Need Confession help!

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ndtiger

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I am going to Confession tomorrow for the first time in many years. I have recently returned to the Church.

Is the format still the same? I don’t remember it anyway.

What exactly do you confess? Everything? Should I make a list?

Please help. This is not a joke.
 
Here’s a quick “how-to”:
  • Before you enter the confessional, pray to the Holy Spirit for help, and examine your conscience. (It’s OK to make a list if you want, but not necessary. If you do, be sure to destroy it afterward.)
  • Enter the confessional. (You may have the choice of sitting face-to-face or kneeling behind a screen. It’s okay to peek into the confessional when nobody is there so you will know what to expect.) The priest may greet you in some way. If he says nothing, make the sign of the cross. Then say, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
  • Say “It has been ____________ (how long?) since my last confession” or “This is my first confession.”
  • Confess your sins. You must confess ALL serious (mortal) sins that you remember, in number and kind. (If you deliberately leave out a mortal sin, your confession is invalid and none of your sins are forgiven. If you accidentally forget one, all your sins are forgiven anyway, but you should confess it next time you go to confession.) Simply name the sin and give your best estimate of how many times/how often you have committed it. Start with the difficult ones, the rest will be easy! It is a good idea, although not strictly necessary, to also confess some venial sins, especially those that give you the most trouble and you want to overcome. Confessing them gives you grace to overcome them.
  • The priest will give you some advice. He will give you a penance, usually some prayers or work of charity. Even if you are nervous, try to remember what he asks you to do. If he gives you something you think you can’t do (e.g., a prayer you don’t know), let him know and he may help you locate it or give you a different penance.
  • He will ask you to make an act of contrition (this is a prayer expressing your sorrow). Normally you will pray this right there in the confessional. There are several versions; have one memorized, or bring one in on a piece of paper. Here is the one I use:
O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended Thee, and I detest all my sins because of Thy just punishments, but most of all because they offend Thee, my God, who art all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve, with the help of Thy grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of sin. Amen.
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  • The priest will pray the prayer of absolution, ending with the words, “and I absolve you from your sins in the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.” You respond, “Amen.” You are forgiven … rejoice!
  • The priest will dismiss you. Some priests say the words, “Give thanks to the Lord, for He is good.” Your response would be, “His mercy endures forever.”
  • Thank the priest and leave the confessional.
  • Do the assigned penance. Thank God for His mercy!
 
Dear ndtiger,

My reply was too long! This is part one.

I’d just like to encourage you and assure you that in going to Confession you will be lavished by God’s mercy. The Sacrament of Confession is a great source of grace. You may come out feeling a million bucks, or it may not seem a very emotional moment at all, but, trust me, this is one of the most important things you will ever do!

If it is your first time for a long while, you should tell the priest this. Typically you’d begin a Confession by saying “Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It’s been … since my last Confession”, and then you could add “I’m returning to the Church after … years”. This all helps him to understand the context.

The most important thing to confess is any mortal sins you may have committed. The Catechism explains what a mortal sin is:
  1. its subject must be a grave (or serious) matter;
  2. it must be committed with full knowledge, both of the sin and of the gravity of the offense (though nobody is deemed to be ignorant of the moral law, embedded into the consciences of every human being);
  3. it must be committed with deliberate and complete consent, enough for it to have been a personal decision to commit the sin.
In simpler terms, it’s most important to confess serious sins, where you knew what you were doing and why it was bad, but where you did it deliberately anyway.

Don’t become too concerned about the definition. Just try to confess all of the sins of this type. If you leave something out through genuine forgetfulness, it will be forgiven you anyway, though you should mention it the next time. Try to confess all of the “biggies”. If you’re not sure, just mention it, and say you’re not sure. I’m sorry to assume that you may have committed a mortal sin, as you may have nothing like that on your soul! I’m guessing, though, that you haven’t met your Sunday obligation in the past? This is one to confess.

Do make an examination of conscience beforehand. It’s good that you’re taking it seriously and thinking about it now.

Here is a typical examination of conscience which you could use:

AN EXAMINATION OF CONSCIENCE

Begin by praying to God for his light and grace

Some preliminary questions

Am I determined to courageously call good and evil by their proper name?
Do I sincerely want to be set free from sin, to turn again to God, to begin a new life, and to enter into a deeper friendship with God through this confession?

In past confessions, did I forget to mention, or deliberately conceal, any grave sins?

Have I received Holy Communion while conscious of having committed a mortal sin but not having gone to confession?

Did I perform the penance I was given in my last confession? Did I make reparation for any injury to others? Have I been sincere in my efforts to lead a better life in keeping with the Gospel?

Questions related to the greatest commandment:
“You shall love the Lord your God with your whole heart.”

Is my heart set on God, so that I really love him above all things and am I faithful to his commandments, as a child loves and obeys its father? Or am I more concerned about the things of this world? Have I a right intention in what I do, seeking above all to fulfill the will of God?

God spoke to us in his Son. Is my faith in God firm and secure? Am I wholehearted in accepting the Church’s teaching? Have I been careful to grow in my understanding of the faith, to hear God’s word, to study the doctrine of the Church, to avoid dangers to faith? Have I been strong and fearless in professing my faith in God and the Church? Am I consistent with the faith in public and private life?

Have I prayed morning and evening? When I pray, do I really raise my mind and heart to God or is it a matter of words only? Do I offer God my difficulties, my joys, and my sorrows? Do I turn to God in time of temptation? Do I thank him often for his many favors?

Do I have love and reverence for God’s name? Have I offended him by blasphemy, swearing falsely, or taking his name in vain? Have I shown disrespect for the Blessed Virgin Mary and the saints?

Have I missed Mass on Sundays or Holy Days–or caused others to do so-- through my own fault? Have I participated in Mass with attention and devotion? Have I fulfilled the precept of annual Confession and of Communion during the Easter season?

Are there “false gods” in my life: superstition, spiritism or other occult practices; money or other things, human ambitions or even persons that mean more to me than God does?

Questions related to the commandment of a right love of self and the love of neighbor:
“You shall love your neighbor as yourself”

Where is my life leading me? Is the hope of eternal life my inspiration? Am I really trying to grow in a spiritual life through prayer, reading the word of God and meditating on it, receiving the sacraments, self-denial and acceptance of the sorrows and disappointments of life for the love of Christ? Have I kept the precept of fasting and abstinence? Have I strived to control my vices, my bad inclinations and passions, e.g. envy, love of food and drink? Have I fought especially against self-love or have I been proud and boastful, thinking myself better in the sight of God and despising others as less important than myself? Have I imposed my own will on others, without respecting their freedom and rights?

What use have I made of time, of health and strength, of the gifts God has given me, like the talents of the Gospel? Do I use them for the glory of God and the good of others and my true good? Do I use them fully, or have I been lazy and too much given to leisure?

Do I have a genuine love for my neighbors? Or do I use others for my own ends, or do to them what I would not want done to myself? Have I given grave scandal by my words or actions?

Continued…
 
Part 2!

Here, the examination of conscience is continued:

In my family life, have I contributed to the well-being and happiness of the others by patience and genuine love? Have I been obedient to parents, showing them proper respect and giving them help in their spiritual and material needs? Have I been careful to give a Christian upbringing to my children, and to help them by good example and by exercising authority as a parent? Have I been faithful to my husband / wife in my heart and in my relations with others?

Do I share my possessions with the less fortunate? Do I do my best to help the victims of oppression, misfortune, and poverty? Or do I look down on my neighbor, especially the poor, the sick, the elderly, strangers, and people of other races?
Does my life reflect the mission I received in confirmation? Do I share in the apostolic and charitable works of the Church and in the life of my parish? Have I helped to meet the needs of the Church and of the world and prayed for them: for unity in the Church, for the spread of the Gospel among nations, for peace and justice, etc.?

Am I concerned for the good and prosperity of the human community in which I live, or do I spend my life caring only for myself? Do I share to the best of my ability in the work of promoting justice, morality, harmony, and love in human relations? Have I done my duty as a citizen? Have I paid my taxes?

In my work or profession am I just, hardworking, honest, serving society out of love of others? Have I paid a fair wage to my employees? Have I been faithful to my promises and contracts?

Have I obeyed legitimate authority and given it due respect?

If I am in a position of responsibility or authority, do I use this for my own advantage or for the good of others, in a spirit of service?

Have I done violence to others by damage to life or limb, reputation, honor or material possessions? Have I been responsible for advising an abortion or procuring one? Have I been involved in permitting or encouraging the breakdown of matrimony and its integrity through artificial fertilization? Have I kept up hatred for others? Am I estranged from others through quarrels, enmity, insults, anger? Have I been guilty of refusing to testify to the innocence of another because of selfishness?

Have I kept my senses and my whole body pure and chaste as a temple of the Holy Spirit, consecrated for resurrection and glory, and in order to have the self-mastery and selfless love required to live out my vocation in life? Have I dishonored my body by fornication, impurity, unworthy conversation or thoughts, evil desires, or actions? Have I given in to sensuality? Have I indulged in reading, conversation, shows, and entertainments that offend against Christian and human decency? Have I encouraged others to sin by my own failure to maintain these standards? Have I been faithful to the moral law in my married life? Am I guilty of the sin of contraception?

Have I been truthful and fair, or have I injured others by deceit, calumny, detraction, rash judgment, or violation of a secret?

Have I stolen the property of others? Have I desired it unjustly and inordinately? Have I damaged it? Have I made restitution of other people’s property and made good their loss?

If I have been injured, have I been ready to make peace for the love of Christ and to forgive, or do I harbor hatred and the desire for revenge?
…
In the Confession, just tell the priest your sins. Hint: you could take a list of them in (I still do this - it’s not just for beginners!) so that you make sure to say everything.

He might give you some advice or words of encouragement. Then he’ll give you a penance, which is usually some prayers which you should say as soon as you can afterwards.

He’ll ask you to make an Act of Contrition. If you can’t remember one, you could use one of these, taking it in on a card if necessary:

O my God, I am heartily sorry for having offended You, and I detest all my sins, because of Your just punishments, but most of all because they offend You, my God, who are all good and deserving of all my love. I firmly resolve with the help of Your grace, to sin no more and to avoid the near occasions of
sin.

My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to sin no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior Jesus Christ suffered and died for us. In his name, my God, have mercy.

Then… the words of absolution, where the chains of sin will drop from your body and where you will be reconciled with Christ!

I’ll be praying for you! God bless you, have courage, and trust in God’s mercy!
 
ndtiger, I will be praying for you. I have a friend who just went to his first confession in about 5 or six years. He made a few bad choices (and he’ll admit to that himself), and was really scared, but since then, he has felt much better and he says he feels the grace of God with him more now. This is my favorite, and least favorite, sacrament. It is my favorite in that I can myself feel God’s graces afterwards, and firmly resolving to sin no more has helped me in at least reducing some of the big ones. It’s my least favorite because I used to be a really big know-it-all, so it was hard for me to say that I was ever wrong or mistaken. But since I have come to this, that has started to get much better, and now I try to assume that I don’t know all the answers. Getting closer to knowing I don’t know all the answers.

SianTeresa, thank you so much for your in depth answer. I have been looking for a detailed “instruction manual” for confession. I have never really be sure I’ve been doing it correct, and I wasn’t… :rolleyes: This will be very helpful in the future.

God Bless!
Ericka
 
Here is a link to an examination of conscience that is easier to read and has a couple of good prayers to pray before Confession. (prayer at the top said before examining your conscience and the one at the bottom of page before Confession)
Examination of Conscience
 
Welcome back!

Here is one of my favorite sites to recommend for reconciliation: www.frpat.com/reconciliation It is pretty straightforward and somewhat encouraging.

I was in your shoes several years ago. That confession is still one of the Top Five events in my life.

Stick mainly with the mortal sins you can recall: I missed Mass for ____ years. I used artificial birth control for ____ years. I held up an armored truck. I had sex outside of marriage… I had an abortion… I shot at someone who cut me off in traffic and left them for dead… I was impure with myself…

I always make a list. Just don’t write your name at the top or anything. After that confession after many years, I burned my list. Sometimes I tear it into tiny pieces.

I will say a prayer for you. It is always good news when someone comes back after a “leave of absence”. Never, ever a joke. It is not easy, but it is SO worth it!
 
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