Need help on my examination of conscience

  • Thread starter Thread starter SpeakKindly
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

SpeakKindly

Guest
As a married man I’m struggling with how to confess sexual thoughts that involve fantasies, and if I should be general “I’ve commited lust”, a bit more detailed “I’ve been unfaithful to my wife with lust about others”, or extremely details “I’ve thought about xyz because of abc and it makes me feel like I’m not being faithful to my vows I made when these thoughts are entertained because I shouldn’t entertain these things, and I wouldn’t act on them…even still, I’ve sinned”? These issues actually have stopped me from confessing because I feel crippled on how to word it.

Also, the examination guides don’t help because I feel like I’ve done pretty much everything on the list, and some of the stuff doesn’t seem like grave sins (not praying for 15 minutes a day for example).

Any help?
 
Here’s some advice from @edward_george1, a Priest:
40.png
Please stop describing your sins in detail! Moral Theology
I’m a priest. I hear confessions. And I can tell you, you don’t even need to go into detail in confession!! It’s better if you don’t. If you just say “I committed X sin Y times,” that suffices. And if I’m not clear on what you mean, I’ll ask! But detail has a danger, that we start explaining things to try to justify them. It’s better for our humility to just admit what we did and accept God’s forgiveness and get out! Be brief, be bold, be gone! -Fr ACEGC
Click to expand...
 
Last edited:
SpeakKindly said:
These issues actually have stopped me from confessing because I feel crippled on how to word it.
Click to expand...
You are taking steps in the right direction my friend. In the confessional, we come to confess our downfalls and transgressions in the presence of our merciful Father. Never let fear stop you from receiving reconciliation, it forces us to examine our conscience, take responsibility and instills humility in us. The priest is there to help you and give guidance, it may even be a good idea to talk to your wife about what you are struggling with.

Here are some great talks on confessions!



Lust -



Remember to say three hail Mary’s in the morning and evening for purity, and say your rosary each day. I wish you all the best on your journey.

Benedicat Te Omnipotens Deus.
 
Say something like: “I have repeatedly entertained adulterous and lustful thoughts and fantasies.” or “I have entertained impure adulterous thoughts on (insert approximation of number of times you did this) occasions.” That is about how I would word what you have described.

You really do not need to describe your specific fantasies etc… The Priest can extrapolate from what you have said as to the ramifications of the sin—(adultery in the heart, etc)

That is all you have to say, and move on
 
Last edited:
SpeakKindly said:
These issues actually have stopped me from confessing because I feel crippled on how to word it.

Also, the examination guides don’t help because I feel like I’ve done pretty much everything on the list, and some of the stuff doesn’t seem like grave sins (not praying for 15 minutes a day for example).

Any help?
Click to expand...
I usually keep it simple. Like someone else posted “X times I’ve willfully entertained lustful thoughts about women who are not my wife”. If the priest needs any more details, he will ask.

As far as an examination of conscious, I find I’ve liked the simpler ones better, because the more detailed ones make me scrupulous or second guess myself, and it seems to be causing you confusion also.

I like these. I’ve actually copied and pasted them into a Google doc and then tweaked some of the points to remind me of things I need to focus on.


Here’s one based on the Beatitudes:


Here’s one based on 1 Cor 13:

 
A tool that I recently discovered that is helping my marriage is particular examination of conscience.
In contrast to a general examination of conscience, which mostly acts as a shield for holiness, the particular examination of conscience acts as a sword for holiness.

With the particular examination, you embrace a specific daily challenge that will grow your love. For example, with the inspiration of St. Therese & St. Raphael Counseling, I have embraced the challenge to do multiple acts toward my spouse imbued with love. Therefore, the daily examination question becomes: “Did I do several acts of love toward my wife today, which I consciously felt and thought love for her while doing them?”

Here is the article that initially sparked my discovery: An Examination of Conscience for Spouses - Couples Counseling | Family Counseling | Individual Counseling | Psychological Testing | Porn Recovery

St. Joseph, I ask your intercession for myself and SpeakKindly, that we may become holy husbands to our wives, in the depths of our thoughts and feelings. Amen.

An additional encouragement: don’t downplay the stuff that doesn’t seem like grave sins. Not conversing with the Greatest Being for 15 minutes a day equates to not striving for life being greatest.
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top