Need desperate help with pregnant girlfriend

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syphon229

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Hey everyone,
My 23 year old girlfriend is pregnant and I am really unsure of what to do. As of now the plan is to get married and raise the baby ourselves, however their are a few issues I need to work out. First, I would need to be able to financial support the baby, and being junior in college is not helping in terms of saving and making money. Secondly, I’m afraid of how our families are going to react to this situation. Lastly, I’m just scared of the situation in general. If there is anyone here who can give me advice please do, and please pray for us. Thank you.
 
Tell your families ASAP. You may be surprised at how helpful they may be. When my step-daughter and her now-husband came and told us they were pregnant, we offered to help (and have helped mightily). Give your families a chance.

Paul
 
Thank you for deciding that you will let this baby live. That was the toughest choice, and know the angels in heaven rejoice that you chose life.

Are your parents Catholic, of another Christian community? If they are, you might want to speak first with your parents’ Priest/Pastor. Those men of God have been down this road before, and can provide wisdom that will guide you through that process.

Your girlfriend needs love and support, and your baby will always need his daddy.

Prayers for you!!!
 
syphon229 said:
Hey everyone,
My 23 year old girlfriend is pregnant and I am really unsure of what to do. As of now the plan is to get married and raise the baby ourselves, however their are a few issues I need to work out. First, I would need to be able to financial support the baby, and being junior in college is not helping in terms of saving and making money. Secondly, I’m afraid of how our families are going to react to this situation. Lastly, I’m just scared of the situation in general. If there is anyone here who can give me advice please do, and please pray for us. Thank you.
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I know you’re scared, but you will be ok. Turn this over to God, because he has a plan for y’all. You took a step in the right direction by manning up.

Now go to your families and tell them the truth. I can’t promise ya what their inital reaction will be. Just tell the truth and be honest, and it will be ok.

Next, see about a job, and going to school at night. You need to be proactive, and doing what you need to do to take care of your family, if its delivering pizzas.

Assure her she is not alone, you are there and so is the Lord. God is going to bless y’all for bringing this child into the world, when so many do something else.
 
syphon229 said:
Lastly, I’m just scared of the situation in general. If there is anyone here who can give me advice please do, and please pray for us. Thank you.
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What a dear sweet guy! No matter what the age or marital status every parent-to-be is scared out of their gourd.Go ahead ask your Mom and Dad,the man on the street…rest assured that is more than quite normal.That is not to make light of your situation,rather to let you know that you are in good company.I’m sure if you speak to your Dad he’d be delighted to impart his wisdom,especially about how scared he was…before you were born.

Remember to pray to the Blessed Mother and St Joseph…

Praying for you and yours…
 
As Kage says, thank you, and God bless you for your choice to let this baby live; and that you both are considering how best to look after each other and your baby. It is scary to be faced with decisions you weren’t ready for yet. I pray God helps you both to mature in the situation.

Your dilemma touches my heart and I pray that God will help you both through all this. I think it might be well to include the Sacraments in the equation. Prayer and God’s grace will be essential for helping you both to flourish in this situation.

I can understand your fear of telling your families, and of course they may be shocked at first, Love, and most concerned for your futures, but allow them this reaction, which should pass go into the issue of how they can help you both.

Try to reassure your girlfriend as stress can make early stages of pregnancy more uncomfortble.

I ask the Holy Spirit to guide you both in informing your parents, and to guide your parents in their response. I ask the Holly Spirit to accompany you and your girlfriend and the baby throughout your lives.

God bless you, Trishie
 
  1. Are you absolutely sure that the child is yours.
  2. You shouldn’t marry just for the sake of the child, if you are not prepared to marry for life. Only some men can do that and they are probably farmers or carpenters.
  3. Your girlfriend and you should cease marital relations now.
  4. Some time spent with her Father and Mother, live-in, housework, etc., would be great for a girl who has allowed her life to be changed in this way. She will benefit from her mom’s experience and learn how to cook, launder. I hope that they are financially able to support her and the child, until she can return to school.
  5. I know a couple who married after a child was born to them when they were yet in their teens: The bride converted to Catholicism and the wedding was beautiful as we are cousins to the groom’s mother. But! The child was 4 years of age at the wedding and the groom a graduate of college. Perfect! (They have had 3 more children since, that I know of!)
 
ohioszo said:
  1. Are you absolutely sure that the child is yours.
  2. You shouldn’t marry just for the sake of the child, if you are not prepared to marry for life. Only some men can do that and they are probably farmers or carpenters.
  3. Your girlfriend and you should cease marital relations now.
  4. Some time spent with her Father and Mother, live-in, housework, etc., would be great for a girl who has allowed her life to be changed in this way. She will benefit from her mom’s experience and learn how to cook, launder. I hope that they are financially able to support her and the child, until she can return to school.
  5. I know a couple who married after a child was born to them when they were yet in their teens: The bride converted to Catholicism and the wedding was beautiful as we are cousins to the groom’s mother. But! The child was 4 years of age at the wedding and the groom a graduate of college. Perfect! (They have had 3 more children since, that I know of!)
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That is just laughable!!!🤷

Anyways, I have been there also and all worked out for us. But I understand your fear and will be praying for you.
 
farmers or carpenters?

I think this is a joke, everyone…it has to be…

I think you are scared for tons of different reasons, and I understand them all…go to your parents and to her parents. If you are Catholic, go to Confession and start preparing to be a Catholic Father. It is going to take a lot of work.

And you know what? If you have to be a parttime student for awhile, think of how much character you will build by saying, “We did this…we need to put ourselves aside for right now…it is going to be very hard work…I will graduate but it may take longer than I thought…I am a father now…I will be ok…no, really…I will…I feel a little faint right now but I’ll be fine…”

Seriously, you will be ok…go to your parents…get yelled at if you have to but it is time to be a man…and you are discovering that being able to have sex is not the only criteria for being manly…a lesson many people before you learned too.

You are not alone…hang in there.
 
I too praise heaven for the choice to save this wee one’s life.

Get some pastoral counseling before you decide to get married. Make sure you are undertaking a Sacrament for the right reasons. Are you Catholic? If you are spend some time before the Blessed Sacrament . Go to Confession. You’ll need the graces to assist you with all the decisions you have to make. You might find this especially helpful before you tell your parents, her parents.

Explore all the options, various living arrangements etc.

Investigate the options of financial support . Check our crisis pregnancy agencies such as Birthright, your church. Check out the financial aid options at your college. You might get more help if you are independent of your parents.

Praying for you .
 
hello syphon!
I wanted to let you know that my DH and I were in the exact same situation about a year ago when we found ourselves unexpectedly pregnant. I just finished college and he wasn;t making a lot of money. We decided to take our wedding fund and turn it into a baby fund and elope. We were terrified too. I was terrified especially of telling my parents. My Mom reacted much better than I thought but my Dad threw a fit and told me to get an abortion. He came around though. These days he is totally in love with his grandson and can’t get enough of tickling his little toes! (And he apologized for saying that) 👍
Anyways what we found was that babies don’t cost nearly as much as everyone thinks they do. And although parenthood is difficult it is soo worth it. I’ve never for a second regretted my adorable baby and I can’t imagine my life without him now. Though it seems scary now it will all work out somehow.
Best of luck to you!
 
  1. Saint Maybe, where the young man needs to give up his college life, and girlfriend, because he decided to support his brother’s children, after his brother, and then the mother of the children died due to his actions: He became a carpenter.
  2. Also, my cousins, were are farmers have children who have fullfilled the dreams of becoming doctors, due to their remaining with farming, as they saw the cousins of their generation go to college. They were able to succeed, and be well grounded in their Faith.
  3. My own Father, after WWII and at the age of 29, gave up his dream of college to marry and have a family. He had thought about becoming a lawyer, and, in his life he did represent other laboring men in workman’s comp cases, for which they continue to extol him. I do not know if those jobs in labor are that available in his neighborhood, but, that is an option too to those who are the ones having fun.
  4. The example of the two cousins-once removed, where the girl waited the 4 years until college graduation, and then married the father of their child together. She likely worked in a local enterprise in those 4 years, but did not complete or perhaps even start college herself.
 
I’m a single parent, never married.

My daughter’s mother (my ex) and I were together for 1.75 years, and we split right around the time my daughter was born.
My daughter was conceived when I was 19, and my ex-girl was 17. I know what it’s like to be too young, not married, and know that I’m going to be a dad.
I had just started college (my first semester) and my ex-girl (still dating then) was still in high school.

My parents carried me (paid my college bills), and my ex-girl’s parents are doing the same for her. Now I’m 25, done with college, and have a job paying $5X,000 a year. My ex-girl is finishing up collage still.

My daughter just turned 5 recently, and I consider her to be the best thing that has ever happened to me, and that’s the truth. I would not go back and change things if I had that power.

If you do not have your family’s support, things will be much harder for you. (I got lucky with hugely supportive parents.) Either way, I think you will come out of this feeling like your child is an honest to God blessing; just how much hardship that comes with it may be different.
You need to talk to your family about this soon. The sooner you get that off your chest, the better. Having to tell my ex-girl’s parents (8 or so months before she and I split) was probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. They (especially her mom) practically exploded, but I got through it! (And now they adore their granddaughter.)

You’ll get through this too.

I recommend:
  • Telling your parents soon.
  • Stay in school even if it has to be part time.
  • Don’t get married for your child’s sake. Get married when both of you are fully ready, and not a moment sooner.
  • Realize that diaper changing is not a trip through hell like some people make it sound like 😉
  • Realize that kids get to be more and more fun as they get older (it only gets better and better). (Note: I’ve not been a parent to a teenager yet.)
  • Realize that you’re probably going to enjoy being a dad, no matter how scary things are right now. Right now may actually be the worst of it!
 
syphon229 said:
Hey everyone,
My 23 year old girlfriend is pregnant and I am really unsure of what to do. As of now the plan is to get married and raise the baby ourselves, however their are a few issues I need to work out. First, I would need to be able to financial support the baby, and being junior in college is not helping in terms of saving and making money. Secondly, I’m afraid of how our families are going to react to this situation. Lastly, I’m just scared of the situation in general. If there is anyone here who can give me advice please do, and please pray for us. Thank you.
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As much as I dislike saying this, I think if you’re not in love, you shouldn’t get married. Two wrongs don’t make a right, as they say. Just get ready to support the child for the rest of your life, and try to be a good dad. It’s going to be rough. You’re no longer a ‘free’ man. :o
 
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