Need desperate help with pregnant girlfriend

[kage_ar]

DustinM -

This thread is not about you - you and your girlfriend created a child. The two of you did not marry. You chose not to place the child for adoption (and BTW, adoptive parents are NOT foster parents).

The fact that you made these decisions and are happy does not mean that the OP should make the same decisions.

Prayers for the OP and for you and your child.

 

[MakeUpArtist]

I’m in college, and I honestly do not believe I could give a child the life it deserves at this moment. I am no where near ready for marriage, and I don’t have the means to support a child either. I would choose adoption. It would be difficult for me, but I would have to put my child first. I just wouldn’t want her raised in a state of struggle and turmoil. I’ve seen women my age who get pregnant unmarried and financially unstable, and the child suffers the most. I know that’s where I would be, and I couldn’t do it. This is just me though. I don’t know the OP’s entire situation.

 

[Lovemyfaith]

To the OP- a baby is a gift from God. You have to know that. Your way of life will change, but if you believe this baby is a gift, it will change for the better. Babies really aren’t expensive. They don’t care if they wear hand me downs or live in a small apartment. As long as they are loved, fed and changed, they are happy. There are specific programs available to help pregnant woman and children. One is WIC. fns.usda.gov/wic/ I think it is based on the mother’s income level, not her parents or your parents. That would help with food. If you have a strong support system, it would be good to finish school. Set some goals now and people will be more likely to help if they can (if you ask for someone to babysit until the semester is over moreso than babysit forever). You have to grow up quickly when you become a parent, but what you get back from having a child is worth so much more than that.
As far as being married. I think it is a good idea for a family planning on raising a child catholic, if both parents have the same goals of a loving, christian family. I know a family where the father was in a car accident and became quadriplegic. It was so difficult for the entire family, but they stuck together and continued to love one another. I think about the things that people say are the reason they are getting divorced or not together and think the problems they have seems so fixable compared to what my friends have, and yet they can’t work through them.
I will keep you guys in my prayers and God Bless you for choosing life!

 

[DustinM]

…]However you seem to imply here that no family can be happy or stable on a low income. My DH and I make less than $30k a year with both our incomes combined. I don’t think we are any worse parents for it. Our son is loved and all his needs are met on our modest income. We are very happy.

I never implied that a family cannot be happy on a lower income. It is a fact that poverty increases stress, and can even strain marriages.

My argument is not that more money = greater parents.

My argument is that the OP should stay in college because statistically people who do are better off.

I don’t understand why people are debating this.

(Also, where you live effects your standard of living. My income would be considered incredibly low in certain parts of the country and really high in others. 30K a year where I live is not very much, and one could not support a family on that much.)

DustinM -

This thread is not about you - …]

The fact that you made these decisions and are happy does not mean that the OP should make the same decisions.

Right. This thread is about the OP. And my experiences are directly related (and extremely similar). I’m hoping OP is taking my words into consideration when I say not to rush into a marriage that he is not ready for (if he is not ready for it).

It is my stance that you can refrain from marriage and refrain from putting a child up for adoption, and have things turn out fantastically. Defending this position is important to the thread’s topic.

You’ll notice I’m not saying to the OP “Don’t get married, or things will turn out badly, just look at me!” (I.e. I’m not telling the OP to make the same decisions as me.)

I simply gave advice in my first post of this thread, and I stand by it.

 

[surfinpure]

Dustin,

Clearly this is an emotional subject for you, for obvious reasons. But if we’re talking about statistics, children who come from loving families with two parents – adoptive or biological (really doesn’t matter which) – make more stable and successful adults. Read James Dobson and Ray Guarendi for more information.

This thread is about the moral obligation the OP has to his child, not about what is preferable for him or his girlfriend, and certainly not about what you chose to do with your daughter. I might add that VERY FEW parents who are unmarried, divorced, or separated manage to “co-parent” in the way you have described. There are child support issues, discipline issues, other boyfriend/girlfriend issues, step children issues, and the list goes on. If you have an amicable working relationship with your “ex,” in parenting your child together, that is wonderful. It is also incredibly rare, and I hope it continues to work out for the good of your daughter. None of us knows what the future holds.

 

[newbetx]

Dustin. I admire your desire and dedication to raising your daughter. You may have chosen “to do the right thing” even if you and her mother did not marry. I can not judge your situation. I don’t have a crystal ball either. I’ll trust your decision.

The Church certainly does not require anyone to give a child up for adoption should the parent become widowed, or if they are single to begin with. I know some who have given up the baby and some that have not. Neither is easy for the parent, I assure you. So the direction from the church, I guess, is to do the best you can under the circumstances while looking for God’s guideance.

I suggest marriage because that is what the OP stated as what the couple thought their option would be. I don’t suggest the marriage route, lightly. Again, the OP and his gf have much to disucuss.

 

[leonie]

Don’t forget to get to confession and to reconcile yourself with God. As you develop a deeper prayer life, you will have greater wisdom for dealing with all the difficulties of the months and years to come.

 

[newbetx]

Don’t forget to get to confession and to reconcile yourself with God. As you develop a deeper prayer life, you will have greater wisdom for dealing with all the difficulties of the months and years to come.

Great point!