Need help! Scrupulos's lusty thoughts' gravity undiscerned

[foolishmortal]

I was in a shopping center and saw images that might later inspire me to look at people like them and that get me thinking of what they might look like undressed. It seems to happen more when I’m anxious and/or fatigued by bad sleeping habits. I want to see these things and think about them and so I imagine a fantasy, but then I don’t want to so it’s a really quick fantasy. My brain misses the pleasurable thought of the first one and imagines something like it for an instant. It can go on like that until I do something completely different but I may not have time to switch, or I don’t feel I do, so easily like when shopping or walking the dog. I go to the verge of missing the immediate pleasure of masturbation despite the anxiety and regret that follows when I run this course.
Is imagining the fantasy (that involves nudes–sometimes sexually or sensually interacting with me) a mortal sin right there? What if it is with a demographic that makes it more nasty even if I have no intention of doing that in real life? If it is stopped short, is it merely a battle within or had consenting to the temptation to imagine a sensual scene made it immediately mortal? I know thoughts count in the gravity of sin–like what Jesus said about one looking at a woman in lust. How much time spent in indulgence/reflection is enough to be a mortal sin? Is there a way to measure sufficient knowledge if only a rule of thumb?
A priest told me that a list of grave sins only would make one who is scrupulous more scrupulous, but I don’t think every sin mentioned in an examination of conscience is a mortal sin (and not every list has the same sins). Thus, I’m in serious doubt and that makes me anxious. I need to know what is grave matter and what is not, I feel, or I’ll confess not getting enough sleep (which I get from confessors, is not necessary to confess) and will get cut off by some priests before getting to a mortal sin because he figures I’m scrupulous. It would save me, him, and those behind me a lot of time to know what is grave matter.

Thanks! Merry Christmas!

 

[MrIrish]

foolishmortal:

It would save me, him, and those behind me a lot of time to know what is grave matter.

catholicparents.org/oxcart/examination.html

This is the best examination of conscience I am aware of. I refer to it frequently. Try it.

I also highly recommend the following website. I have found it very helpful:

mission.liguori.org/newsletters/scrupanon.htm

 

[foolishmortal]

Thank you and God bless you and Merry Christmas!
The first link’s examination reminds me of Rev. Donald F. Miller CSSR’s examen for chastity, but he didn’t have the net then.
Dwelling on impure thoughts for arousal and not controlling the imagination sound a bit similar, don’t you think? One is mortal and the other is venial all 3 conditions considered. Is there a rule of thumb for how much forethought is sufficient reflection? I was enjoying the arousal, but then I didn’t want to get in trouble, yet I did it again and the stopped in seconds.
“Glories of Mary” is a great book! As long as you try and ask for her help, you can expect help, but you might get help anyway if you are a screw up and don’t do either–even by your own obstinacy–your chances just wouldn’t be as good. Mary is omnicompassionate, but no fool.

 

[katybird]

If you suffer from scrupulosity (and it sounds like you do), don’t ask for (name removed by moderator)ut from a message board. You will get a wide array of opinions and they’ll just make you spin your wheels more. You may also run into a troll who will want to wind you up.

You should have one (and only one) priest who is your regular confessor. Tell him that you have scruples and then trust him in what he tells you. God will see that you are trying and you will be safer that way.