M
Mrs_Sally
Guest
I am praying for you OP. It can be very hard to live with someone like that. I have family members who were hoarders and they ended up living a very sad life. I pray that your wife gets the help she needs.
- Status
S
sheilathebard
Guest
First off, none of us knows what your house looks like. But no matter how it looks, is it really right to come on here and call your wife a slob?
I am the messy spouse between the two of us. I like things to be clean, but I’m chronically lazy. (And, at the moment, extremely busy, too – I work and have a long commute.) Luckily my husband doesn’t mind doing the cleaning and doesn’t make a big fuss about doing more than his “share” – because I do more of the cooking, for instance, and so it does come out somewhere closer to even in the end.
The one problem comes in when he starts to step on my psychological “toes.” When I was a teenager, I was in boarding school. My closet was subject to inspection, and they would go through my closet and throw away the things that I didn’t “need.” If my clothes weren’t the right style, they would be put in a charity bin and I’d be taken to buy new clothes – the ones picked out for me. I always felt like I was being re-made according to someone else’s mold, and I hated that.
Ever after, I’ve had issues with people moving or reorganizing my stuff. First it was my mom, now it’s my husband. The first time my husband, before we were married, helped me clean out my room to find something I’d lost, I unexpectedly had a complete meltdown. I felt that his efforts to rearrange my things, or even his innocent questions (“You still have this?”) meant that I was not good enough, and I was going to be forced to change into something different.
Now I can’t possibly expect to leave my stuff all over the place and then demand that no one touch it. (Though I would like to sometimes!) Instead, we worked out a deal. I have a desk that is MINE. It is completely cluttered and has stacks of papers inches high. You can tell what I’ve been up to in the past months by doing an archeological dig on that desk. My husband is not supposed to organize it, clean it, or even root around through it. It’s totally hands-off… that desk is for my things, so that I will know where they are, where I can put things I’m afraid of losing (like important papers that he might accidentally throw away) or things that only have value to me.
Having that desk is a life-saver for my sanity. Now I’m way more comfortable letting my husband clean up the rest of the house, because all the things that are really important to me are safely on my desk where he won’t mess with them. Of course I try to help with the cleaning overall when I can, especially when I get on a cleaning spree and feel like organizing … which does not happen as often as I wish it did.
You might suggest that to your wife – that she have a certain space that is all her own, and you won’t judge how she uses that space. But if something’s not in that space, you reserve the right to clean it up! That will give her some emotional security. Besides, you never know – when it’s 100% her space and she never gets nagged about it, she might just make an effort to keep it a little cleaner.
I am the messy spouse between the two of us. I like things to be clean, but I’m chronically lazy. (And, at the moment, extremely busy, too – I work and have a long commute.) Luckily my husband doesn’t mind doing the cleaning and doesn’t make a big fuss about doing more than his “share” – because I do more of the cooking, for instance, and so it does come out somewhere closer to even in the end.
The one problem comes in when he starts to step on my psychological “toes.” When I was a teenager, I was in boarding school. My closet was subject to inspection, and they would go through my closet and throw away the things that I didn’t “need.” If my clothes weren’t the right style, they would be put in a charity bin and I’d be taken to buy new clothes – the ones picked out for me. I always felt like I was being re-made according to someone else’s mold, and I hated that.
Ever after, I’ve had issues with people moving or reorganizing my stuff. First it was my mom, now it’s my husband. The first time my husband, before we were married, helped me clean out my room to find something I’d lost, I unexpectedly had a complete meltdown. I felt that his efforts to rearrange my things, or even his innocent questions (“You still have this?”) meant that I was not good enough, and I was going to be forced to change into something different.
Now I can’t possibly expect to leave my stuff all over the place and then demand that no one touch it. (Though I would like to sometimes!) Instead, we worked out a deal. I have a desk that is MINE. It is completely cluttered and has stacks of papers inches high. You can tell what I’ve been up to in the past months by doing an archeological dig on that desk. My husband is not supposed to organize it, clean it, or even root around through it. It’s totally hands-off… that desk is for my things, so that I will know where they are, where I can put things I’m afraid of losing (like important papers that he might accidentally throw away) or things that only have value to me.
Having that desk is a life-saver for my sanity. Now I’m way more comfortable letting my husband clean up the rest of the house, because all the things that are really important to me are safely on my desk where he won’t mess with them. Of course I try to help with the cleaning overall when I can, especially when I get on a cleaning spree and feel like organizing … which does not happen as often as I wish it did.
You might suggest that to your wife – that she have a certain space that is all her own, and you won’t judge how she uses that space. But if something’s not in that space, you reserve the right to clean it up! That will give her some emotional security. Besides, you never know – when it’s 100% her space and she never gets nagged about it, she might just make an effort to keep it a little cleaner.
K
kage_ar
Guest
Question - did you never see her house/apartment before you married her? Was she a slob and a hoarder then or did her family of origin have this tendancy? If so, did you think marriage would change her?
If this just came on after years of being normal, seek out medical assistance. She may have some physical problem.
If this just came on after years of being normal, seek out medical assistance. She may have some physical problem.
P
pigpen
Guest
I am a total slob (my name is not pigpen because I am a farmer? 
)
All my life I have struggled to be neat and tidy. It’s like I have some form of brain damage or something, neatness and organization just don’t come easily to me. I can start the day with great ambition to get my home in order, only to find that I get off track later in the day and never complete everything I had hoped to complete.
One topic I have not seen mentioned yet on this thread is the subject of ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder. Perhaps you might consider a bit of research on the subject. I found it helpful to read up on ADD, and recognized many ADD tendencies in myself. Some adults benefit from drug therapy, others can improve their habits just by being aware of the problem and developing some coping strategies.
Some of my strategies -
For some reason, I can stay “on task” if I listen to music, as it somehow shuts out distractions that take me off track.
Having a place for everything is important - if I walk in the door, I always have to put my keys in the same place, for example.
I tend to get overwhelmed when there is too much to do - I don’t know where to start, I start working in one area of the house, only to be sidelined by another task. I find it helpful to assign myself certain tasks on days of the week/month. If I clean bathrooms on Monday and wash the floor on Tuesday, I don’t have to feel bad on Monday that the floor is dirty, as I know I will get to it tomorrow. I find it helpful to know I will cycle through a week of scheduled tasks, eventually getting it all done (yes, I know, it will just get messy all over again, but at least it gets clean once a week!)
If the car is an extension of the messy house (mine is) I have found it helpful to pick a day and time to always clean out the car. Example: if I drop son off at music lesson once a week, I go to the carwash, dump out the trash in my car, gas up and get a car wash.
Another ADD trait is having two concepts of time: “now” and “not now”. If I walk in the livingroom and see the handprints on the wall, I think to myself, I should wash the walls; then I think “not now!” I am sure your wife is the same way, in her ability to walk past garbage. And yes, it is helpful to have company over, once every week or two. it forces the “not now” into “now”.
I find clutter overwhelming. Right now, I can look at my front entryway, and see umpteen pairs of shoes, sports equipment, junk mail, pens, keys, etc. I am not detail-oriented! How am I suposed to find the home for every single little doodad and gizmo left out for mom to put away? I toss it into a box, and ask one of the kids to put it all away, find the right home.
Books/authors - Dr. Edward Hallowell has written several books about ADD.he has ADD himself. He is really interesting and funny.
You Mean I’m not Stupid, Lazy or Crazy? by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo
Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults by Lynn Weiss, Ph.D.
I hope this helps!
)All my life I have struggled to be neat and tidy. It’s like I have some form of brain damage or something, neatness and organization just don’t come easily to me. I can start the day with great ambition to get my home in order, only to find that I get off track later in the day and never complete everything I had hoped to complete.
One topic I have not seen mentioned yet on this thread is the subject of ADD - Attention Deficit Disorder. Perhaps you might consider a bit of research on the subject. I found it helpful to read up on ADD, and recognized many ADD tendencies in myself. Some adults benefit from drug therapy, others can improve their habits just by being aware of the problem and developing some coping strategies.
Some of my strategies -
For some reason, I can stay “on task” if I listen to music, as it somehow shuts out distractions that take me off track.
Having a place for everything is important - if I walk in the door, I always have to put my keys in the same place, for example.
I tend to get overwhelmed when there is too much to do - I don’t know where to start, I start working in one area of the house, only to be sidelined by another task. I find it helpful to assign myself certain tasks on days of the week/month. If I clean bathrooms on Monday and wash the floor on Tuesday, I don’t have to feel bad on Monday that the floor is dirty, as I know I will get to it tomorrow. I find it helpful to know I will cycle through a week of scheduled tasks, eventually getting it all done (yes, I know, it will just get messy all over again, but at least it gets clean once a week!)
If the car is an extension of the messy house (mine is
) I have found it helpful to pick a day and time to always clean out the car. Example: if I drop son off at music lesson once a week, I go to the carwash, dump out the trash in my car, gas up and get a car wash.Another ADD trait is having two concepts of time: “now” and “not now”. If I walk in the livingroom and see the handprints on the wall, I think to myself, I should wash the walls; then I think “not now!” I am sure your wife is the same way, in her ability to walk past garbage. And yes, it is helpful to have company over, once every week or two. it forces the “not now” into “now”.
I find clutter overwhelming. Right now, I can look at my front entryway, and see umpteen pairs of shoes, sports equipment, junk mail, pens, keys, etc. I am not detail-oriented! How am I suposed to find the home for every single little doodad and gizmo left out for mom to put away? I toss it into a box, and ask one of the kids to put it all away, find the right home.
Books/authors - Dr. Edward Hallowell has written several books about ADD.he has ADD himself. He is really interesting and funny.
You Mean I’m not Stupid, Lazy or Crazy? by Kate Kelly and Peggy Ramundo
Attention Deficit Disorder in Adults by Lynn Weiss, Ph.D.
I hope this helps!
J
joes12345
Guest
Hello All
I am overwhelemd with so much caring and thoughtful advice. I thank you all so much. My sincere apologies for not responding sooner. Lots of things unrelated to this topic came up that prevented me from logging on. But again, I am extremely grateful to you all. I have read and carefully considered every one of the replies thoroughly. Someone posted a link on marriage that I will definitely read today.
I don’t know where to begin to respond. Yes, I realize my wife needs help. But I guarentee she won’t go for it. She can be stubborn as a mule. The more I ask her to do something (either nicely or otherwise) the more she has to disagree with me. Like I said, she actually argued with me against using laundry baskets. I can honestly say that I’ve tried every solution that involves logic, reasoning, common sense, compromise, love, trust, forgiveness, begging, pleading, arguing, threatening, etc.
Sometimes I think it’s her strange way of hanging onto her youth. Maybe she feels that she’s getting old if she acts like a typical mom. I don’t know. Just a theory. I’m at a loss to see why a wife & mother in her forties keeps a home like a college dorm.
Someone asked about the possibility of CPS getting involved. Thankfully we don’t have garbage rotting in the halls here. Like I said, it’s not as bad as the “Hoarders” TV show. She has a few old soda glasses laying around near her side of the bed with mold from sitting there so long but that’s about it. I refuse to pick them up and wash them anymore. We’re just totally cluttered with mostly paper, clothing and old stuff we don’t need. The kids are safe, well kept, loved and clean. However their rooms are a nightmare of messiness because kids their age can’t possibly be expected to organize so much stuff in the space they have. If that ever changes I’ll have no choice but to divorce. As someone said, they are the most important. Me? I may have to accept that this is my cross to bear. Compared to the crosses some others bear am I not lucky? When I read of the serious emotional and physical pain so many others on this forum have experienced I am still ashamed I asked for help. But I’m glad I got to vent and received your prayers. It has truly helped me and I still believe and await help from our Lord and saviour.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
I am overwhelemd with so much caring and thoughtful advice. I thank you all so much. My sincere apologies for not responding sooner. Lots of things unrelated to this topic came up that prevented me from logging on. But again, I am extremely grateful to you all. I have read and carefully considered every one of the replies thoroughly. Someone posted a link on marriage that I will definitely read today.
I don’t know where to begin to respond. Yes, I realize my wife needs help. But I guarentee she won’t go for it. She can be stubborn as a mule. The more I ask her to do something (either nicely or otherwise) the more she has to disagree with me. Like I said, she actually argued with me against using laundry baskets. I can honestly say that I’ve tried every solution that involves logic, reasoning, common sense, compromise, love, trust, forgiveness, begging, pleading, arguing, threatening, etc.
Sometimes I think it’s her strange way of hanging onto her youth. Maybe she feels that she’s getting old if she acts like a typical mom. I don’t know. Just a theory. I’m at a loss to see why a wife & mother in her forties keeps a home like a college dorm.
Someone asked about the possibility of CPS getting involved. Thankfully we don’t have garbage rotting in the halls here. Like I said, it’s not as bad as the “Hoarders” TV show. She has a few old soda glasses laying around near her side of the bed with mold from sitting there so long but that’s about it. I refuse to pick them up and wash them anymore. We’re just totally cluttered with mostly paper, clothing and old stuff we don’t need. The kids are safe, well kept, loved and clean. However their rooms are a nightmare of messiness because kids their age can’t possibly be expected to organize so much stuff in the space they have. If that ever changes I’ll have no choice but to divorce. As someone said, they are the most important. Me? I may have to accept that this is my cross to bear. Compared to the crosses some others bear am I not lucky? When I read of the serious emotional and physical pain so many others on this forum have experienced I am still ashamed I asked for help. But I’m glad I got to vent and received your prayers. It has truly helped me and I still believe and await help from our Lord and saviour.
THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU
W
whatevergirl
Guest
*Wait a minute…I leave glasses sitting on our nightstand…and some have had mold growing in them. My dh used to take them downstairs, and then he stopped…and just shakes his head. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but reading your words here joe, maybe it is.
Then again, no one is perfect. lol
That is weird though, that your wife does that, and so do I.
*
Then again, no one is perfect. lol
That is weird though, that your wife does that, and so do I.
*
J
jakasaki
Guest
Hi there Joes12345.
I’ve read everyone’s reply and here is my post to you.
Your house is a **BIG fire trap **and God forbid if something may be a defect in your electrical system, the house will go up in flames a lot quicker than you can ever imagine.
Assume this:
Let’s just say you leave her & the kids / divorce.
OK, so what’s next, the mess and the fire trap is still there. It didn’t go away.
So now your wife decides to pack the kids up and move to another location.
What happens to the stuff in the house. Who’s going to clean it up so your wife may sell it. Do you or her think that a real estate agent is going to take your house to the market?
You have received great advice from all on this thread.
Here is mine.
Joe, start with one room at a time. Get a big garbage bag and attack the paper mess first.
Have a laundry basket(s) ready and put clothes in them, … yes… yes… the wife doesn’t agree with you, but regardless, it must be done.
You say the kids are clean, etc… but how do they know what is a clean shirt or pants to wear if their clothes are not put away in drawers. How do they know the dirty clothes from the clean clothes. And since your wife is not using laundry baskets, how does she know what’s clean for the kids.
The kids rooms need to be cleaned up. If they have too much stuff and no where to put it, well then get rid of it. Make it a game for your little ones especially if they have way too many toys. Tell them to give 1/2 of their toys away to poor kids and you take them and give them to your Church so they may sell them in the thrift shop.
What about the kids bedding? Are their sheets/blankets washed once a week?
Think about bed bugs, think about all of the billion of mites in your house, think about the mold spores and fungus … Joe… just because you can’t see these microscopic things doesn’t mean they don’t exist. None of this is good for any of you.
I can go on and one, but I’ll stop.
I wish you well and take charge of your property & real estate & set rules that all must abide to, even the little ones.
I’ve read everyone’s reply and here is my post to you.
Your house is a **BIG fire trap **and God forbid if something may be a defect in your electrical system, the house will go up in flames a lot quicker than you can ever imagine.
Joe, **it’s your real estate **and you need to do something about it. Your kids are just that, kids/children and if they are not taught they will follow in the adults path of being one big mess.
Assume this:
Let’s just say you leave her & the kids / divorce.
OK, so what’s next, the mess and the fire trap is still there. It didn’t go away.
So now your wife decides to pack the kids up and move to another location.
What happens to the stuff in the house. Who’s going to clean it up so your wife may sell it. Do you or her think that a real estate agent is going to take your house to the market?
You have received great advice from all on this thread.
Here is mine.
Joe, start with one room at a time. Get a big garbage bag and attack the paper mess first.
Have a laundry basket(s) ready and put clothes in them, … yes… yes… the wife doesn’t agree with you, but regardless, it must be done.
You say the kids are clean, etc… but how do they know what is a clean shirt or pants to wear if their clothes are not put away in drawers. How do they know the dirty clothes from the clean clothes. And since your wife is not using laundry baskets, how does she know what’s clean for the kids.
The kids rooms need to be cleaned up. If they have too much stuff and no where to put it, well then get rid of it. Make it a game for your little ones especially if they have way too many toys. Tell them to give 1/2 of their toys away to poor kids and you take them and give them to your Church so they may sell them in the thrift shop.
Any mold infested glasses or items are a danger to ones health and the air you breathe. Mold spores are in your air space and this is going into you lungs & her lungs & your kids lungs. Not a good thing.
What about the kids bedding? Are their sheets/blankets washed once a week?
Think about bed bugs, think about all of the billion of mites in your house, think about the mold spores and fungus … Joe… just because you can’t see these microscopic things doesn’t mean they don’t exist. None of this is good for any of you.
I can go on and one, but I’ll stop.
I wish you well and take charge of your property & real estate & set rules that all must abide to, even the little ones.
B
Bruised_Reed
Guest
squalorsurvivors.com/supporters/index.shtml
Another website to consider. These cases sound more extreme from what they are saying but you can still apply the suggestions:
Another website to consider. These cases sound more extreme from what they are saying but you can still apply the suggestions:
K
Kindness
Guest
I was also going to link to Squalor Survivors. There is a lot of current discussion about hoarding in medical circles. For the longest time (until the 1980s) it was ignored as a mental condition, but finally doctors realized there were many people suffering from the same hoarding problems. It was thought to be a case of OCD but now they think hoaders may be in their own category. They are usually very intelligent people who feel very overwhelmed and give “things” an emotional life that gives them more meaning than for most of us. That is why they find it so hard to let go of anything and also won’t let anyone else clean up either. I think maybe you could talk to your priest and see if you can get some help from Catholic Community Services. You wife definitely needs help and obviously it is putting tremendous stress on your marriage and family life. Some hoaders have died in fires as mentioned above and also suffocated or were crushed when all their piles of stuff collapsed on top of them. You may need to do something radical like an “intervention” type of action. I think it’s important that you find loving, sympathetic people who will not shame your wife when helping you and your family deal with this issue.
Physical squalor or “hoarding” is usually partnered by financial squalor where people are overwhelmed by finances and ignore financial issues. If you don’t already know about all your wife’s financial decisions make sure that there are no more “surprises” in store. Maybe a credit report would be a good idea.
This looks like it could be the turning point for your marriage and may God bless you as you look for help and resolution. Please keep us posted on this situation.
Physical squalor or “hoarding” is usually partnered by financial squalor where people are overwhelmed by finances and ignore financial issues. If you don’t already know about all your wife’s financial decisions make sure that there are no more “surprises” in store. Maybe a credit report would be a good idea.
This looks like it could be the turning point for your marriage and may God bless you as you look for help and resolution. Please keep us posted on this situation.
J
joes12345
Guest
Before I reply, can someone tell me how to do the multiple quotes from different responses?
I didn’t know how to do it so I inserted my responses into the quotes below in bold.
I didn’t know how to do it so I inserted my responses into the quotes below in bold.
C
Convert_in_99
Guest
Yes, this is almost definitely OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder) and needs the treatment of a Psychiatrist and a Therapist both. Try to find one that specializes in OCD.
I personally have OCD so I know the signs and symptoms well. I personally don’t struggle much with the hoarding issue, at least not to that severity (I just tend to stock up on food and things, but it all fits neatly behind closed doors) but it is definitely one of many traits found in persons with OCD.
Your wife doesn’t mean to do these things, she literally is compelled by emotions within her psyche too great for her to control on her own. Getting help (through Doctors, Therapists, and medication) is the only way to feel healthy and happy again. Both your wife as and individual and your family as a whole will benefit greatly. But you must get her help, and being a fellow OCD sufferer she will resist help. Get her help ANYWAYS. She will thank you for it later, when she’s healed some and realizes you were the one to get her to this point.
God bless you both during this difficult time.
J
joes12345
Guest
Wow, next to cleaning finances are the biggest problem in our lives. I won’t even get into the arguments we have over credit card bills and lack of financial planning. Thank you for the web site link.
J
jakasaki
Guest
Joe, thank you for your reply. I will no longer burden you with my posts but I will close with this.
I had a male friend who was in your shoes. He complained whined and moaned,… etc… etc…
I once looked into his eyes and you can see his pain but I simply said to him was this.
“”"Phil, I am going to give you a few scenarios here:
If there is ever a fire in your house, you will never be able to safely rescue your kids because all of the paper and clothes you have all over the place will be the obstacle because they will be on flames.
If there is ever a fire in your house, the firemen will not be able to safely rescue your kids because all of the paper and clothes you have all over the place will be the obstacle because they will be on flames.
If you and your wife dies right now in a car accident, God forbid, you will leave this mess & burden on your loved ones.
They will not think twice about saving one piece of anything in your house and I’m certain they will be moaning under their breath as to how can someone live like this.
They will have the burden to rent & pay for the dumpster and disposal of everything.
Is that how you want to be remembered Phil?"""
Well Joe, that woke him up and I’ll leave it at that.
I do send best wishes your way and may you find a solution to your dilemma.
Best regards.
I had a male friend who was in your shoes. He complained whined and moaned,… etc… etc…
I once looked into his eyes and you can see his pain but I simply said to him was this.
“”"Phil, I am going to give you a few scenarios here:
If there is ever a fire in your house, you will never be able to safely rescue your kids because all of the paper and clothes you have all over the place will be the obstacle because they will be on flames.
If there is ever a fire in your house, the firemen will not be able to safely rescue your kids because all of the paper and clothes you have all over the place will be the obstacle because they will be on flames.
If you and your wife dies right now in a car accident, God forbid, you will leave this mess & burden on your loved ones.
They will not think twice about saving one piece of anything in your house and I’m certain they will be moaning under their breath as to how can someone live like this.
They will have the burden to rent & pay for the dumpster and disposal of everything.
Is that how you want to be remembered Phil?"""
Well Joe, that woke him up and I’ll leave it at that.
I do send best wishes your way and may you find a solution to your dilemma.
Best regards.
L
leonie
Guest
I don’t have OCD, but I know what anxiety feels like. It’s a horrible, debilitating, oppressive feeling. 
I hope that when you feel angry, you will remember the pain of your wife’s anxiety and not feel so angry.
God bless your family. I’ll remember you and your wife on my next rosary.
I hope that when you feel angry, you will remember the pain of your wife’s anxiety and not feel so angry.
God bless your family. I’ll remember you and your wife on my next rosary.
M
mmm1
Guest
Hi, Joe! Welcome to CAF & bless you for your concern & trying to calm down & control your anger. Please don’t be ashamed that you asked for help when others are in truly dire circumstances… It’s natural to feel that way, but it’s like not asking for treatment for a broken leg because someone else suffered from an amputation. Your broken leg still needs attention! Many people in this situation would not pray about it & seek help here, so good for you.
I think it’s understandable to need to vent, & to need affirmation that our concerns are valid, to get support & advice & perspective. I would echo a lot of the great advice here. It does seem so important that your wife gets some sort of help, but I understand that you are afraid she will never accept it. I wondered about going to the OCD websites yourself & seeing a therapist trained in that area yourself. The advice & support would help YOU, would show your wife you are majorly concerned/serious/committed to helping her, & might give you advice on getting her to accept treatment. You might wait for their advice before you tell your wife you are seeing someone (if you decide to go that route). Kind of like a spouse who sees a marriage counselor by himself because his wife is unwilling or unable.
Know that you are in my prayers & I will pray for continued graces for you to deal with this & to continue loving your wife through this tough time. She needs that.
Sorry to be so verbose, but my last thought is about your quote for help from our Lord. I think the Holy Spirit came to you in that grace-filled moment to ask for help, & He also may have inspired you to come here. Your relative calmness & advice found here could be part of your answer & help from God.
Prayers that your family receives some relief from the suffering & finds real improvements in your home…
M
Maria65
Guest
I feel for you, Joe, I really do. I come from a family of hoarders, and I know how it affects the non-hoarding members. They don’t understand this.
A few years ago, before my son and I moved to Florida, we came down here to visit relatives in Tampa, Clearwater, and Cedar Key. Each relative’s home we visited was worse than the last. It was like the Hoarders’ World Tour. I had this horrible feeling that, oh no, it must be genetic! I couldn’t wait to get home and clean out my closets!
One of my sisters is an attorney and buys massive amounts of stuff on eBay. She puts off buying a house and fills her two-bedroom apartment with “collectibles.” Her furnace caught on fire and the fire department had to come out. I thought that would wake her up. Nope. Then her apartment manager threatened to evict her if she didn’t clear out some of the stuff. She rented a self storage unit and is still buying stuff on eBay. I have told her she needs to get help. She just gets mad at me.
My other sister lives at home with my parents. My mother is in the advanced stages of Parkinson’s and can’t do anything any more. My father spends virtually all his time taking care of her. My sister cooks and does the laundry but not much else. Her stuff is taking over the house - that is, all the area that is isn’t full of my OTHER sister’s stuff - yes, the sister who doesn’t live there any more - but a lot of her stuff still does! I have tried in vain to get her to clean up, even trying to enlist the aid of my brothers, but my sister refuses all help (and she was diagnosed with OCD years ago, but refuses therapy or any sort of treatment), but everyone just got mad at me and told me to stop meddling.
And to top it off, my sister who lives at home told me that if I EVER get rid of anything that was given to me by or once belonged to anyone else in the family, I am to give it back, rather than giving it away or selling it. And I am not talking about family heirlooms, I mean just stuff. I am not agreeing to that. That house does not need any more stuff in it.
I know when my parents both pass away, I will probably be called upon to come help clean out the house so it can be put on the market, because I am the only person in the family organized enough to do it. I try not to worry about it, I try to put it in God’s hands, but it’s a process.
Yes, your wife needs help to attack the root problem and find out what’s driving this, but I know only too well how hard it is to get someone to get that help. Sorry I’m not much help. I’ll pray for you, and your family, though.
A few years ago, before my son and I moved to Florida, we came down here to visit relatives in Tampa, Clearwater, and Cedar Key. Each relative’s home we visited was worse than the last. It was like the Hoarders’ World Tour. I had this horrible feeling that, oh no, it must be genetic! I couldn’t wait to get home and clean out my closets!
One of my sisters is an attorney and buys massive amounts of stuff on eBay. She puts off buying a house and fills her two-bedroom apartment with “collectibles.” Her furnace caught on fire and the fire department had to come out. I thought that would wake her up. Nope. Then her apartment manager threatened to evict her if she didn’t clear out some of the stuff. She rented a self storage unit and is still buying stuff on eBay. I have told her she needs to get help. She just gets mad at me.
My other sister lives at home with my parents. My mother is in the advanced stages of Parkinson’s and can’t do anything any more. My father spends virtually all his time taking care of her. My sister cooks and does the laundry but not much else. Her stuff is taking over the house - that is, all the area that is isn’t full of my OTHER sister’s stuff - yes, the sister who doesn’t live there any more - but a lot of her stuff still does! I have tried in vain to get her to clean up, even trying to enlist the aid of my brothers, but my sister refuses all help (and she was diagnosed with OCD years ago, but refuses therapy or any sort of treatment), but everyone just got mad at me and told me to stop meddling.
And to top it off, my sister who lives at home told me that if I EVER get rid of anything that was given to me by or once belonged to anyone else in the family, I am to give it back, rather than giving it away or selling it. And I am not talking about family heirlooms, I mean just stuff. I am not agreeing to that. That house does not need any more stuff in it.
I know when my parents both pass away, I will probably be called upon to come help clean out the house so it can be put on the market, because I am the only person in the family organized enough to do it. I try not to worry about it, I try to put it in God’s hands, but it’s a process.
Yes, your wife needs help to attack the root problem and find out what’s driving this, but I know only too well how hard it is to get someone to get that help. Sorry I’m not much help. I’ll pray for you, and your family, though.
J
joes12345
Guest
Hi All
I haven’t checked on my thread here for a couple months. Nothing has changed here but I want to thank everyone again for the prayers.
We’re getting ready to go on vacation soon and I cant let the utility room ( a true fire hazard) be left in the way it is. I dread the arguments I have coming.
The quote someone wrote here will be a big help during those arguments. So I wanted to thank that person.
I haven’t checked on my thread here for a couple months. Nothing has changed here but I want to thank everyone again for the prayers.
We’re getting ready to go on vacation soon and I cant let the utility room ( a true fire hazard) be left in the way it is. I dread the arguments I have coming.
The quote someone wrote here will be a big help during those arguments. So I wanted to thank that person.
God bless you all.
M
MercyMia
Guest
Me too!!! Well I love a cup of tea while reading before bed (or surfing on here) and when I get up in the morning the only thing on my mind is getting ready for work not transporting dishware. Sometimes I drag coffee into the bedroom on a Saturday morning too… but the cup never makes its way back to the kitchen. At first my husband hated it - he just couldn’t comprehend me not walking back to the kitchen with the cup. BUT then adopted the bad habit too!!! I did this in college and my room mate thought it was the craziest habit every. Anyways, I am quite messy about certain things. I struggle with a certain type of laziness where I am ambitious about the “big picture” in life but let little things fall by the wayside (i.e I am reading something and it is life changing, my mind is zipping around, who can stop to put a cup in the sink?). Hard to explain. I am also very neat and organized about my appearance so when I mention to people that I am sloppy at home they refuse to believe it. Thinking about it, this may speak something about my personality, maybe my priority is outside appearance that others will see and not the interior home life. Food for thought (but hopefully not the hoarded, moldy type).*Wait a minute…I leave glasses sitting on our nightstand…and some have had mold growing in them. My dh used to take them downstairs, and then he stopped…and just shakes his head. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal, but reading your words here joe, maybe it is.
Then again, no one is perfect. lol
That is weird though, that your wife does that, and so do I.
R
reaganjn
Guest
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