Need help on defending chastity

[ThatGuy]

I have a very good friend who is in/just began a sexual relationship, and I have been trying to show him how he is making a bad choice, and I’m not having much luck. Here is his main argument, I hope someone can give me some good counterarguments:

He says that he loves his girlfriend just as much as any man loves his wife, so it’s ok for him to have sex with her. He says that he’s researched all of the risk factors and is comfortable with them and thinks he will be safe from pregnancy/STDs etc. He believes in God and used to be a Christian, but no longer believes in the bible or anything that a Church has to teach him, so arguing about teachings isn’t getting anywhere. I tried telling him what marriage was meant to be, but he says that marriage was invented hundreds years ago to keep track of couples (I really don’t understand this one).

Please excuse what must be a redundant thread, I know this topic has probably come up before on this forum, but I really don’t have time to dig through hundreds old threads and research. I am hoping that someone can help me formulate some good arguments against what he is saying (statistics would be helpful). In the mean time I have been scrambling to find info from various chastity websites, but I am having trouble finding something that can pertain directly to this argument and I don’t know how long we have until he makes another bad choice.

Thank you so much for any help.

 

[robertiii]

Alright, well since he has basically rejected all Church teachings I would go from this angle. He may think he loves his girlfriend as much as a man loves his wife, but who is to say that she loves him back the same way. I mean in this day and time ‘I love you’ doesn’t mean much. It’s basically words anymore, words we say in order to get what we want. Secondly, how does he know how a man loves his wife, has he been married? And don’t forget how many of those men and women end up leaving the relationship anyways, so how much meaning is in that statement, I love her as much as a man love his wife, until he finds a better wife?

 

[ThatGuy]

Good advice, and I tried an angle similar to this, but he got very angry and defensive when I suggested that he might not really love his girlfriend.

But I see where you are coming from, so I will try and build off of this. Thanks.

 

[briang72]

Pray for him. Do penance for him.

If you can’t convince him by using our faith to back up your argument, and there is no fear of God in him in respect to the teachings He has handed down to us regarding chastity, I don’t know what else to suggest you do.

There is hope for your friend. Nothing is impossible for God. I made the same mistake your friend made. Sometimes we must fall hard in order not to fall again.

 

[ThatGuy]

Thank you guys for your suggestions and help. I guess I will have to go back to good ol’ prayer and fasting. I think he’s heard enough from me.

 

[JimG]

He says that he loves his girlfriend just as much as any man loves his wife, so it’s ok for him to have sex with her.

If he loves her that much, why is he not willing to make a permanent commitment to her? i.e.–marriage?

 

[ThatGuy]

He says he doesn’t believe in marriage. I’m guessing that praying is about all I can do from this point on. He stopped listening to me anyways.

 

[Flopfoot]

How many millions of unplanned pregnancies and single parents do there have to be before people realise that their actions have consequences? Is he really ready to support a child? Is she? No method of contraception is perfect, and the consequences last for life. Who would take such a risk? How many millions of broken hearts do there have to be when people have fully given themselves in the sexual act to their boyfriend or girlfriend only to break up later, and have so much trouble getting over them because of this, before people will learn? Does he really think he’s the first person to ever have been in this situation? Or that all others who made the same choice as him have never regretted it?

Learn from others’ mistakes - it’s a lot less painful than having to learn from your own mistakes.

 

[LittleDeb]

He says he doesn’t believe in marriage. I’m guessing that praying is about all I can do from this point on. He stopped listening to me anyways.

So start listening to him! He just hasn’t thought this all the way through. Be a sounding board. Ask questions. Don’t leave him feeling abandoned. You were put in the situation for a reason.

God bless you for being there! Ask him to explain how his plans work in the long term. Agree with him in theory where you can. He is suffering from thinking errors. Marriage is extremely logical. Asking questions helps you see where his train of thought jumped the tracks. Listen to his answers. They will reveal much about who he is and why. All conversion must first begin in a personal way. If you don’t understand what he believes or why, you cannot help him.

Again, God bless you for being there. It is difficult I know, but I promise you it is worth it. Someday he might even thank you for it! I know I thank the friend who helped me. My prayers are with you.

 

[JimG]

How many millions of unplanned pregnancies and single parents do there have to be before people realise that their actions have consequences? Is he really ready to support a child? Is she? No method of contraception is perfect, and the consequences last for life.

Well, he doesn’t believe in marriage; perhaps he believes in babies.

 

[Dan_Grelinger]

Some questions that need to be answered:

What is a husband’s love for his wife? I think Paul says what it is. A husband who loves his wife is willing to die for her. Is this your friend’s love for his girlfriend? Would he sacrifice his very life for hers?

If not, he loves her body, but not her. He loves her when it is convenient. He loves her only when he can be the lazy man. He does not love her as a husband loves a wife, he only uses her for his own gratifications. True love is self-sacrificing. The true love that spouses have for each other knows no bounds, not even fear of death. What husband, when faced with a danger to his wife’s life, runs like a coward to save his own?

If he would not die to save his wife, he is a fake husband, otherwise known as a ‘live in boyfriend’, a user.

If he is willing to die to save her life, you will be able to show him that marriage is the only answer. If he is willing to sacrifice for her benefit, then he can come to know the truth about marriage.

I’ll help.

Dan

 

[ThatGuy]

Thank you. I agree the best I can do is to be there and to listen. Right now I think he is fed up with the situation, but I will continue to to try and be open ears, and I’ll post updates whenever possible. Thank you all for being here and offering such great advice.

 

[manualman]

Google ‘Good News About Sex and Marriage’ then read it. Then paraphrase for your friend about the innate meaning of sexuality and how it is clearly visible in the ways men and women behave in everyday life!

 

[gardenswithkids]

Hi That Guy, sorry to read that your friend didn’t want to listen to you, but I agree that you need to listen to him better. Listen to what he is trying to says in his statement:

…He says that he loves his girlfriend just as much as any man loves his wife, so it’s ok for him to …

Perhaps a more accurate traslation of this might be “he thinks he loves his girlfriend as much as any man he knows loves his wife.”

When we look at the rate of contraception and divorce in our culture, it is entirely possible that your friend has never seen or understood how it is that a man should love his wife. That “husbands-love-your-wife-as-Christ-loves-the-Church” kind of love is rarely seen. I believe your friend probably does love his girlfriend–perhaps as much as he is presently capable of loving anyone. He may well love her more at the moments than the creeps who cheat on and divorce their wives.

We humans usually love imperfectly, but God wants us to learn to love each others perfectly. The early Christians converted others to the faith because there was something different about how they loved each other from the rest of the culture around them. The problem maybe your friend not seen the Christian men around him demonstrate total self-sacrificing love for their wives. If he doesn’t “believe in marriage”, he may have some significant emotional baggage from his past.

 

[gardenswithkids]

Hi That Guy, sorry to read that your friend didn’t want to listen to you, but I agree that you need to listen to him better. Listen to what he is trying to says in his statement:
Perhaps a more accurate traslation of this might be “he thinks he loves his girlfriend as much as any man he knows loves his wife.”

When we look at the rate of contraception and divorce in our culture, it is entirely possible that your friend has never seen or understood how it is that a man should love his wife. That “husbands-love-your-wife-as-Christ-loves-the-Church” kind of love is rarely seen. I believe your friend probably does love his girlfriend–perhaps as much as he is presently capable of loving anyone. He may well love her more at the moments than the creeps who cheat on and divorce their wives.

We humans usually love imperfectly, but God wants us to learn to love each others perfectly. The early Christians converted others to the faith because there was something different about how they loved each other from the rest of the culture around them. The problem maybe your friend not seen the Christian men around him demonstrate total self-sacrificing love for their wives.