G
Gigielle
Guest
Hi everyone! I am a long time reader of CAF (seriously like once a day atleast) but right now I am looking for answers. Sorry if this post is long ahead of time, but I am truly desperate.
To begin with I was recently diagnosed (about 6 months ago) with Generalized Anxiety Disorder which I believe is borderline OCD. Prior to that I also experienced the loss of about 10 people I knew within a year. It wasn’t so much the loss of family members (my grandmother) that troubled me, it was the loss of multiple students, friends I grew up with our a small town, suicides of teachers, and a youth group member. I suppose this could be described as traumatic, but others have gone through worse. So long story short, after the most recent loss (administrator commits suicide) I started to truly doubt my faith. It wasn’t so much I truly lost a faith in God, it was that I became terrified of death. Now I wonder, how can a true Catholic, a beliver in salvation be terrified of death?
So I sought out my university’s free counseling center. I met twice with counselors who ultimately diagnosed GAD. I honestly don’t think they were pawning off my problems on anything. I have sufferd insomnia and severe phobias for over half my life. I always new something was wrong, but under the wing of my parents I wasn’t free to have it treated. (Parents can be hesitant to admit ANYTHING is wrong with their children, they love them so much). I stopped going to counseling because they honestly acted as if I didn’t need to be there. Granted I have a thing for composure so I don’t think they really understood how bad it was, but cognitive behavior threapy wasn’t cutting it.
Since then I have been grappling with my faith. How can a true believer have such anxieties? I know on the CAF forums people suggest prayer and mass and eucharist but I feel like I have almost tried it all. I go to mass ever Sunday, some times as often as three days a week. I pray fervently nightly and throughout the day. I am not perfect but I avoid the normal college sins (don’t party, swear, honestly even date). But I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I can’t even be honest with myself about how serious the state of my soul is right now.
Ultimately I need advice, both spiritual and secular. For those who suffer from GAD or phsycological disorder, have you tried medication? How did it work out for you? I have tried almost ever “natural” remedy on available and many didn’t work or had strong risks associated with my using it. My parents are vehemently opposed to my being medicated, but like I said, I don’t think anyone realizes the severity of what I go through because from the outside I seriously appear to have a very charmed life and disposition. Spiritually, I need prayers and help. What has helped others when they were grappling with serious doubts about God’s existence, anxiety, or faith? It seems like all the traditional go to’s haven’t allowed God to break through to me yet. I am going on a six week mission this summer and I hope and pray it will change my life, but I need help now
Lastly, thank you all very much for reading this post and I will keep you in my prayers, however weak they may be 
To begin with I was recently diagnosed (about 6 months ago) with Generalized Anxiety Disorder which I believe is borderline OCD. Prior to that I also experienced the loss of about 10 people I knew within a year. It wasn’t so much the loss of family members (my grandmother) that troubled me, it was the loss of multiple students, friends I grew up with our a small town, suicides of teachers, and a youth group member. I suppose this could be described as traumatic, but others have gone through worse. So long story short, after the most recent loss (administrator commits suicide) I started to truly doubt my faith. It wasn’t so much I truly lost a faith in God, it was that I became terrified of death. Now I wonder, how can a true Catholic, a beliver in salvation be terrified of death?
So I sought out my university’s free counseling center. I met twice with counselors who ultimately diagnosed GAD. I honestly don’t think they were pawning off my problems on anything. I have sufferd insomnia and severe phobias for over half my life. I always new something was wrong, but under the wing of my parents I wasn’t free to have it treated. (Parents can be hesitant to admit ANYTHING is wrong with their children, they love them so much). I stopped going to counseling because they honestly acted as if I didn’t need to be there. Granted I have a thing for composure so I don’t think they really understood how bad it was, but cognitive behavior threapy wasn’t cutting it.
Since then I have been grappling with my faith. How can a true believer have such anxieties? I know on the CAF forums people suggest prayer and mass and eucharist but I feel like I have almost tried it all. I go to mass ever Sunday, some times as often as three days a week. I pray fervently nightly and throughout the day. I am not perfect but I avoid the normal college sins (don’t party, swear, honestly even date). But I don’t know what else to do. I feel like I can’t even be honest with myself about how serious the state of my soul is right now.
Ultimately I need advice, both spiritual and secular. For those who suffer from GAD or phsycological disorder, have you tried medication? How did it work out for you? I have tried almost ever “natural” remedy on available and many didn’t work or had strong risks associated with my using it. My parents are vehemently opposed to my being medicated, but like I said, I don’t think anyone realizes the severity of what I go through because from the outside I seriously appear to have a very charmed life and disposition. Spiritually, I need prayers and help. What has helped others when they were grappling with serious doubts about God’s existence, anxiety, or faith? It seems like all the traditional go to’s haven’t allowed God to break through to me yet. I am going on a six week mission this summer and I hope and pray it will change my life, but I need help now
Lastly, thank you all very much for reading this post and I will keep you in my prayers, however weak they may be 