Need help from Deacons

[DiscerningOne]

Hi all,

And thank you very much for this great resource! I have read the site for a long time.

I have a joy and a dilemma. I really think I am being called to become a Deacon. My pastor has even suggested it to me. I am of proper age, have a great supportive family, and I feel very close to God and the Catholic Church. I have become much more spiritually active in my Church in the last year.

So I was reading about the process, and one thing concerned me. I read about the “impediments” to proceed, and in my younger days I strayed from the Church, and was adulterous. Mostly before marriage, but my behavior was not always perfect after. I also did not go to Mass for probably 30 years. Jesus got me back.

I really changed my behavior about 6-8 years ago, although I really have been seriously back in the Church for 2 years. I confessed all my sins when I came back to the church, and I have almost forgotten about that life. This history is not something I want to be discussing in an interview as part of the process of becoming a Deacon. Any thing normal about family life, job, references, background checks, criminal record, etc. will be fine. I feel God gave me a second chance by keeping this between me and Him, and I would highly prefer it stay that way.

Will this come up? Or will questioning in this area solely be based on our family life now, or over the past 3-5 years, etc.?

I feel such a strong calling, but if the interview gets into anything close to a confession of my sins, I just don’t want to do that and risk the family life I have. I also don’t want to lie either. But if the interview is trying to determine my current lifestyle, current tendencies and habits, as well as all the background references/criminal check/job check etc., this won’t come up. Interviews with my wife and child won’t be an issue either.

What should I expect?

Thank you so much for your help, I am praying and worrying about this. One of the first things I said to my pastor is that the biggest impediment to becoming a Deacon is I don’t feel very worthy, and he said Jesus always chooses sinners and the weakest to do His ministry, so don’t worry about it. I sure have a lot of practical experience to help people with, huh.

Thanks.

 

[Brendan]

I’m in Formation to the Diaconate myself.

You WILL need a very strong marriage. Now great strength can come of what you discribed, but that is not the norm.

Talk it over very extensively with your wife and your Pastor.

You will not get far without their support…

The issue probably will come up. At least in the Archdiocese of Detroit (where I am) there is a psych exam with a psycologist as part of the admissions process. That will include both you and your wife and will involve a discussion on the strengths and trials of your marriage.

One thing you did not mention was if your wife was aware of the indiscretions from the past. I don’t need to know the answer, but discuss this with your pastor if not.

Also, read St. Augustine’s “Confessions” or perhaps a guide to that work; it might help you. He was in a very similar circumstance.

 

[cameron_lansing]

Go thank God for giving you a wise pastor, and then listen to what he told you. Say your evening prayers tonight and get a peaceful rest.

I’ll respond privately to you as a former deacon director for 13 years and now as a canon lawyer, if you want. If you wish that, you can private message me.

 

[plato3]

Brendan has identified the place that the weight of your situation would be evaluated in our diocese, also. Our bishop requires a positive psycological report before beginning formation. They did not discuss “sins” at my interview. They were mostly interested about my past ministry experience and if my wife supported me in my call.

Good luck-God bless
Deacon Tony

 

[decn2b]

I am in the prep for Deaconate (2 year lay ministry program that is REQUIRED). Sounds like we are about the same. Remember this both of us were probably not as bad as Paul was before he decided to take the Damascus Turnpike. I too feel unworthy. I have fretted about this Deaconate thing for quite awhile. Our bishop is retired and has decided to not start another deaconate class. he is waiting for th successor to start the next group.

I will no longer fret about the deaconate…John Paul II tells us “do not let your hearts be troubled” it is the Paraclete that will ultimately decide if you and I become Deacons. Trust in the Lord ALWAYS. I insist on that for myself and you should too. I don’t worry about it at all anymore. I am just going to follow my heart and leads that God is giving me and rejoice in whatever comes to be.

 

[DiscerningOne]

Thank you all for your kind remarks and advice. I have a very strong marriage, I will trust in God that He wants me to continue proceeding down this path.

God bless you all…