church teaches it is a sin every time it happens and therefore it needs to be confessed every time it happens. Putting your personal judgment over the Church is a far worse thing than masturbation. And trying to justify it by saying that you are better than most people your age is a spiritually disastrous way of thinking. Never compare yourself to others. Compare yourself to the standard set by God.

I try to go to them, but when I enter the church and see alot of people I just run back out. So far Ive settled for just regular masses on weekdays when there are less people in church. It has been more than 6 years since the last time that I’ve attended a day of obligation, I have been through alot of things in my life, close to death many times but Crowds are just something that I do not have the courage to face, even if they happen to be crowded masses at church.

I am introverted too although not as extreme as you. Perhaps you can find an early morning Sunday Mass that does not have so many people, but if you can’t, I suspect that you do have a legitimate reason for missing Mass. Rather than deciding this on your own (or based on forum advice) you should talk to a priest about this.

 

[lucien123]

Floresco, thanks for the reply. I guess you’re right about following the standard set by god.

 

[marty1818]

Lucien,
Have you been to the doctor for your anxiety? It is possible that you have some type of anxiety disorder that could be helped by medication or therapy.

 

[triumphguy]

I’d agree. Go chat with your doctor.

Being introverted and having the feelings you are having while in a crowd are not the same thing.

 

[Melchior_1]

Floresco, thanks for the reply. I guess you’re right about following the standard set by god.

Cliff notes; she’s right.

As for the frequency of receiving the Sacrament of Confession, I asked my old priest about it once while receiving Confession. I told him that over the course of a few months, I was getting upset with myself, that due to continually falling in a couple of areas (habitual sin) I had to go to Confession every week. Every. Week. It literally reached the point where they started offering it Sunday evening for the entire parish because I was asking him every week before Sunday night Mass “hey, are you available?”.

I was going because I had to go. I didn’t want to go because I had to go, I wanted to reach the stage where I went to Confession because I wanted to go. I was seriously getting angry at myself, and at God.

My priest then told me something that stuck with me; “it’s possible that you need this Sacrament for your spiritual growth. God is taking the bad in your life, this sin, and perhaps is trying to form you in a positive way through the use of this Sacrament. Every time you receive this Sacrament you obtain Grace, so perhaps you need all of this Grace to overcome the sin in your life”.

The man had a point, and it changed my outlook. I still go every week (same time, same place), but my attitude has been much different with it.

Yeah, I need to go. But I know I need the Grace to get anywhere with overcoming these sins and moving ahead with life, so now I want to go.

Every week. And I’d go more if my schedule permitted it.

 

[Pug]

Lucien,

You may have holy day of obligation options that you don’t know about. For example, near me there is a hospital chapel. I’d never have thought of that without someone telling me. That can be empty except for the priest. A priest might actually be able to best direct you in this regard, since he knows the other priests in the area. Ask if there are any masses that practically no one attends, like that hospital chapel mass.

Or it might be okay for you to sit in the cry room (possibly empty at early hours). Ask your priest what options there are. Some parishes have a cry room walled off from the rest of the people.

 

[Lancer]

You are going to be okay…God’s grace is working in you right now…the questions…the struggles…the pains…are all signs that God is working on your soul…out of love and his great desire to give you freedom and peace…Rejoice…the Risen Christ, Our Lord Jesus is with you. The following is simply for your consideration…prayers and best for and to you.
Pax Christi

Three books for your consideration…all by a priest who is also a psychologist/psychiatrist…

Arise from Darkness: What to Do When Life Doesn’t Make Sense [Paperback]
Fr. Benedict J. Groeschel
amazon.com/Arise-Darkness-What-Doesnt-Sense/dp/0898705258

The Journey Toward God: In the Footsteps of the Great Spiritual Writers - Catholic, Protestant, and Orthodox [Paperback]
Fr. Benedict J. Groeschel. C.F.R.

amazon.com/The-Journey-Toward-God-Protestant/dp/1569551499/ref=sr_1_10?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334508764&sr=1-10

The Courage to Be Chaste by Benedict J. Groeschel
amazon.com/The-Courage-Chaste-Benedict-Groeschel/dp/0809127059/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1334508940&sr=1-1

Lastly, scripture…for your consideration. These verses will likely seem hard…but the are God’s truth…we must see and judge our life based on Jesus…because Jesus himself said:

John 14:6 (RSV-CE)

6* Jesus said to him, "I am the way, and the truth, and the life; no one comes to the Father, but by me.

jmom.honlam.org/rsvce/

**Athanasian Grail Psalter

Psalm 4(4) Cum invocarem**

.2 When I call, answer me, O God of justice;
from anguish you released me, have mercy and hear me!

.3 O men, how long will your hearts be closed,
will you love what is futile and seek what is false?

.4 It is the Lord who grants favors to those whom he loves;
the Lord hears me whenever I call him.

.5 Fear him; do not sin: ponder on your bed and be still
.6 Make justice your sacrifice, and trust in the Lord.

.7 “What can bring us happiness?” many say.
Lift up the light of your face on us, O Lord.

.8 You have put into my heart a greater joy
than they have from abundance of corn and new wine.

.9 I will lie down in peace and sleep comes at once
for you alone, Lord, make me dwell in safety.

athanasius.com/psalms/psalms1.html#4

**Romans 1: 17-32 (RSV-CE)
**

17* For in it the righteousness of God is revealed through faith for faith; as it is written, “He who through faith is righteous shall live.” * 18* For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and wickedness of men who by their wickedness suppress the truth. 19 For what can be known about God is plain to them, because God has shown it to them. 20* Ever since the creation of the world his invisible nature, namely, his eternal power and deity, has been clearly perceived in the things that have been made. So they are without excuse; 21* for although they knew God they did not honor him as God or give thanks to him, but they became futile in their thinking and their senseless minds were darkened. 22 Claiming to be wise, they became fools, 23* and exchanged the glory of the immortal God for images resembling mortal man or birds or animals or reptiles. 24 **Therefore God gave them up in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, to the dishonoring of their bodies among themselves, 25 because they exchanged the truth about God for a lie and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed for ever! Amen. 26 ** For this reason God gave them up to dishonorable passions. Their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural, 27 and the men likewise gave up natural relations with women and were consumed with passion for one another, men committing shameless acts with men and receiving in their own persons the due penalty for their error. 28 And since they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them up to a base mind and to improper conduct. 29 They were filled with all manner of wickedness, evil, covetousness, malice. Full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malignity, they are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, insolent, haughty, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 foolish, faithless, heartless, ruthless. 32 Though they know God’s decree that those who do such things deserve to die, they not only do them but approve those who practice them.

Romans 13: 11-14 (RSV-CE)
**
11 Besides this you know what hour it is, how it is full time now for you to wake from sleep. For salvation is nearer to us now than when we first believed; 12 the night is far gone, the day is at hand. Let us then cast off the works of darkness and put on the armor of light; 13* let us conduct ourselves becomingly as in the day, not in reveling and drunkenness, not in debauchery and licentiousness, not in quarreling and jealousy. 14*** But put on the Lord Jesus Christ, and make no provision for the flesh, to gratify its desires**.

jmom.honlam.org/rsvce/

 

[JDFatalist]

I dont think you are doing anything wrong, but I don’t really think you are looking for non-Catholic opinions. I will say though, that masturbation is perfectly natural, and personally, if you are going to confess everytime you do it, what’s the point? It only sounds to me like it encourages you to do it some more since you can go back and repent. If you are sincere, then you will try to change, but again, personally, I don’t see the suppression of sexual urges to be a good thing

 

[TrueLight]

… but I don’t really think you are looking for non-Catholic opinions.

I’d say that’s a good assumption.

 

[Corki]

.

1. Masturbation, I often confess this but at the same time I often do it (I’m a 21 year old guy), and I guess its partially homone related. I have overcome lust, I no longer think like that, but sometimes I get a bodily urge. I personally do not consider this to be bad, because unlike 90 % of people I know that are my age, I never had sex and I dont intend to until I get married (if that does happen)

My question for this is, should I really go to confession every single time this happens? I know for a fact that many catholics struggle with this. Please advise…

First of all, bless you for being in the minority of men who want to wait until marriage to have sex. That being said, you owe it to your future wife to try to conquer this sin. Yes, go to Confession often. Yes, educate yourself on why it’s wrong in order to form your conscience. A well formed conscience is essential to having contrition and a firm ammendment to change. And look for resources on chastity to help you to stay pure.

 

[JDFatalist]

I’d say that’s a good assumption.

Well, I made the option available, my work here is done

 

[Giuseppe_Gavino]

There are lots of things I could rant about, but the 2 Biggest things that I think are obstructing me at this time are Masturbation and Skipping Holy days of Obligation.

1. Masturbation, I often confess this but at the same time I often do it (I’m a 21 year old guy), and I guess its partially homone related. I have overcome lust, I no longer think like that, but sometimes I get a bodily urge. I personally do not consider this to be bad, because unlike 90 % of people I know that are my age, I never had sex and I dont intend to until I get married (if that does happen)

My question for this is, should I really go to confession every single time this happens? I know for a fact that many catholics struggle with this. Please advise…

Hello Lucien,

Yes, you should go to confession because in confession we receive the graces to conquer these sins; provided we actually want to conquer them. Being someone who has to carry the cross of lust addiction, I can tell you right now that masturbation is very harmful to us spiritually and I believe mentally. We must understand that what the body wants and what the body needs can be two different things and that most of the time they are at war with what the spirit needs. All things have their proper time and place, my friend. Sex has its proper place inside of marriage, and only then. The same concept can be applied to food and when to eat. My body may have the urge to eat but this urge isn’t always necessary to indulge. Sometimes I have the urge to eat because I’m emotionally driven to eat and not because my body actually needs food. Food, like sex, has its proper time and place. Also FYI both food and sex are linked to each other. Most temptations to impurity will happen after indulging in food so be on your guard and maybe practice fasting.

Keep up the good work and fighting the good fight.

 

[Crumpy]

A previous post quoted from the letter of Paul to the Romans.

Paul’s teaching is that in Baptism we have died with Christ. That means that our bodies should be as corpses with respect to temptations to sin.

This is not an automatic thing that happens to us at baptism, that we stop sinning by some supernatural force. What it is, is that we should have control over our free will. If you want to say the mind is in control over the “flesh” that would be very Paul-like to say that.

The teaching of the Catholic Church (in the Catechism) is very confusing. It says that masturbation is “grave” matter. But, then it hedges saying that there are a whole lot of things to consider in assessing the gravity of masturbation and deciding the final burden of sin that it involved, suggesting that it may be minimal.

Keep in mind that both the Old Testament and the New Testament teach us that we should stop sinning against God. Jesus tells the woman caught in adultery to ‘go and sin no more.’

Paul tells us to keep our eyes fixed on Jesus – and him crucified. When we consider the gravity and serious of sin, how Jesus died FOR our sins, etc. we should develop a whole lot of resistence to sinning – in general.

A lot of people have done bad things to me, VERY bad things, and my constant temptation is to not forgive them. Remember? Jesus said, “forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us” ? I can’t decide if I should have forgiven them already, in my heart, or if my forgiveness is something to do in the future, if they should come around me again, in the future. Anyway you look at my internal struggle over this, it shows that sin may continually haunt us and torture us.

In the sermon on the mount, Jesus said we were blessed, if we suffer for righteousness sake. I think confronting our temptations to sin like masturbation or to not forgive others is suffering for righteousness sake. That is EXACTLY what we are called to do as Christians, to follow the law of love.

We are called to suffer with Christ. That is not only the inescapable suffering of disease that we may contract, but it is the suffering that comes when we use our free will for sanctity and uphold our ability to use our free will to avoid sin.

One of the early church fathers pointed out (hundreds of years ago) that people often sin when they push God away from their lives or when they dismiss the seriousness of the sin they commit. That’s the oldest trap in the book. consider the sin of adam and eve.
Eve offers the rationalization for eating the forbidden fruit. We’re faced with the same choice. We need to chose the tree of life, which is Christ.

Hey, I’m not picking on you, believe me. I’m baring my soul here. it may help to focus on the overall picture and not just on one of the sins that we like the most or that vex us the most. Stay focused on the BIG picture of avoiding ALL sin, including that temptation to that masturbation over there. Remember Deut 6:5 which Jesus quotes in the gospels? We are supposed to love God “with all our strength.” Ask yourself if you don’t have the strength AT ALL to resist masturbation? really? it’s not my business, but be honest with yourself. you have no strength to resist?

 

[lucien123]

Thanks for replies everyone.

 

[pvmkmyer]

Lucien:

Michael Voris, at RealCatholictv.com recently did an entire week of short videos on the sin of masturbation, including practical positive steps you can take to overcome this sin. Look for the link to The Vortex on the website and then search through the videos. I think they were in March, but possibly could be in April, of this year.

Remember that your priest, I am sure, has heard many many people confess to him about masturbation. Remember, too, that some of our greatest saints were also terrible sinners – Mary Magdalene and St. Augustine come to mind just off the top of my head.

We are all striving for perfection and sanctification, and we all stumble and fall. As John Newton said, “I am a great sinner, and Christ is a great Savior.”

God bless.