Need dating advice

[SuperLuigi]

What do cause problem is when religion is a issue, a normal Catholic life is not a issue.

When talking about a healthy marriage, religion is almost always an issue. This carefree attitude that you have on here (a religious forum, BTW) is deeply troubling.

I don’t know if you’ve had any relationship experience or not, but I have, and let me tell you the world of romance feasts on the naive. People who act naive about this (ie what does it matter if you are “in love” or like each other) risk getting their hearts crushed, wallets emptied and may even have legal issues with the state since government these days loves recognizing and subsidizing what goes on in the bedroom.

What wrong can love do?

You did so NOT just say that…:dts:

Actually, the “idea” of love as it’s perceived that causes enormous issues and the scandal that precipitates is truly appalling.

Even with that aside, no romantic relationship is without risk.

If both parts are free there is no problem.

If you respect someone who have an other way to look at life he will respect yours, if it is REAL love.

“REAL love” goes wayyyyy beyond that. You should respect everyone, but that doesn’t mean you have to date them in order to do it.

Maybe there is a bit truth in it, but if I would fall in love with a Muslim or atheist I would not hesitate

Simply having feelings for someone (ie falling in love) is not enough for a decent marriage and certainly not for a Sacramental Catholic one.

Doing something because it feels a certain way is often absurd.

Furthermore, a lot of people who think they are in love are actually not.

A successful marriage needs to have a logical dimension to it. Unfortunately, today’s media is rife with scenarios of “being together just because it feels right”.

Why is that? To quote Ricky and Sila Lee of Alpha Marriage “Because as the years go on in a marriage, you choose to love that person.”

So it isn’t just about the random feelings of attraction to a person that leads to a good marriage, because those honey-moon type feelings vanish after time. They may not be real, but a marriage was meant to be forever.

And if you dated a Muslim, would you be fine with staying home raising the kids and not going out or having male friends? Muslim men sometimes expect that and they expect the woman to just know it, so if you weren’t expecting in a marriage, would you still want to be married to him?

What a surprise that would be to a modern Western woman with a Ph D and concept of “being open and tolerant”, huh?

And if you married an atheist, what if he just got bored with the relationship and wanted out or to have an open marriage?

What if either partner decided they didn’t want to raise the kids Catholic or even come to Church?

These are the kinds of questions that I’ve dealt with over the last seven years from people who write and think the same things you are saying.

And I would bet real money that a lot of these interfaith relationships, especially ones beyond Christianity, involve a selfish motive and/or a lack of relationship experience.

 

[SunriseMarian]

Read this:

ABC’s of Choosing a good husband

Hopefully that helps you.

God bless.

 

[bsf]

thanks, loneliness is a huge issue for me.

The late Clark E. Moustakas produced a couple works on “loneliness”. They are titled Loneliness and Loneliness and Love. Can be a bit painful reading them, but helpful. I believe they are out of print, but I have seen copies available online at reasonable prices on eBay. I will say a prayer for you.

 

[rkwittem]

Honestly, the best thing you can do is pray. For non-prayer suggestions, just be yourself and approachable. Eventually a guy will decide that he likes what he sees and make an attempt. (I’m referring to my own experience)

 

[lily22]

like i said before, i simply just gave up.

 

[rkwittem]

like i said before, i simply just gave up.

Being patient is not the same as giving up, but if that’s your decision, I’ll respect your decision.

Best wishes.

 

[Xantippe]

Lily,

I know this is a no-no according to some sets of rules, but at your time of life, what do you risk if you just flat-out ask guys out? Ask a guy to coffee, ask a guy to a free event (like a street fair or the farmer’s market), etc. Keep the dollar amounts small and just go have fun. (The reason I mention keeping the dollar amounts small is that it avoids weirding them out, making them insecure, and preserves the opportunity for them to invite you on a “real” date later.) Even Miss Manners says in one of her books from 30 odd years ago that a young lady needs to know how to say, “I have two tickets to blah-blah-blah. Would you like to come with me tomorrow night?” (That’s the old time way for a woman to do this.)

 

[lily22]

ok, maybe i will try that. thanks!