C
Chabambou
Guest
Since yesterday I’ve been stressed over something. Here’s the story:
The other night, when my best friend and i were training (exercise), I noticed that he acted a little wierd about something. I asked him what’s wrong, and he tells me that he reckons he has OCD. I told him that sometimes I think I have it as well. He tells me I’m the only person he’s revealed this to, which makes me really appreciative because I’ve been friends with him for a very long time. I always like finding ways to relate to my friends even more, and help out with problems if I could.
After jogging I decided I should go home since I have work in the morning. When we hopped in the car he mentioned he likes listening to this song from Mariah Carey on loop. At first that seemed odd because his songs were more 90s dance and heavy metal. But since I listen to a lot of genres I didn’t mind. Then he tells me jokingly “you’d probably think I’m gay because of this”. I knew he was joking but I could tell he was worried I’d be judgmental on his taste with music. I said it was ok it’s just a song.
But at that moment my mind became overly active. And this is where the problem started. I imagined “what if his apparent OCD makes him think he’s gay? And how does that affect me if I might have OCD? if he was gay then am I? If he was then I could and it doesn’t matter who thinks what”
As I said my mind was overly active, so I didn’t grasp how grave this was until moments after. My mind imagined that waaayy too quick for me to even figure what i was thinking. And since yesterday I’ve fell into a kind of depression because I felt interiorly that I’ve damaged my friendship with a thought that, had I grasped it, wouldn’t allow in my mind in the first place. I’m even nervous speaking to the person now, because I feel so awkward about this, thinking now my conversations will feel different.
I just simply don’t know why my mind could have gone this far. My theory is that I was just imagining how supportive a friend I could be; but I could NEVER go that far as wanting to be gay and I don’t want to.
Please pray for me. Is all of this, the thought and depression with it, a trick from the evil one? Or is it pure guilt of a homosexual thought?
The other night, when my best friend and i were training (exercise), I noticed that he acted a little wierd about something. I asked him what’s wrong, and he tells me that he reckons he has OCD. I told him that sometimes I think I have it as well. He tells me I’m the only person he’s revealed this to, which makes me really appreciative because I’ve been friends with him for a very long time. I always like finding ways to relate to my friends even more, and help out with problems if I could.
After jogging I decided I should go home since I have work in the morning. When we hopped in the car he mentioned he likes listening to this song from Mariah Carey on loop. At first that seemed odd because his songs were more 90s dance and heavy metal. But since I listen to a lot of genres I didn’t mind. Then he tells me jokingly “you’d probably think I’m gay because of this”. I knew he was joking but I could tell he was worried I’d be judgmental on his taste with music. I said it was ok it’s just a song.
But at that moment my mind became overly active. And this is where the problem started. I imagined “what if his apparent OCD makes him think he’s gay? And how does that affect me if I might have OCD? if he was gay then am I? If he was then I could and it doesn’t matter who thinks what”
As I said my mind was overly active, so I didn’t grasp how grave this was until moments after. My mind imagined that waaayy too quick for me to even figure what i was thinking. And since yesterday I’ve fell into a kind of depression because I felt interiorly that I’ve damaged my friendship with a thought that, had I grasped it, wouldn’t allow in my mind in the first place. I’m even nervous speaking to the person now, because I feel so awkward about this, thinking now my conversations will feel different.
I just simply don’t know why my mind could have gone this far. My theory is that I was just imagining how supportive a friend I could be; but I could NEVER go that far as wanting to be gay and I don’t want to.
Please pray for me. Is all of this, the thought and depression with it, a trick from the evil one? Or is it pure guilt of a homosexual thought?
