Need help to accept God's 'punishment'

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A couple of years ago I went for a retreat and the priest there who had the spiritual gift of prophecy told me that the problem I was go through then was because I was leading an ungodly lifestyle and was disobedient to my parents.

I find it difficult to accept that God punished me. I go to two extremes- I either feel defiant and rebellious, wanting to turn my back on God, or go terribly depressed thinking I was punished (and no one who has sense is). I end up going either terribly scrupulous or terribly indifférent. In fact I feel I’ve sinned much more gravely after the incident than before. I also end up with a bad inferiority complex, and feel like punching anyone I see who is good. All this negativity makes me feel even more anxious and down,especially when I go to confession. I have some grave sins to say and sometimes the priest looks at me in such a way that it pierces my heart. Now I know it’s my fault, and God has forgiven me, but I keep falling back to this. So in the end, I’m stuck in a prison of my own mind.

I also end up nearly wailing everytime I go to church. All the bad stuff I went through flashes through my mind. I cry like a baby and everyone stares the heck outta me.

Accepting that it was my own fault makes me scared because I’m still not out of disobeying my parents. And it makes me feel like I’ll never be happy or blessed in my life, because of all my sins.

Please pray for me that I may accept the past and move on. I hope I come to peace with what happened soon, and as the Bible says, consider myself blessed because I was ‘punished’ by God.
 
You punished yourself by turning away from goodness and righteousness.
God allows us to choose, and we ourselves choose the consequences.
 
As Clare has said. Also, it sounds like you may want to seek some professional help.
 
Remember, there ARE many false prophets…you may have encountered one…seek counselling now from another source.

Praying for you now.

Our Father, Hail Mary, Glory Be, Fatima, AMEN!
 
Hail Mary,
Full of grace,
The Lord is with Thee.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit of Thy womb,
Jesus
Holy Mary,
Mother of God,
Pray for us sinners,
Now and at the hour of death,
Amen
 
Holy Spirit of God, please heal, bless and guide cookie-san towards a healthy, holy, spiritual life and understanding.
Bless cookie-san with a wholesome, truly Catholic new beginning.

Saint Pio wrote:
“The spirit of God is always a spirit of peace, and in the case of grave sin, it makes us feel a tranquil sorrow, humble, confident, and this is due to His mercy.
The spirit of the demon, on the contrary, makes us in our sorrow feel something like anger against ourselves, whereas our first charity must be towards ourselves.
So, if certain thoughts agitate you…Such agitation comes from the devil.” “Walk with simplicity in the way of the Lord and do not torment your spirit.”

Harvest
Beloved Jesus—from the compost of my sins, failures, faults and omissions please enrich the soil that nurtures the harvest that You prepare of my being and life—for Your delight, and for others’ benefit.
From the flower and fruit of all grace and good sprung from You within me, please bountifully glorify Yourself and bless all whose lives touch mine!
 
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Yes, I know. Hence the word punished in quotes.
 
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cookie-san, please live in trust of God’s mercy and forgiveness.
Certainly there are consequences to our choices and behavior,
but there is hope.
Maybe the spirit of something I once wrote can help your hope to life up a little more?

Springtime garden

Our God, I have lived in the winter of selfishness, choked by weeds of discouragement. I have feared my betrayal of Your love and sacrifice for me. I have grieved for my offences against Your goodness and against other people. I have feared atrophy of my soul, and the deprivation of others whom You desire to love through me! Now I lift up my being in joyful thanksgiving.

As with a new Spring, let goodness grow in me, enriched with our Saviour’s merit and nurtured in faith, hope, Sacrament and prayer. Let Your Holy Spirit germinate in me the gifts of truth, wisdom, fortitude, understanding, counsel, and reverence, then, this garden that Your mercy forms out of wasteland, shall glorify You as it blossoms, fruits and scatters seed of witness and service.

Thus shall You, and anyone who enters the garden of my life, find richness of love, faith, joy, truth, gentleness, and peace. Let it be a haven, a refuge, a place of contemplation, a source of nourishment for others, a loving witness of Your love.

Life-of-my-garden, our God—come walk in the wonders that You have created, and rejoice! For I have lived in wintry emptiness, smothered by weeds of sin, discouragement and confusion. I have feared the betrayal of Your redemption in the wilderness of my life. I grieved for my offences to Your infinite goodness and mourned for my deprivation of souls whom You wished to serve through me, yet I was unable to change, except through trust in you and with the graces of determined action and of faithfulness.
.
Now I am reclaimed by Your merciful Redemption. I lift my spirit in thanksgiving and love that perfumes this garden through all the changing seasons of my life.
 
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Act of Thanksgiving to the Trinity
St. Catherine of Siena

O Eternal God! O Eternal Trinity! Through the
union of Thy divine nature Thou hast made so
precious the Blood of Thine only-begotten Son!
O eternal Trinity, Thou art as deep a mystery
as the sea, in whom the more I seek, the more I
find; and the more I find, the more I seek. For
even immersed in the depths of Thee, my soul
is never satisfied, always famished and
hungering for Thee, eternal Trinity, wishing
and desiring to see Thee, the True Light.

O eternal Trinity, with the light of
understanding I have tasted and seen the
depths of Thy mystery and the beauty of Thy
creation. In seeing myself in Thee, I have seen
that I will become like Thee. O eternal Father,
from Thy power and Thy wisdom clearly Thou
hast given to me a share of that wisdom which
belongs to Thine Only-begotten Son. And truly
hast the Holy Spirit, who proceedeth from Thee,
Father and Son, given to me the desire to love
Thee.

O eternal Trinity, Thou art my maker and I am
Thy creation. Illuminated by Thee, I have
learned that Thou hast made me a new
creation through the Blood of Thine Only-
begotten Son because Thou art captivated by
love at the beauty of Thy creation.

O eternal Trinity, O Divinity, O unfathomable
abyss, O deepest sea, what greater gift could
Thou givest me then Thy very Self? Thou art
a fire that burns eternally yet never consumed,
a fire that consumes with Thy heat my self-love.
Again and again Thou art the fire who taketh
away all cold heartedness and illuminateth the
mind by Thy light, the light with which Thou
hast made me to know Thy truth.

By this mirrored light I know Thou are the
highest good, a good above all good, a fortunate
good, an incomprehensible good, an
unmeasurable good, a beauty above all beauty,
a wisdom above all wisdom, for Thou art
wisdom itself, the food of angels, the fire of love
that Thou givest to man.

Thou art the garment covering our nakedness.
Thou feedest our family with Thy sweetness, a
sweetness Thou art from which there is no
trace of bitterness. O Eternal Trinity! Amen.

Act of Thanksgiving to the Trinity, from
St. Catherine’s Dialogue on Divine Providence
 
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