Need Help! (and prayers)

[MYSWEETJESUS]

Hi, im new on this forum and i joined so that perhaps i may get some answers. I recently became engaged. It doesn’t appear my family is happy about this because their initial reaction was one of shock and they didn’t say much at all. My sister and fiance are at really bad terms. She is making it really difficult for him to come over since she totally ignores him and makes it really difficult for him to get along with the family. My fiance is by no means, perfect. However, I know my sister is at fault here. We got engaged and she didnt even congratulate him. I feel so torn and stressed. I dont know what to do. My dad thinks my fiance acts like his a baby; sitting at the dinner table without saying a word and making conversation hard to handle. My family is upset that my fiance does not participate in conversation and does not appear happy. My parents are also very upset that I decided to leave my sister’s engagement party early since my fiance wanted to leave…hence the reason why my sister is so upset with me and him. I know it was the wrong thing to do…to leave her party early…especially since i’m a Maid of Honor. I just dont know what to do. My family is traditional and somewhat oldfashioned.

Please any advice you can give me, i’ll greatly take it. I’m so desperate for help. My fiance is now saying he doesn’t understand why i should be involved as a maid of honor anyway, since my sister totally ignores me and treats me so rude. She is very hard to handle. I tried to talk with her; but she was not saying anything other than talking bad about my fiance.

Please pray for me. I need help and guidance.
I feel so confused and depressed.
Thank you…and any replys will be so appreciative!

 

[jwatza]

I am sorry that you are struggling with all this right now. Could your family possibly be seeing something in your fiance that you do not? Have you sat down with your parents to get their honest assessment of your relationship with your fiance. They know you very well and might be able to give you good insight if you would be open to listening to them.

Do you really want to begin married life with conflicts such as these between your family and your spouse? I would strongly encourage you to work out these issues before getting married. Marriage is difficult as it is, without throwing in extended family conflicts. Why won’t your fiance engage your family in conversation? It seems the polite thing to do when spending time with his fiance’s family. Is he a gentleman or could he be immature? With the rate of divorce now a days–I think 50% of marriages end in divorce–I would make real sure that my soon to be husband was grown up enough to be able to deal with conversing with my family and resolving conflicts with them that come up. He is not just marrying you, he is marrying into your family. Do you want these conflicts to occur throughout your entire marriage? If not, then you both better figure out how to resolve them now rather than later.

 

[Trishie]

Hi, you seem very unhappy. That’s sad. You deserve happiness and peace.

I realise that the fact that your fiance doesn’t feel welcome, doesn’t help his social graces with your family, but he would be welcome if the family weren’t also very worried about your future happiness. They obviously see signs that cause them to feel that your relationship won’t lead to happiness. They’re not simply against you, they’re worried about you.

Part of our difficulty in responding is that we only have one side of the story, and it does have aspects that cause one concern. It also is difficult to assess whether your family relationships and judgements are healthy…although causing you to leave your own sister’s engagement party, and not wanting you to be her maid of hnour goes very much against your fiance. If he acts like this now, don’t expect much freedom and respect for your responsibilities and needs when you’re a married woman.

It isn’t right that your sister ignores your boyfriend. That won’t help him to be his best self or to integrate. But it must also be true that she sees things in him that she believes will lead to your unhappiness.

In any case if you are at odds with your family, and your husband is estranged from them and not considerate of your family loyalties and responsibilities, it sounds like you’ll not have a happy wedding day, nor happy interactions with the people who’ve loved you through your childhood and adolescence. That could mean years of division and mutual bitterness, and future loneliness.

I do hope and pray that things can be resolved for the best. I hope and pray that relationships will be healed and begin to flourish, and that you will find a happy future.

God bless you, Trishie

 

[idrum677]

I second what Trishie said!

God Bless.