Need help!!! SAME SEX ATTRACTION!

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Joe1844762

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Hey everyone,
I joined the forum because I really need some help.

We’ll basically my whole life I’ve had strictly same sex same sex attractions. I’m now 23. I have never acted on these attractions tho. Now this might seem great that I’m living a celibate life but it’s anything but great. Over the last few years I’ve developed serious depression because of the loneliness and lack of a relationship. All my friends are getting married and moving on with life and leaving me behind. Also I struggle a lot with crushes on guys. Even if I am celibate I get really big crushes on my friends and it’s driving me insane. Life without sex would suck but I could live with it but I can’t live alone without a family and living alone. Some people are meant to be celibate but I’m not. Jesus said it’s not meant for some people and that’s me! I am burning with passion as Paul put it.

Also I don’t want to live my life alone. I make minimum wage and I can’t support myself my whole life like this. Also I can’t life with guy friends because I will just fall in love and that’ll make things way worse.

Celibacy is more just no sex. I have emotional attachments to guys I can’t break and I do not want to live alone my whole life.

I am deride fly not called to be a priest FYI.

What should I do? I don’t want to go thru life alone. I have zero solutions here.
 
I cannot with sound mind offer much practical advice because I haven’t had the same experiences you have had. That being said, always remember to offer up your sufferings to the Lord, to pray, to fast, and to thank God for the great gift of avoiding sins of impurity (even if it is difficult or nearly impossible). Attend Holy Mass and receive Holy Communion often and pray that the Lord will strengthen you daily.

I’m sorry that I don’t have great non-spiritual advice, but I also wanted to tell you that I will pray for you tonight and remember you in my intentions when I pray Vespers and the chaplet of Divine Mercy later. I will also ask the Blessed Mother to intercede for your intentions. Your username is Joe1844762. I am also a Joseph. I’ll pray to our mutual patron chaste St Joseph that he will ask the Lord to deliver you from difficult desires.
 
My friend, you do not ever have to be alone because you are suffering same sex attractions. I suggest you look for a nearby chapter of Courage: couragerc.net/

It is a Catholic organization composed of people who suffer from same sex attractions like yourself along with ministers and friends and family members from enCourage. They provide strong friendship for people like you with the knowledge of the difficulties you face.

I know you are facing a great challenge. I cannot imagine being your shoes, but throug prayer and support, you can stay chaste. Tell them all your concerns, including your concern about developing crushes on your friends. I have found the website to be an excellent resource.

The resources on the website are excellent. I encourage you to read the testimonial colelction: couragerc.net/Testimonials_Collection.html

I also hope you can find a nearby chapter here: couragerc.net/Chapter_Listings.html

Joe, you do not have to be alone. I myself am willing to be there just to talk, even if it’s on the internet. The biggest misconception you can have is that your only choice is between acting on your sam-sex attractions or isolating yourself.
 
If I can weigh in again, look into the Confraternity of Angelic Warfare.

(angelicwarfareconfraternity.org/)

I was invested by my pastor who has the faculties and it is a great help and a beautiful devotion besides. Even if you choose/are not able to be invested, the prayers the members pray are excellent and St Thomas Aquinas is a great patron.

Only Dominican priests and those whom they grant faculties to may invest someone but if you go to the “contact” page on this website they could point you in the right direction.
 
Hi, Joe.

I’m in a similar boat - except I am straight. But I’ve hardly dated anyone.

But I am not afraid of dying alone. Here’s why. Whomever I meet, I love. I desire to do the good for them.

If you feel a need for love, you may want to find an environment where you can love other people without worrying about thoughts like dating. For example, you may wish to become a CNA, as I have, and to serve the elderly. You touch all kinds of things in such an environment, even things you usually would in a marital relationship. But it’s not sexual at all. If you are able to, cleaning after the needy elderly can be a most rewarding and heart-feeding act of love.

My friend, I am not sure if I am right, but I think what you and I - and I don’t doubt every man - needs is to be needed. That’s why we hunger for sex, of any kind. To satisfy another person - or have the illusion thereof, as in porn, or fornication - is a very powerful act.

If you really insist on something like the married life, I might suggest the story of a Mormon named Josh Weed. He’s married, has three kids, and is unambiguously gay. Maybe you’re called to the married life, maybe not. Maybe this will help you discern.

Here’s his blog. I found it rather fascinating. joshweed.com/p/faq-new.html

And, are you absolutely sure the religious or sacramental life of a priest are not your calling? What makes you think this?
 
Joe1844762 said:
Hey everyone,
I joined the forum because I really need some help.
Click to expand...
Hi Joe! 🙂
We’ll basically my whole life I’ve had strictly same sex same sex attractions. I’m now 23. I have never acted on these attractions tho. Now this might seem great that I’m living a celibate life but it’s anything but great. Over the last few years I’ve developed serious depression because of the loneliness and lack of a relationship. All my friends are getting married and moving on with life and leaving me behind. Also I struggle a lot with crushes on guys. Even if I am celibate I get really big crushes on my friends and it’s driving me insane. Life without sex would suck but I could live with it but I can’t live alone without a family and living alone. Some people are meant to be celibate but I’m not. Jesus said it’s not meant for some people and that’s me! I am burning with passion as Paul put it.
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I have same-sex attraction, too, brother. I get it.

You need support. How many people do you talk about your SSA to? Do you have close friends and family? Your need for friendship, love and intimacy is a valid need. You need to find ways to meet those needs.
Also I don’t want to live my life alone. I make minimum wage and I can’t support myself my whole life like this. Also I can’t life with guy friends because I will just fall in love and that’ll make things way worse.
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Are you sure? I mean, there’s a couple things worth mentioning here. One is that I doubt you find every man attractive, certainly not enough to fall in love with people simply because they’re male. It seems like there might be a living situation out there that could work for you – though it might not involve living with the type of person you “click” with. That’s OK. Brotherhood is not about “clicking”; it’s about “iron sharpening iron.”

Question: What habits do you have that reinforce these desires? Do you watch romance movies? Do you look at porn? Do you listen to love songs? You don’t need to answer these questions here, but do consider them. Our habits often reinforce our desires. There have been times in the past when I found myself actively thinking about seeking out a sexual connection with another guy – and, sure enough, this level of temptation came because I had been stuck in a pornography rut.
Celibacy is more just no sex. I have emotional attachments to guys I can’t break and I do not want to live alone my whole life.
Click to expand...
There’s nothing wrong with emotional attachments, but they need to be healthy attachments. (Obsessing is a bad sign). God wants you to have close and meaningful friendships.

Also, marriage to a woman might not be completely out of the question, as another poster mentioned. (I’m married, by the way). But transparency is a real must.
 
I struggle with same sex attraction and I cannot motivate myself to go to confession, in spite of being afraid of Hell.

I have reached a point where I am arguing with God because I don’t want to end certain friendships. I have not committed impure actions with someone else, but sometimes, when I shake someone’s hand, I notice myself holding on a little longer.

Also, with two of my friends, I have committed lustful thoughts. I would try to push them away. But there were times where I willfully would think of them and then push them away.

I am questioning what my intentions are. I don’t want to do anything sinful with them, but maybe God was telling a while back that I should end the friendships.

I have OCD, so that could add on the fear. But I can’t use that as an excuse if God is telling me to stop being friends with the specific people.

The ironic thing is I used to worry that I was friends for sexual reasons during the eight months that I was in the state of grace before my relapse. How do I know that God does want me to end the friendships?

I want to come back to God, and I do not want to be a reprobate. The reason why I have put off confession is that I was afraid that I have to give up the friends. Because of that, I must end them. I just hope that I am wrong.

I don’t want to live in sin.

But I want to be friends with these guys. It’s just I do not think I can. I want so much to be friends with them, but to follow God, and I want the grace for these friendships to stop taking precedent over God, and for me to be chaste. I would like these friends to get to Heaven, and I need to go, too.

If these friends will drag me to Hell, then I want care about and act; nothing is worth going to Hell for. How can I stop being selfish?
 
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