Need help and...immediately

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goofyjim

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I’m so sick of it. I have dealt just superficially with same sex attraction and am trying through prayer and willpower to date a girlfriend but there seems to be this lingering temptation for a friend I just can’t let go of as far as friendship goes. I know I would never cheat on my girlfriend but it is getting so bad that, though I have the strength of will not to act out with him, when I am with this friend my thoughts just wander about the idea. I don’t want to just end the friendship but the advice I can’t stand from progay people is when they say sexuality is fluid yet don’t support someone who tries to leave homosexuality. It is psychological doublespeak. If it is so fluid, which I take to mean subject to change, then why do they resist someone’s effots to change. Help, please.
 
Jim, I don’t know what to say, but only to pray you can have the strength to do whatever is necessary without being pressured by your friends. I know it sounds mean, but we do have to avoid ocasions of sins, even people we like, if they are a source of temptation for us. It sounds a lonely choice.
For the moment I can just pray for you. I can see you are a good sincere person, if conflicted.
Our God, Jim really needs Your powerful help.
 
goofyjim said:
I’m so sick of it. I have dealt just superficially with same sex attraction and am trying through prayer and willpower to date a girlfriend but there seems to be this lingering temptation for a friend I just can’t let go of as far as friendship goes. I know I would never cheat on my girlfriend but it is getting so bad that, though I have the strength of will not to act out with him, when I am with this friend my thoughts just wander about the idea. I don’t want to just end the friendship but the advice I can’t stand from progay people is when they say sexuality is fluid yet don’t support someone who tries to leave homosexuality. It is psychological doublespeak. If it is so fluid, which I take to mean subject to change, then why do they resist someone’s effots to change. Help, please.
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I don’t have any advice, but you are in my prayers!
 
Battling impurity is difficult for many people. Jim you are in my prayers. I have a cousin struggling in the same way you are.

Forget about the same sex attraction issue for a minute. Your situation is no different than any other man who lusts after a woman he is not married to. The same temptations and occasion for sin are there. We can overcome this- with the help of God.

Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.
–Mark 14:38

For I hold you by your right hand— I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you’.
–Isaiah 41:13

We as men are bombarded every day with sexual immagery and temptations. For most, its not hard to be led astray. Prayer and self discipline are the only way to succeed. Even someone as pius and holy as St. Padre Pio was horribly attacked by Satan evey night. Not only physical torment but sexual temptation to the point that naked women would appear in his room trying to seduce him.

Jesus told us, if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. He is warning us to avoid all things that cause us to sin, even if it is not easy or comfortable. Try to use this penitential time of Lent to strengthen your will and turn closer to Our Lord. I know it won’t be easy, espicially with what seems like the world against you, but remember we are not made for this world- we are made for God!

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
 
just an idea, how about looking into reparative therapy? you might want to check out NARTH website or a Courage group. Deal with your feelings and what is causing them rather than denying they exist, but definitely seek to bring order to your sexuality instead of allowing it to become disordered.
 
idrum677 said:
Battling impurity is difficult for many people. Jim you are in my prayers. I have a cousin struggling in the same way you are.

Forget about the same sex attraction issue for a minute. Your situation is no different than any other man who lusts after a woman he is not married to. The same temptations and occasion for sin are there. We can overcome this- with the help of God.

Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.
–Mark 14:38

For I hold you by your right hand— I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you’.
–Isaiah 41:13

We as men are bombarded every day with sexual immagery and temptations. For most, its not hard to be led astray. Prayer and self discipline are the only way to succeed. Even someone as pius and holy as St. Padre Pio was horribly attacked by Satan evey night. Not only physical torment but sexual temptation to the point that naked women would appear in his room trying to seduce him.

Jesus told us, if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. He is warning us to avoid all things that cause us to sin, even if it is not easy or comfortable. Try to use this penitential time of Lent to strengthen your will and turn closer to Our Lord. I know it won’t be easy, espicially with what seems like the world against you, but remember we are not made for this world- we are made for God!

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
Click to expand...
 
The dragon always delivers his fiercest attacks when the knight is near his goal.

God has given you a girlfriend to help you overcome your homosexual tendencies, which are a trial for you on the road of chastity. God works in mysterious, but good, ways. The devil knows why God has given you a girlfriend, so he is doing everything he can to stop you from advancing in chastity. When temptation rears its ugly head, do not fight - run to the Sacred Heart of Jesus, which is the Source of Love and Mercy, and invoke His Mercy - it can be as simple as “Jesus, I trust in You” - and ask all the angels and saints to pray for your soul, whom are always ready to pray for you to overcome your temptations. They are good friends.
 
idrum677 said:
Battling impurity is difficult for many people. Jim you are in my prayers. I have a cousin struggling in the same way you are.

Forget about the same sex attraction issue for a minute. Your situation is no different than any other man who lusts after a woman he is not married to. The same temptations and occasion for sin are there. We can overcome this- with the help of God.

Keep watch and pray, so that you will not give in to temptation. For the spirit is willing, but the body is weak.
–Mark 14:38

For I hold you by your right hand— I, the LORD your God. And I say to you, ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you’.
–Isaiah 41:13

We as men are bombarded every day with sexual immagery and temptations. For most, its not hard to be led astray. Prayer and self discipline are the only way to succeed. Even someone as pius and holy as St. Padre Pio was horribly attacked by Satan evey night. Not only physical torment but sexual temptation to the point that naked women would appear in his room trying to seduce him.

Jesus told us, if your right eye causes you to sin, pluck it out. He is warning us to avoid all things that cause us to sin, even if it is not easy or comfortable. Try to use this penitential time of Lent to strengthen your will and turn closer to Our Lord. I know it won’t be easy, espicially with what seems like the world against you, but remember we are not made for this world- we are made for God!

St. Michael the Archangel,
defend us in battle.
Be our defense against the wickedness and snares of the Devil.
May God rebuke him, we humbly pray,
and do thou,
O Prince of the heavenly hosts,
by the power of God,
thrust into hell Satan,
and all the evil spirits,
who prowl about the world
seeking the ruin of souls. Amen.
Click to expand...
Jim I totally agree with idrum677, impure thoughts wether they be homosexual or hetrosexual are wrong. you are no different than a hetrosexual man or woman who is married, having feelings for someone else. Just trust in God and ask Him for help, and trust me he will help.
 
I don’t have any advice only lots of prayers. I did want to tell you though that I really admire you for wanting to do the right thing. You are awesome. 👍
 
Praying for you. Sometimes when I’m faced with things which seem beyond my ability to cope, I immerse myself in this forum (hopefully constructively most of the time, but not always). I guess that’s a cop-out in some ways but as far as cop-outs go it’s a pretty good one and the uplifting effect is often immediate. Hope you find solace, strength, inspiration and just plain friendship here too in your trying times.
 
My prayers to you, and I admire your honesty in coming here for help with your situation. God Bless you.
 
Persist in the Rosary, and Our Lady will never leave you. I will pray for you.
 
Does your girlfriend know that you are attracted to members of the same sex? If not, I think you should be upfront and it might also help to talk about it (although I guess you would probably have to watch just what you say.)
 
Jim, I want you to know that I admire your honesty and your desire to do the right thing. I’ll keep you in my prayers.
 
I don’t think the Catholic Church teaches that we know anything about what causes same-sex sexual identity. As for science, it seems to be in the research stage - it’s all theories, not facts and correlations that strongly suggest things that are interpretable different ways based on one’s point of view. 😦

You might want to try reading: Opus Dei - the writings of the founder on the Way of the Cross. escrivaworks.org/book/the_way_of_the_cross-point-7.htm

If your level of trust with your girlfriend is not high, you may not want to tell her. But one purpose of marriage is a lifelong commitment to raise children and sacrificially love another person like God loves us. I strongly suspect that if it came to making a lifelong commitment, it would be fair and loving to her to let her know what she is committing herself to, especially if there are any reasons for doubt whatsoever in your mind on your mind on your ability to make this lifelong commitment.

Sexual identity may not be fluid. Founders of an Ex-gay ministry eventually left their wives and ran off with each other. Christ is Truth. Some have theorized that Christ’s teaching on eunuchs in Matthew 19:4-15 refers to gays and some research suggests that the brains of gay men and women may be created differently. :confused::confused::confused:

You are in my prayers. Have you tried Courage (the Catholic Church’s ministry to the same-sex attracted)?
 
goofyjim said:
I don’t want to just end the friendship but the advice I can’t stand from progay people is when they say sexuality is fluid yet don’t support someone who tries to leave homosexuality. It is psychological doublespeak. If it is so fluid, which I take to mean subject to change, then why do they resist someone’s effots to change. Help, please.
Click to expand...
Jim, I respect your courage and endurance. No doubt it is a hard struggle, and yes, pro-gay persons aren’t likely to be supportive. I’m not sure why, but perhaps they fear it would give credence to conversion therapy or the demand that gays simply “choose” not to be gay, as if it were something easily done.

Sadly, there isn’t a lot of support within the Church either. People here at CAF often mention the Courage apostolate, but it is pretty bare bones or less, depending upon where you live.

Life is hard, and losing friends is the last thing I want to recommend. With regard to your feelings for a friend… have you discussed this issue with him? Does he know of your struggle and support it?
 
Thank you for all the prayers and replies. Some answers. I have shared this with my girlfriend who is very supportive but says if I start to slip back she doesn’t want to be hurt and is strong enough to stand on her own. I am trying some of th exgay suport groups but I have heard of the controversies surrounding them. I have tried to share my feelings for my friend with him but he is so timid that he shrugs it off yet I wonder if it might be because he has some for me.

It becomes so complicated. I not only want to be a friend but a father figure for someone whose family has all but abandoned him and not because he is gay. They don’t even know that yet. And while I know it is forbidden to discuss private revelations, I was drawn back in 1995 to the story of Christina Gallagher in Ireland. This almost makes me feel as though my friend is actually a little angel sent to test me and if I fail the test I end up committing and repeating the whole sinful saga of Sodom. I don’t want all this. I pray to return to some normalcy that I had in childhood. Yet has that ever really been there?
 
goofyjim said:
I don’t want all this. I pray to return to some normalcy that I had in childhood. Yet has that ever really been there?
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Yeah, I know where you are coming from. 😦

Jim, CAF has a new social groups feature.
forums.catholic-questions.org/group.php

Would it be worth trying to create a social group, so that the other CAF members who are also shouldering your cross can get together and talk? I know it is possible to make membership in a social group available only by invitation, if you wanted to restrict membership to only those in your situation (which would allow private discussions.)
 
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