Need Help-Relationship btw myself and my parents

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Godlover4444

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I have made some bad choices throughout the last two years that have put me in a very uncomfortable position. I have never felt completely comfortable with opening up to my parents and letting them know how i feel about personal things. I know that’s normal but i have turned to other resources now because of it. Children should be able to feel comfortable with talking to their parents about any issue they are struggling with right? I am trying to open myself up more to my parents but it is hard. I know they want to help me deal with my struggles but they have proven to me many times that they either don’t know how to help exactly or they don’t want to. They say they are too “busy” and yes they do have a lot of stress right now because of my sick grandfather but i just don’t understand why they can’t put a little more effort into helping me with my struggles. I am struggling with two main things right now…my relationship with my father and the computer. I started talking with strangers when i was 13 and still am due to the fact that i feel more comfortable opening up to them rather than my parents. My father has physically abused me a short while back and I am not sure what the best way is to handle that. So if anyone has any advice I would greatly appreciate it. Thanks.
 
How old are you (approximately)? That has a lot to do with the answer I’d give. 👍
 
Indeed, a minor and somebody of legal age- two different answers entirely.
 
If you are younger than 18, listen to what other people may say to you… if you’re not, then here’s what I have to say: I get really, really sick of people have these expectations that families are perfect and there is something wrong with you if you don’t enjoy every single blood(or adoptive) relative in your life, regardless of how they have treated you. Sometimes, it is NOT YOUR PROBLEM if you don’t enjoy talking to or being around another family member, be it your parents, siblings, whatever. Some allowances should be made for those of advanced age, or mental disabilities, of course, but barring those, I don’t see why you should be comfortable with a father who physically abused you. It’s good that you want to work on it, but if your father isn’t, you may have to be willing to drop it, and take means to protect yourself, rather than putting yourself in harm’s way just because he’s your father.
Rather than talking to strangers, I would see if you could talk to a priest, a religious(brother or sister), or a counselor, someone who knows how to help people in your situation.

On a personal note, my mother goes through EXTREME mood swings, depending on the time of day, and the time of month. I have learned to figure out when she is her normal self, when we can have a normal conversation, and when she isn’t. I just don’t talk to her then, I won’t get a real answer to whatever it was I wanted to discuss. Bottom line, yes, we should all try to be loving family members, but sometimes the other people in your life aren’t willing to make the effort, and we have to be realistic.
 
pumpkinbeast said:
If you are younger than 18, listen to what other people may say to you… if you’re not, then here’s what I have to say: I get really, really sick of people have these expectations that families are perfect and there is something wrong with you if you don’t enjoy every single blood(or adoptive) relative in your life, regardless of how they have treated you. Sometimes, it is NOT YOUR PROBLEM if you don’t enjoy talking to or being around another family member, be it your parents, siblings, whatever. Some allowances should be made for those of advanced age, or mental disabilities, of course, but barring those, I don’t see why you should be comfortable with a father who physically abused you. It’s good that you want to work on it, but if your father isn’t, you may have to be willing to drop it, and take means to protect yourself, rather than putting yourself in harm’s way just because he’s your father.
Rather than talking to strangers, I would see if you could talk to a priest, a religious(brother or sister), or a counselor, someone who knows how to help people in your situation.

On a personal note, my mother goes through EXTREME mood swings, depending on the time of day, and the time of month. I have learned to figure out when she is her normal self, when we can have a normal conversation, and when she isn’t. I just don’t talk to her then, I won’t get a real answer to whatever it was I wanted to discuss. Bottom line, yes, we should all try to be loving family members, but sometimes the other people in your life aren’t willing to make the effort, and we have to be realistic.
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Yes, thank you very much. I thought i could talk things through at first but it’s gotten to the point where i know i have to go beyond that. I’m working on contacting a counselor right now. Hopefully that’ll help.
 
Your father broke your trust when he abused you. His job is to take care of you. It takes a long, long time to rebuild trust.

The Lord tell us to forgive, and pray for, those who have sinned against us. Nowhere does He tell us we must trust them. I have forgiven someone who abused me, but (if he were alive today) I wouldn’t trust him an inch. (By the way, it was about 30 years after the abuse untiI was able to forgive.)

So you only have to trust your fathers in the areas you know him to be trustworthy.

Counseling is a great idea! Good for you.

God bless you,

Ruthie
 
If you have somebody you can trust at school, such as a counselor or teacher, talk with them, now today, don’t wait!!! Go to somebody you can truly trust and TELL THEM ABOUT YOUR FATHER.

Your grandfather’s illness should not undermine your need for safety.
 
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