Need help: Pco, family planning and the worst moment

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alice24

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Dear all,

I was offline for a long time until today, so first of all, greetings to you from germany, wishing you a blessed day!

I have some serious problems with my family planing, but let me give you some basic information to understand the situation. This is not easy to write for me.

My family and friends are mostly religious, but not all catholic, there is no strong connected community here where I live. I am a history student, my bachelor exams for university will be finished next spring. I am engaged to a wonderful man, we got to know each other at university, he will finish his history studies (mayor) this year.
My family is what you could call “extremely difficult”. Many depression issues, divorce when I was a child, a sister with serious metal and physical health issues. I searched family at the wrong places in the last years, so I had a really toxic relationship to an abusive man for many years until 2 years ago. I ended with a small bag of clothing in my hand and had to organise everything alone, searching a flat, working on two jobs beside university, very hard, but now, I am save and happy. Long story short: the last ten years were stressful. I will be married this winter, but everything was like a rush and I just want to enjoy this new life a bit.
Last monday, my doctor told me that I have a pco syndrome (without smoking, to much weight or anything), probably caused by all the stress for my body in the last years, too. He told me that getting pregnant will be difficult. We planned a family in the next 2-3 years, because he won´t get enough money until he finished his doctor and we wanted some time for us to breathe. I got an offer from cambridge and wanted to finish my studies as best as I can. Now everything changed. I don´t now what to do. I am just disturbed. I feel a bit as I am not a woman anymore. Medical Treatment for this issue is not availible for me, because I have serious contraindications, and the idea of in vitro fertilization sounds as expensive as creepy for me.
Sorry for the long text. Maybe someone was in a similar situation and have some advice. I would be so glad, thank you.
Alice
 
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Dear Alice, getting pregnant might be difficult, but I do know women who have pco syndrome who have become pregnant and have beautiful healthy children.
You most likely feel that your world has turned upside down with this diagnosis, but please don’t lose hope.

Being a woman is much more than finding conception easy, being a woman is a profound part of you.
The most feminine person I know has pco syndrome, and she was able to have little ones.

Please go forward with your plans to finish your studies. You are still the same beautiful you that a good man loves.

I’m sad that you had ten difficult years with a man who didn’t appreciate you,
but the man who loves you now is a gift from God.
You are aa courageous girl who had to begin again, work two jobs…you are courageous and wonderful.

I’ll be praying for you Alice (from Australia) With love, Trshie
 
Dear Trishie,

thank you very much for your kind words. I am happy to hear that those positive examples exist.
This is so strange for me, I never identified so much as a woman based on this basic reproductive issues. Being a woman was always something spiritual for me, nothing without thinking, but still normal, and now I am surprised that I am that shocked.
I came home from an international workshop last week and was a bit torn because I loved to worked this way, but the academic circumstances aren´t that good as I hoped. Just 1-year contracts, moving to other life- and workplaces all the time, stress. When I opened the door my future In-laws were waiting for me and I felt for the first time, that for me, personally, I prefer this stability more than earning good money and being on the run all the time. I wanted to focus more on my family.Two days later there was this call from my doctor. I fear that, when we wait with the children, I won´t be able to get pregnant - the doctor told me “do it now, go for in vitro or take the risk on your own”. This is just everything a way to fast and crazy for me…I could bear being pregnant and finish my studies (ok, I hope so - there may be women who are laughing about me now), but beside the financial issues, I fear for my marriage. We are not that long in a relationship and because of my difficult past, it was not without stress for my future husband, too.

Thank you very much that you pray for me. It is very good to read this 😍
greetings to Australia!
 
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You are in shock Alice, but I already know from what you have shared, that you will recover from this.
It’s wonderful that your future in-laws are welcoming and I hope your fiance will be a great support.

May God bless your dream of family and stability.

May God bless you and your husband naturally with the gift of children despite the diagnosis. I’ve encounter many instances where diagnoses prove incorrect. Please God it will be so xo
 
Thank you for your good wishes. I hope it will be a little bit clearer in the future. One problem ist that our environment here is not that “traditional” - very secular, open, but also absolutely not into family and children. My future husband´s friends are mostly single or in rather loose relationships (“we settle when our studies are finished”, or “we are sooo young, to young to decide”) and they weren´t enthusiastic when we said we will get married after one year (and thinking of it some months before). I was raised different, have a more strict cultural background and had to be mature caused by the bad circumstances a way earlier. He always fights for me in this discussions, but sometimes I fear it could be to much responsibility for him as he was raised very carefree in such a friend circle. He said to me yesterday that we could go for a baby next year as a solution, but I fear he would only do this for me.
 
alice24 said:
He said to me yesterday that we could go for a baby next year as a solution, but I fear he would only do this for me.
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Alice, we all do things for our spouse that we’d not have done alone. My husband does not care to have a dozen friends over and enjoy a meal together–he’d much rather go out with one or two…but my friends have kids, so every “friends” dinner turns into a mini party. We have a house and it needs minor renovations. I lothe it all- the expense, the shifting things around when a room is prepared, the painting…UGG. I would rather live in an apartment and not be responsible for those things. But, I love him and he loves to customize his home, so I agree he may. Not the same as a child, but it’s just examples of how marriage has you agreeing to things you’d not do in a million years.
 
This is a reasonable point of view, thank you. A good friend of mine said something very similar, and maybe one big problem is that I have problems to trust, in general. I never experienced this kind of caring or flexibility in a relationship, his parents are the first people I got to know really close who are still married after 44 years.
 
Thank you very much. Sadly, it seems to me that in germany there are only a few doctors trained in it, but these are only the first google results. More problematic would be the costs, as I am in an ordinary basic health insurance as a student here and they don´t even pay for the alternatice treatment beside the pill for regulating the hormonal problematic…
 
Ok, checked it - we can´t handle the costs,but maybe I can learn something helpful of this method, still. Thank you again for posting it 🙂 It´s like a methodic jungle right now, last night I read some posts here about the in vitro topic and was confused how different the methods are. I never got in contact to these differences, I am a little bit shocked now - when I see this right, is there no method without destroying embryonal cells “they don´t need” ?
I mean, I had a creepy feeling with this, but I thoght there would be ways without this damage. They don´t even say a word about this in the infertility counselings here…
 
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Thank you, this one was very helpful. The FAQ section there is a very good source.
 
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