Need help moving from intelligence to faith

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GloriousOrder

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Friends :), a blessed Sunday to you all…

I arrived at the early Mass this morning as the Creed was finishing. Being an unbaptised person, I decided to stay in the Narthex and face in the opposite direction from the altar (not visible through the doors, naturally) to highlight my feeling of separation from the Body of Christ. After this, I went and talked to my dear friend, a Franciscan friar under solemn vows, for about an hour in the church hall. He knows me very well now, and knows that my atheism was banished entirely by intellectual study, not by a mystical experience or experiences. I believe in God by His Grace acting upon me to study logic… but it’s only by logic, I think.

My friend has become concerned that my belief is entirely based in the Sensible Faculties and the Intellectual Faculties (appealing to my love of Thomism), but not in real Faith yet. Do not accuse him of uncharitable speculation immediately, because he’s quite right, and I feel it. He told me to put down Aquinas for once 😊, and mentioned St. Teresa of Avila or Bonaventure. My friend and Br. told me to live my faith so it will grow, and grow my faith in Christ, deep down, so I may live it.

My question is: where should I start with mysticism? I am still very much a rationalist-atheist/protestant in the way I live and think. This must be balanced, moderated, and tempered by true mystical love of God. You can believe in a Supreme, Necessary, Perfect, cold Being from which all beings emanate, yes, but if you don’t have a burning love of Charity for Him, it’s almost useless. Where do I begin, simply? 😉
 
Hi, I am a convert from atheism, and I recognize what you are experiencing. 🙂

Patience, dear friend, God is calling you to Him. Let Him work in your life and on your soul like the sunrise in the morning. Slowly and gently, so as not to blind you. He knows your need and is the one who will fill it.

That being said, personal spiritual practices, beginning first and foremost with prayer. Pray daily. If this is awkward or unusual, still pray daily. Speak what is on your mind and in your heart. Even if it is just a sentence or two.

Read the Bible and learn lectio divina.

“Be still and know that I am God.” (Psalm 46:10)
 
I’m not going to suggest any books because you need something a bit different now.
Do you pray? If not, start. You can find prayers from a number of saints (I guess this is a type of reading), use that as a starting point, and then slowly introduce your own prayers. The combination of the two works well for me.
You can pray the Divine Office.
And of course, the Rosary.

If you are new to prayer it might feel a bit weird at first, like you are talking to yourself. Don’t worry about it. Over time it will become so necessary for your daily life and it will transform you. You might not even notice at first but with prayer God will not just be an intellectual concept, but a living person.

I think you might find the following blog useful. conversiondiary.com/
The author was an atheist and was brought to faith through logic, reason and study. It took her a while to get ‘spiritual’ and expereince the emotional aspect of the faith. I think you’ll be able to relate to that. You’ll find some good reading suggestions too.
 
Simply, begin praying. Do it for extended periods of time. I would especially recommend going to adoration. It’s great to be able to pray in front of Jesus Christ himself. As you pray more, your emotional connection with God will grow.
 
I agree with the suggestions to read the saints and spend time in prayer (at least one hour a day). Some other suggestions: if your church has Adoration, spend time there when you can. If you have the opportunity to attend a Life in the Spirit seminar, take it. Maybe there is a retreat house nearby and you can make a silent retreat. All of these can help move your faith from head to heart (a much longer distance than it appears!).
 
Believe me, I was afraid of praying daily until last September or so. Now, I make sure to get at least 15 minutes a day. I’ve read Genesis and Exodus up to the Ten Commandments, then Matthew and John entirely; almost all of Acts, and several epistles of St. Paul. St. John’s Gospel especially fills me with a really massive feeling, something beyond explanation. It’s wondrously beautiful, our life… and my cynicism and coldness slowly fades.

Any practices, books, works, prayers, actions, or ideas are welcome! 🙂
 
One more suggestion about prayer. There is a small book called Appointment with God by Fr. Michael Scanlon. If you need some help with prayer, this is a good resource.
 
GloriousOrder said:
Believe me, I was afraid of praying daily until last September or so. Now, I make sure to get at least 15 minutes a day. I’ve read Genesis and Exodus up to the Ten Commandments, then Matthew and John entirely; almost all of Acts, and several epistles of St. Paul. St. John’s Gospel especially fills me with a really massive feeling, something beyond explanation. It’s wondrously beautiful, our life… and my cynicism and coldness slowly fades.

Any practices, books, works, prayers, actions, or ideas are welcome! 🙂
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One relatively simple prayer that I recommend is the Chaplet of Divine Mercy. All you need is rosary beads, and about 5 minutes of your time. Simple as it is, it’s incredibly spiritually uplifting. And as mentioned before, go to adoration. All prayer is better before the Son of God.
 
GloriousOrder said:
Believe me, I was afraid of praying daily until last September or so. Now, I make sure to get at least 15 minutes a day. I’ve read Genesis and Exodus up to the Ten Commandments, then Matthew and John entirely; almost all of Acts, and several epistles of St. Paul. St. John’s Gospel especially fills me with a really massive feeling, something beyond explanation. It’s wondrously beautiful, our life… and my cynicism and coldness slowly fades.

Any practices, books, works, prayers, actions, or ideas are welcome! 🙂
Click to expand...
Angelus prayer, morning, noon and night. 6am, 6pm are usual (traditional). That is what the church bells are for at those times. 🙂 People used to stop whatever they were doing at these times of day, to pray the Angelus.

freewebs.com/latinmass/theangelus.htm

Say a Memorare…whenever and wherever…while driving, walking, working, etc.

ewtn.com/devotionals/prayers/Memorare.htm

As for reading, St John’s Gospel is one to read over and over. Romans chapters 5-8 is still one I read often.

The writings/poetry of St. John of the Cross, are astounding and beautiful. Also, he was a mystic, and may be suitable to what you are looking for at this time.
 
Get a picture, icon, or statue of Christ that connects to you on an emotional level.

Meditate on Jesus saying to you: “I have called you friends.”

Know that you are a unique, unrepeatable, one-of-a-kind marvelous creation of God–you are a beloved son/daughter of the King!

God knew YOU before He created everything.

If you were the only person on earth–God would have sent His Son Jesus to teach you and save you by dying on the Cross…and resurrecting and ascending and sending the Spirit. All for you.

Hopefully meditating on these things will help you move from prepositions to relationship.

God bless you on your journey.
 
Aesthetics reach the heart. Look at sacred art and listen to sacred music. Handel’s Messiah was the thin thread of faith I could maintain for a long time, before I had faith in fullness, overflowing.
 
kentuckyliz, 😉 my journey began because I could not square Haydn, Bach, Brahms, Rachmaninov, Telemann, Palestrina, and Beethoven with atheism! My love of music is almost mystical in its intensity, and I thank God for that gift. Music is the one place where I am full of faith and totally emptied of logic… hey, perhaps that might be an opening! 👍
 
Hi Glorious Order

I think you have received great replies so far but I will suggest something that hasn’t been mentioned.
I really think you need a retreat to jump start and kinda give you a push into a deeper spirituality. All retreats are good but you need one that is not intellectual but speaks to the heart.

See if you can find an Emmaus retreat in your parish or diocese. These are open to people in RCIA at least in my diocese. I have seen men completely transformed by this retreat and cannot recommend it enough. God Bless you and remember to thank God everyday for bringing you to him.
 
Believe and have faith in Our Lord and all that the Church teaches like it says in Scripture - “Like a little child”. That is what I have done and it has made everything so much easier for me. Accept it all and go on with your life. Good luck!
 
God made you… he knit you in your mother’s womb out of pure love! He made you and continues to sustain your beating heart each and every day. This sudden realization helped me draw closer to God. I hope it will hit you in the same way.
 
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