Need Family Advice re funeral and family

[dee_burk]

So, i really have no one i can discuss this situation with and really need some Christian/Catholic perspective. Sorry this is long…

My Aunt has just passed away, has been expected and i have stayed in the hospital with her, praying with her, spending time with her. She isnt Catholic but asked me to pray the rosary with her, which i did, of course.

My mother (her sister) has disowned her and her other sister for reasons that i will not go into here. I have asked if she wanted to go visit but she refuses however she has asked about her with no emotional attachment to the question but rather so that she can call everyone she knows and tell them her sister is dying and she doesn’t know anything else, but she likes to sound the alarm so to speak.

My Aunts funeral will be over 4 hours for me to drive. My mother didn’t want to visit my aunt but wants to go to the funeral (funerals for her are a family reunion, which I deplore) but she wont go if I am going to stay the night down there and I would like to go to the visitation the night before but there is no way I can drive back and forth to the visitation and home, then back for the funeral and home. Mom doesn’t drive.

I am torn right now from spending time with my family right now (which I am very close to) and having to make several 9 hour drives to take my mother just to the funeral. Without judging her motives, I truly believe she only wants to go to the funeral so everyone can see her there. I cannot predict the way God may work on my mother’s heart in regards to her sister(s), and wow did todays gospel speak on this subject (which I gave her the reading this morning when it wasn’t looking promising for her sister to make it today).

Please someone, do you have any advice on what I should do?

 

[pensmama87]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Since it would be very burdensome for you to do all that driving in one day, I would suggest telling your mother about your travel plans and asking her if she would like to come along with you. If she makes a big fuss about the extra time to stay there, she can find alternative accommodations if she wishes to attend.

“I’m sorry, Mom, but it’s just not possible,” on repeat if necessary. You would be doing her a kindness, so the terms are not up to her (and your terms are very, very reasonable.)

 

[Mary_Estelle]

I think if one could afford to flying to the nearest airport and then renting a car would solve some of the problem. Ask your mother if she could afford the trip. I don’t think there are a lot of happy answers here. Prayers for you and your family.

 

[pianistclare]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Since it would be very burdensome for you to do all that driving in one day, I would suggest telling your mother about your travel plans and asking her if she would like to come along with you. If she makes a big fuss about the extra time to stay there, she can find alternative accommodations if she wishes to attend.

“I’m sorry, Mom, but it’s just not possible,” on repeat if necessary. You would be doing her a kindness, so the terms are not up to her (and your terms are very, very reasonable.)

This^^^.
Our sincerest condolences Dee.

 

[1ke]

Make the plans you want to make. Tell your mother what the plans are. Invite her to go with you.

From that point on, it’s up to her and if she chooses not to go with you, that’s not your problem. She can find another way there.

 

[Xantippe]

I am so sorry for your loss.

Since it would be very burdensome for you to do all that driving in one day, I would suggest telling your mother about your travel plans and asking her if she would like to come along with you. If she makes a big fuss about the extra time to stay there, she can find alternative accommodations if she wishes to attend.

“I’m sorry, Mom, but it’s just not possible,” on repeat if necessary. You would be doing her a kindness, so the terms are not up to her (and your terms are very, very reasonable.)

Right.

 

[Xantippe]

Make the plans you want to make. Tell your mother what the plans are. Invite her to go with you.

From that point on, it’s up to her and if she chooses not to go with you, that’s not your problem. She can find another way there.

Yes.

 

[dee_burk]

Thank you everyone.
This is where i think i was heading but good to know that others would concur. I think i have decided to offer to pay for her a hotel room so she wont have to interact with any family she chooses not to. That way i can spend time with my remaining aunt and cousins who have been the ones taking care of her this past year. I have been the go-between of family members for too long. Now i just pray my mother will behave if she decides to go.

 

[Allegra]

I agree with the others.