Need Help To Escape An Addiction

[ineedofmercy]

I have one user really helping me but he helps a lot of people and don’t wish to overwhelm him

I’m looking for active users to help me through PMs and guide me out of my porn addiction

My record of freedom is 45-50 days
I usually get stuck on a certain day and recently it was as low as 3 when it sparked again
Today I failed at 8 days free thanks to the great people here

I need to people who feel they can help
I know this isn’t for everyone and prayers will be greatly appreciated
I actually feel the prayers lifting the weights of temptation

I know I beg for help her a lot for various reasons
But this is where God led me for help
I was afraid to make an account
Now that I did its the best thing I’ve done in awhile

After I sin my life feels like nothing but an offense to God and that I just deserve nothing
But when I’m doing well against it my life comes back

I’m 15 and have a complex situation of addiction,fear, and other struggles

I really need help because every failure makes my life worse and I need all the friends I can get
Sorry if this is too long and I understand if those that wanna help but can’t be very active any help is awesome
Thank you all
I hope one day I can help you guys rather than ask for you’re help
If you think you can help at all PM me

 

[brad90956]

Have you tried talking to your parish priest? Maybe making an appointment and sitting down and talking with him about it?

 

[pensmama87]

There are support groups that could be helpful - Sexaholics Anonymous comes to mind.

I would also suggest reaching out to support off the Internet. Getting you away from a computer screen will help you avoid temptations. Go to confession. Ask for help from your school guidance counselor if you go to school. Get involved in church and school activities or a hobby that doesn’t involve the computer. Be busy. Work hard, go to bed tired. Help around the house.

I will be praying for you.

 

[ineedofmercy]

There are support groups that could be helpful - Sexaholics Anonymous comes to mind.

I would also suggest reaching out to support off the Internet. Getting you away from a computer screen will help you avoid temptations. Go to confession. Ask for help from your school guidance counselor if you go to school. Get involved in church and school activities or a hobby that doesn’t involve the computer. Be busy. Work hard, go to bed tired. Help around the house.

I will be praying for you.

I have a very complex situation is regards to confession I’ve explained in my older threads
It’s because I fear embarrassment not from telling the priest but from asking to go(my family just will want to know why and bug me and if I give an answer like its between me and God they will secretly wanna know a take a guess and get it most likely

If I could i would try to go to confession every week

My family usually does the once a year thing which I think is stupid and it’s been more than a year now

It’s really hard to explain correctly
It’s hard not to hate your life when you wanna do the right thing but then it will be endless torture after of embarrassment,questioning,awkwardness,looks
I know it’s better to be judged by man than by God but being judged by man still sucks and I don’t know if I could take it I would snap I would be a wreck if they knew that I did this

I don’t want that to happen even though I might have to do it soon
It’s just gonna be the hardest thing I’ve ever done

I know it seems silly and almost babyish to be like this but if I could explain it better maybe it would be easier to understand

 

[guanophore]

 I have one user really helping me but he helps a lot of people and don't wish to overwhelm him

I’m looking for active users to help me through PMs and guide me out of my porn addiction

My record of freedom is 45-50 days
I usually get stuck on a certain day and recently it was as low as 3 when it sparked again
Today I failed at 8 days free thanks to the great people here

First, let me compliment you for taking on the struggle. It is not an easy one but it is the path to holiness.

Second, I am very concerned about this way of thinking: “I failed…”

Although I can see advantages of going one day at a time, and having many days in a row, thinking about relapse as a “failure” is really counterproductive. Such struggles with temptation can be very useful to look at the process and what is triggering relapses, so they should be considered learning experiences rather than “failure”. Even if one fall into sin, one can get back into grace, and falling does not need to be seen as “failure” but rather just a reminder of how much we need to depend on the Grace of God to succeed (instead of ourselves).

I need to people who feel they can help
I know this isn’t for everyone and prayers will be greatly appreciated
I actually feel the prayers lifting the weights of temptation

I know I beg for help her a lot for various reasons
But this is where God led me for help
I was afraid to make an account
Now that I did its the best thing I’ve done in awhile

After I sin my life feels like nothing but an offense to God and that I just deserve nothing
But when I’m doing well against it my life comes back

I have read your posts before and may have said this, but will do so again. Yes, sin offends God, and our guilt and shame are there to remind us this is the case. These feelings are there to motivate us to change (repent) and get on a different road.

The truth is that we all deserve nothing. None of us will ever be able to deserve the sacrifice Jesus made on our behalf. While we were yet sinners, Christ died for us. He loved us before the foundation of the world, and not because we “deserve it”. So all that to say that you can’t base progress on “feelings”. We repent, turn to God, and start over, and not allow the devil to bury us in guilt and shame, or lies about “deserving”.

I’m 15 and have a complex situation of addiction,fear, and other struggles

I really need help because every failure makes my life worse and I need all the friends I can get

This distorted thinking will have to go. I already addressed the problem of thinking about the struggle as “failure”, but the idea that it “makes life worse” to fall and get up again is self defeating. On the contrary, from God’s point of view, whenever we get up and carry on after falling our life in Him gets better.

Sorry if this is too long and I understand if those that wanna help but can’t be very active any help is awesome
Thank you all
I hope one day I can help you guys rather than ask for you’re help
If you think you can help at all PM me

I think some work on your distorted thinking would be very helpful.

 

[pensmama87]

I have a very complex situation is regards to confession I’ve explained in my older threads
It’s because I fear embarrassment not from telling the priest but from asking to go(my family just will want to know why and bug me and if I give an answer like its between me and God they will secretly wanna know a take a guess and get it most likely

If I could i would try to go to confession every week

My family usually does the once a year thing which I think is stupid and it’s been more than a year now

It’s really hard to explain correctly
It’s hard not to hate your life when you wanna do the right thing but then it will be endless torture after of embarrassment,questioning,awkwardness,looks
I know it’s better to be judged by man than by God but being judged by man still sucks and I don’t know if I could take it I would snap I would be a wreck if they knew that I did this

I don’t want that to happen even though I might have to do it soon
It’s just gonna be the hardest thing I’ve ever done

I know it seems silly and almost babyish to be like this but if I could explain it better maybe it would be easier to understand

OK, so why not talk to a counselor at school? They will keep things confidential. SA has telephone and online meetings if it’s not possible to attend in person.

And even if you succumb to the addiction, you can still work on the other things - being busy, avoiding being alone in your room, focusing on school or work or a hobby. You can over time retrain your brain to find other outlets besides the addiction. But I would highly recommend a therapist.

I first saw a therapist when I was 15. I was really embarrassed but he helped aa lot. He was recommended by my school counselor.

 

[ineedofmercy]

OK, so why not talk to a counselor at school? They will keep things confidential. SA has telephone and online meetings if it’s not possible to attend in person.

And even if you succumb to the addiction, you can still work on the other things - being busy, avoiding being alone in your room, focusing on school or work or a hobby. You can over time retrain your brain to find other outlets besides the addiction. But I would highly recommend a therapist.

I first saw a therapist when I was 15. I was really embarrassed but he helped aa lot. He was recommended by my school counselor.

I’m homeschooled so I can’t see a counselor
It’s not that I don’t want the help(confession) it’s I’m afraid of the awkwardness of asking to go
My parents are gonna ask why and probably take guesses
Don’t ask me how but I just know
I might have to man up soon but it’s going to suck

 

[guanophore]

I have a very complex situation is regards to confession

It’s because I fear embarrassment not from telling the priest but from asking to go(my family just will want to know why and bug me and if I give an answer like its between me and God they will secretly wanna know a take a guess and get it most likely

It is no one’s business why you want to go to confession, but I do understand the awkward spot you are in now. You can throw out some smokescreens:

1. I am thinking about becoming a priest and it is recommended that one go to confession every week (that should give them something to freak about!)
2. I want to grow spiritually, and i find myself getting very angry when people start prying into my spiritual life and I want to get past that
3. I am having dreams about doing violent things to people who ask me nosy questions and it is bothering me. Or I have dreams about things I only want to talk to the priest.
4. I heard that calling my brother a “fool” is deserving of the fires of hell and I have thought even worse things about my family members
5. It’s hard when you wanna do the right thing but then it will be endless torture after of embarrassment,questioning,awkwardness,looks. It makes me want to give up trying.

etc.

You can use some humor, or make up some outrageous reason to let them know you don’t want to talk about it.

 If I could i would try to go to confession every week

My family usually does the once a year thing which I think is stupid and it’s been more than a year now

It’s really hard to explain correctly
It’s hard not to hate your life when you wanna do the right thing but then it will be endless torture after of embarrassment,questioning,awkwardness,looks
I know it’s better to be judged by man than by God but being judged by man still sucks and I don’t know if I could take it I would snap I would be a wreck if they knew that I did this

I don’t want that to happen even though I might have to do it soon
It’s just gonna be the hardest thing I’ve ever done

I know it seems silly and almost babyish to be like this but if I could explain it better maybe it would be easier to understand

It is not silly, and not babyish at all. Your family members are nosy and it sounds like you have been trained to be shamed and ashamed of certain things. I think it is very important that you don’t give them reasons to ask or to talk about it. If you say they are bad dreams, you can’t be held responsible for it, and you can insist that you don’t want to talk to anyone but a priest.

This judgmental thinking about yourself (saying it is silly and baby) is part of the cognitive distortions that need to be corrected for you to feel better.

 

[pensmama87]

I’m homeschooled so I can’t see a counselor
It’s not that I don’t want the help(confession) it’s I’m afraid of the awkwardness of asking to go
My parents are gonna ask why and probably take guesses
Don’t ask me how but I just know
I might have to man up soon but it’s going to suck

Guanophore has good advice on how to ask to go.

Yes, you will have to “man up,” and yes, it does suck. That’s the case for many things that are very important.

Do you have any trusted adults you can talk to? A priest could even offer a referral for you.

By the way, you could even go to confession by emailing a priest to arrange an appointment. Ask for a time after Mass since you’ll already be there and tell your family Fr So-and-so needs to talk with you after Mass. Ask him how to discuss this with your family in the future.

Don’t use the difficulty in getting to confession as an excuse. You can start taking other practical steps now.

 

[ineedofmercy]

It is no one’s business why you want to go to confession, but I do understand the awkward spot you are in now. You can throw out some smokescreens:

1. I am thinking about becoming a priest and it is recommended that one go to confession every week (that should give them something to freak about!)
2. I want to grow spiritually, and i find myself getting very angry when people start prying into my spiritual life and I want to get past that
3. I am having dreams about doing violent things to people who ask me nosy questions and it is bothering me. Or I have dreams about things I only want to talk to the priest.
4. I heard that calling my brother a “fool” is deserving of the fires of hell and I have thought even worse things about my family members
5. It’s hard when you wanna do the right thing but then it will be endless torture after of embarrassment,questioning,awkwardness,looks. It makes me want to give up trying.

etc.

You can use some humor, or make up some outrageous reason to let them know you don’t want to talk about it.

It is not silly, and not babyish at all. Your family members are nosy and it sounds like you have been trained to be shamed and ashamed of certain things. I think it is very important that you don’t give them reasons to ask or to talk about it. If you say they are bad dreams, you can’t be held responsible for it, and you can insist that you don’t want to talk to anyone but a priest.

This judgmental thinking about yourself (saying it is silly and baby) is part of the cognitive distortions that need to be corrected for you to feel better.

I really appreciate the advice
I’m not one to ask to go to confession I used to like my family seeing it as somethingn you have to do not something you get to do
I have changed religiously ever since i knew I was sinning badly its like I woke up

If I change now my parents will know that I must’ve done something bad to make me feel guilty enough to go to confession
My sister recently had to go for a confirmation class I’m thinking of using the excuse of “I feel bad for not going this year and feel like I should’ve and the priest always wants me to go atleast once a year”
Once I go I have an opening to say I want to go more often like once every three months or something like that
Thanks for the help
I only said it was silly because I’m not going to confession because I fear something as simple as embarrassment and keeping myself away from God

I hope when I older I can go myself every week without having to ask because its a two stage problem (1. The embarrassment and awkward questioning of asking to go. 2. Getting them to take me)
Sadly my family is one of those who neglects confession as a simple obligation and my parents I don’t think have gone even once a year
I don’t have a bad family and we are very involved in the church

Whenever a priest tells me I’m a good kid I almost wanna tell him that sometimes I’m not a good kik and underneath I’m sinning a lot even though I don’t want to

I’m glad I’m awake spiritually and I hope I can get back to my life soon

 

[ineedofmercy]

Guanophore has good advice on how to ask to go.

Yes, you will have to “man up,” and yes, it does suck. That’s the case for many things that are very important.

Do you have any trusted adults you can talk to? A priest could even offer a referral for you.

By the way, you could even go to confession by emailing a priest to arrange an appointment. Ask for a time after Mass since you’ll already be there and tell your family Fr So-and-so needs to talk with you after Mass. Ask him how to discuss this with your family in the future.

Don’t use the difficulty in getting to confession as an excuse. You can start taking other practical steps now.

I would love to do something like that but my parents would get angry if I forced to stay after mass and my siblings would follow me or come find me
If I did do it they would ask what happens and I would make up some excuse and dodge the question

I don’t think it would work but it was good idea

I have an idea of my own which you can see in reply above
I just have to see a good time to

Since it might suck and be awkward when she says stuff like “why do you have something you feel you need to confess” in a nosy way because she said that last time I asked to go
Last time I said stuff I just feel like we should go
And she was dodged and trying to figure out if there was another reason behind this
Eventually I went but failed like a week after
That’s what I fear might happen this time too
I work so hard and then I just fail after
I shouldn’t have to be interrogated just to go to church I wish they just wouldn’t get involved unless I asked
I wish they would just let me walk to church and then I could just got before mass

I know this is my cross to bear but I really wish it could be simpler because it can be

 

[guanophore]

I’m glad I’m awake spiritually and I hope I can get back to my life soon

May God continue to bless your journey!

Make an act of confession every day, and pray that your confession may be perfect.

If your family is involved in church, you might be able to “sneak” into confession. If the priest tells you you are a good boy, ask “can you hear my confession right now?” If you are at the parish for any other reason, explain your situation to Father and see if you can have confession when your family is there for other reasons.

Remember, instead of trying to fight against the darkness, do things that turn on the Light in your life, and the Light will banish the darkness.

 

[guanophore]

I wish they would just let me walk to church and then I could just got before mass

I know this is my cross to bear but I really wish it could be simpler because it can be

Is the Church close enough to go on foot? You might have to take up jogging as a hobby! Once they are used to you being gone for an hour to “run” they will not wonder where you went, or what you were doing.

I remember when my brother was 15 he had similar struggles. He joined the cross country team. He was slow, and never went to competitions, but it gave him an excuse to go running for up to two hours a day and it got him out of the house. I never wondered until later what maybe he did during that time.

It might also help distract you from other preoccupations.

 

[ineedofmercy]

Is the Church close enough to go on foot? You might have to take up jogging as a hobby! Once they are used to you being gone for an hour to “run” they will not wonder where you went, or what you were doing.

I remember when my brother was 15 he had similar struggles. He joined the cross country team. He was slow, and never went to competitions, but it gave him an excuse to go running for up to two hours a day and it got him out of the house. I never wondered until later what maybe he did during that time.

It might also help distract you from other preoccupations.

I’m hoping I get those kind of liberties soon I ride my bike and stuff like that maybe one day they will let me

I wish I could pull a priest aside but my siblings are almost always with me and my family would wonder where I was
My family does rush out of events
I also fear that I may not get a full confession if I try this but if I see a good opportunity I will

My other friends don’t even care/know how bad they’re are sinning
My one friend thinks that you can only not have sex with you’re wife but masturbation is ok

I want an opportunity to try to help him but we are usually acting goofy and stuff like but I have laid it down that I don’t like porn or those things to him before

I’m glad I found this place because now people care if I succeed

 

[Polyphony]

If I change now my parents will know that I must’ve done something bad to make me feel guilty enough to go to confession

This is a wonderful opportunity to evangelize them.

Confession is about far more than simply “feeling guilty,” and it’s about far more than mere mortal sins.

Even for people who never commit mortal sins, the spiritual benefits and graces of Confession are manifold. God gives us an increase of sanctifying grace when we approach His mercy in Confession, and frequent Confession can become a bulwark of a healthy spiritual life.

Do your parents bathe once a year? Do they clean the house once a year? Do they clean their vehicles once a year? Then help them to see that, what they do for material things, they should even more so do for their spiritual life.

Make it a mission of yours to evangelize your parents on this point!

This will give your suffering with regard to this sin a purpose, and it will bring you outside of yourself and your focus on how these sins make you feel.

Explain to your parents that you want to be consistently made more and more clean by God, and that you want to dispose yourself to as many graces as possible. Let them know how much Confession means to you, and how it will help you to be a better young man, a better sibling, a better son. Help them to see how important grace is at your age, and how important it will be to help you prepare for your future as a man, and for all of the obligations of life.

Witness to them. Tell them that you meet Jesus in Confession, and you experience His love, and that it’s the most wonderful thing in the world.

 

[ineedofmercy]

This is a wonderful opportunity to evangelize them.

Confession is about far more than simply “feeling guilty,” and it’s about far more than mere mortal sins.

Even for people who never commit mortal sins, the spiritual benefits and graces of Confession are manifold. God gives us an increase of sanctifying grace when we approach His mercy in Confession, and frequent Confession can become a bulwark of a healthy spiritual life.

Do your parents bathe once a year? Do they clean the house once a year? Do they clean their vehicles once a year? Then help them to see that, what they do for material things, they should even more so do for their spiritual life.

Make it a mission of yours to evangelize your parents on this point!

This will give your suffering with regard to this sin a purpose, and it will bring you outside of yourself and your focus on how these sins make you feel.

Explain to your parents that you want to be consistently made more and more clean by God, and that you want to dispose yourself to as many graces as possible. Let them know how much Confession means to you, and how it will help you to be a better young man, a better sibling, a better son. Help them to see how important grace is at your age, and how important it will be to help you prepare for your future as a man, and for all of the obligations of life.

Witness to them. Tell them that you meet Jesus in Confession, and you experience His love, and that it’s the most wonderful thing in the world.

I will try but to them to this will seem out of no where that I start acting like this and they want to know why I care now

I wanna try but they are going to be nosy and annoying I’m trying to slowly change into the right way so they don’t get like that

I wish I didn’t need their permission to go and that I could take of myself and not depend of them

 

[Polyphony]

I will try but to them to this will seem out of no where that I start acting like this and they want to know why I care now

Why not care now?

What better time to start caring than when you’re young and full of life and zeal and promise and hope.

But young men your age go through phases all the time, as I’m sure you’ve noticed about yourself. I assume I don’t know your parents in real life, but I would suspect they would attribute your new found enthusiasm to being a phase just as soon as they would attribute it to anything else.

 

[ineedofmercy]

Why not care now?

What better time to start caring than when you’re young and full of life and zeal and promise and hope.

But young men your age go through phases all the time, as I’m sure you’ve noticed about yourself. I assume I don’t know your parents in real life, but I would suspect they would attribute your new found enthusiasm to being a phase just as soon as they would attribute it to anything else.

Yeah I know it’s just annoying when they act like that
I want to be able to just do it myself rather than deal with them when I ask