Need help understanding free will

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Karolinah

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I am having a hard time…we all do
I am Catholic, but had to be away from the church when my parents divorced and my mother was anti-Catholic and went back to baptist because she did not believe in divorce and the parish priest told her to give my father a divorce…and he won

Anyway, ever since I was little I knew God, and knew I was Catholic. I love God and I pray that He have all His children in heaven…but not me

I am single, made the choice in my thirties when I met a nun for the first time. But with years of educational debt I knew I could never be a nun.

anyway, I try to please God, I fail a lot. If I really cared I know I would not hurt Him. But, none the less I care and try.

But, I do not want to go to heaven.
I am tired.
Obviously I do not want to go to hell…nor does it seem like God would be a God who says choose me or you will have eternal torture.

My explanation will not make sense to most here, but I will try:

Did you ever meet someone who you loved dearly, respected, looked up to…but just would not chose to spend your time with them?

I know God is infinitely loving and merciful. I know all good comes from Him. He has been so good to me…I have no complaints.

I just want to die when my dog dies, and I do not want to wake again.

For the time I have I want to be of help to God…as thought he needs me…but I just do not want to go to heaven.

I priest told me I would then go to hell, so I left the confessional disappointed and sad

If he is right, then I guess I have no choice. God knows my feelings and thoughts. I pray. If he does not want to let me go without torture…I cannot make myself want heaven…it would be a lie…and I do not want to lie…besides God would know

thank you for your help
 
By rejecting God you reject his love. If you truly love him then you will go to heaven.
You don’t really love some one if you don’t at least try to spend time with them
 
If you met someone standing on a corner, and they told you of a nice condo in Key West facing the ocean and wanted you to have it, what would you say. Now mind you, this condo comes also with a great neighborhood full of caring and friendly people who want to enjoy your company and do great things with you all the time. The food is free and laid out on the grand banquet table for you to enjoy all the time. You are having the best time all the time and each new day brings something new for you to experience. And when you go to bed at night, you can barely wait until the next morning when you will be surprised with some new adventure to enjoy with all your wonderful friends.

This person at the corner who just described this to you, would you accept his offer?

If you would, then Jesus’ offer is even a better one, so why not accept his?

May God bless and keep you. May God’s face shine on you. May God be kind to you and give you peace.
 
I don’t think your reported comment from the priest is in context. A priest would not say you will go to hell. We do know that we will go to hell if we disobey the commandments of God and never repent. If you don’t intend to repent sins and amend life, and forgive others, the priest could be afraid that you are making choices that could lead you to that sad end.

You, I, we, have the choice whether or not to love God and to love others as Jesus commands in summary of the 10 commandments.

Jesus Himself explains that how we use our free will regarding our choices in life determins our salvation.

Jesus knows the truth as He is God and He is Judge of souls, or rather, He expresses the judgement they have laid on themselves:

Matthew 25:31-46

31“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, then he will sit on the throne of his glory. 32All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats, 33and he will put the sheep at his right hand and the goats at the left.

34Then the king will say to those at his right hand, ‘Come, you that are blessed by my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world; 35for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, 36I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me.’ 37Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? 38And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? 39And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?’ 40And the king will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.’

41Then he will say to those at his left hand, ‘You that are accursed, depart from me into the eternal fire prepared for the devil and his angels; 42for I was hungry and you gave me no food, I was thirsty and you gave me nothing to drink, 43I was a stranger and you did not welcome me, naked and you did not give me clothing, sick and in prison and you did not visit me.’ 44Then they also will answer, ‘Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not take care of you?’ 45Then he will answer them, ‘Truly I tell you, just as you did not do it to one of the least of these, you did not do it to me.’ 46And these will go away into eternal punishment, but the righteous into eternal life.”
 
Karolinah it seems that you are very sad and perhaps even depressed.
Perhaps you spoke to the priest with much negativity as you have in this post, because you are very sad and self-defeating in how you are thinking, dear one.
If you are so sad that you do not even desire happiness, you need help and support.'Yes, not everyone who attracts us, is good for us, but please God you can somehow move on to find someone you can love and be loved by.

Loving God please lead Karolinah towards healing and hope.
Please surround her and fill her with love of you and with kindness towards others and herself.
God bless you, and I hope to see you in heaven.

God bless you,
Trishie
 
thank you for kind remarks…(the part about the priest…he did say I would go to hell, that if I did
not want heaven I would go to hell)

That’s not important. I am sure he meant well.

I do repent of my sins and faults, and always will.

I just do not want to go to heaven…not even key west with food and friendly people.

I know I cannot change God, but it makes me sad that in order to avoid infinite torture of hell I must go to heaven.

It is like saying if you do not come to my party…where I know you will have a good time, than your choice will be hell.

I want to help people, add to this earthly world…then I want to die when God wills it…but I do not want to go on beyond that.

I feel like I am offering myself to God a lot, why would he still damn me (or call it have me damn me, however the latins say).

I just look forward to no more.

Thank you for your responses. God knows my feelings and thoughts and if he wants to chat with me he will…but I will not ask him for anything he wills not.

karolinah
 
The sadness you feel is not from God. In fact, He never gave us the spirit of fear & doubt (it’s stated in the Bible in multiple ways), so your inquires about God not wanting to take time with you in prayer & where your worrying soul will be after death, are not FROM God… it’s the evil one that seems to be eating the inside of you that God loves so dearly. He knows us more than we know ourselves, to the point of giving us free will, because He trusts our inner souls to eventually be drawn to Christ’s example of sacrificial faith, hope, & love amid living this in a chaotic world, that He too experienced. Just because we have “free will” doesn’t mean we can live carelessly for ourselves to even consider not wanting to go to Heaven but looking for other options (that is not from God; He yearns to for us to find, seek, & truly learn to love Him deeply as He truly does to us… trust & you’ll know what I mean)… the gift of life was meant for giving Him glory & praise. So since we are made in the image & likeness of God, why not desire to do the will of God as a way to give back in ways of service & love what He continues to do in our lives. It’s interesting to recently discover that our ultimate goal is to take up our crosses & follow Him… that no matter what we’re dreading & feeling sorry for ourselves about, learn to overcome those obstacles that keep us from experiencing what great love & joy He continues to plan for our lives more than we realize.

God planned you to live with a purpose & some type of calling that someday He will reveal to you at the right time. If you want to better yourself, better your life, I suggest treating yourself with love & kindness that God gave you… anything positive & good is from above. So why wouldn’t you want to go to Heaven?.

Research suggestions if you haven’t already: Heaven is for Real (movie & bk), Akiane Kramarik paintings, catholic books by- Edward Sri; Matthew Kelly; Jason Evert; Pope Francis; writings of Saints; Catholicism; Blessed Mother; etc. Bible verses (my fav: 1 Colossians 12:1-17). I had to dive deeper into the catholic faith to discover the love, support, & care that God provides for us all, when we let Him take control of our lives… for we cannot do it alone. I am praying for you. Its been said that dedicated prayer has the power to fight against all evil… nothing can overpass Him… even the tinniest details are known to Him. That’s what exemplifies beauty in all His wonders as unique.~
 
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