Need help understanding this!

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FCS

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I have searched a lot trying to find out what lust is, but haven’t found anything that really explains it.
What does the catechism mean by sexual desire?
Is sexual desire the same as attraction?
I have heard some people say that dwelling on sexual attraction is a sin. If this is true, then how would anyone ever find a spouse?

Also, is purposely looking at a person because you find them attractive lust?

I’m a little frustrated over this.
Thanks
 
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I’m sure everyone has a slightly different take on this. This question periodically surfaces on this forum.

The catechism says: 2351 “Lust is disordered desire for or inordinate enjoyment of sexual pleasure. Sexual pleasure is morally disordered when sought for itself, isolated from its procreative and unitive purposes.”

Let’s ignore “disordered desire.” What is “inordinate enjoyment”? I think that’s pretty much open to personal interpretation. It seems to me that in the words of a Supreme Court judge on “obscenity,” “You’ll know it when you see it.”

I wouldn’t spend much time worrying about it (scrupulosity…) unless you find yourself spending long stretches of time fantasizing rather than watching “The Bachelor” or re-runs of “Bay Watch.”
 
Lust is inordinate sexual desire. It is natural for a man and a woman to be sexually attracted to each other and there is no sin here but the sexual act itself or intercourse can only be lawfully done within marriage. Sexual acts done outside of marriage are sinful and all such acts which may be in thought, word, or deed, are species of lust and inordinate, for example, adultery, fornication, masturbation, looking at pornography or deliberating dwelling on sexual thoughts to arouse oneself.
 
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As always I speak under correction from those who know more than I.

Attraction: “Hey, she’s cute.” Or. “That girl’s really pretty.”
Desire: “I’d like to have sex with her.” (With the assumption that it’s only permissible if you marry her first.)
Lust: “I’d commit fornication with her if I could.”

Attraction and desire are both normal. It’s not a sin to think a woman is pretty.
It’s not a sin to feel desire as long as you acknowledge that you can’t have sex with the woman unless you’re married.
Dwelling on your desire to do so is sinful though, because it exposes you to the temptation to act on that desire.

The difference between attraction / desire and lust is that lust means you’d sin if you had the chance.
 
FCS said:
I have heard some people say that dwelling on sexual attraction is a sin. If this is true, then how would anyone ever find a spouse?
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One can easily find a spouse without dwelling on sexual attraction. First you have to like someone, get along well, enjoy being together, finally deciding you would want to spend your life together. None of that requires a constant dwelling on sexual attraction.
 
But why would you marry someone unless you were sexually attracted to them? So wouldn’t wanting to date/marry someone mean dwelling on sexual attraction? Sorry, I’m just a bit confused about this.
 
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I would venture to say that most Christian couples who are engaged to be married are indeed “sexually attracted to each other”. That doesn’t justify lust though. They learn these things during marriage preperation if they are serious about their Christian faith. Don’t obsess about this! There are many other things to think on.
 
Actually I think that dwelling on sexual attraction is a fairly recent and modern phenomenon. After all, in the past many marriages were arranged. That didn’t mean the marriages were not happy. They usually were. Parents selecting a potential spouse for a son or daughter took attractiveness into account as one among many things.

And some times it is personality and conversation that initially attracts one’s attention to someone. When you are thinking of marrying someone for life, you have to consider how will will relate to each other at age 65 as well as at age 20. So while initial sexual attraction is certainly something to consider, it is not the only thing.

(In the case of King Henry VIII, it was sexual attraction to other women that caused several of his wives to lose their heads, literally.)
 
FCS said:
But why would you marry someone unless you were sexually attracted to them? So wouldn’t wanting to date/marry someone mean dwelling on sexual attraction? Sorry, I’m just a bit confused about this.
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If the only reason you want to spend time with that person involves sex, then that is not the person you should consider marrying.
 
Not all lust is sexual. The Children of Israel lusted after leaks that they could eat in Egypt, if I remember correctly. Lust is the desire to sin against God, the feeling that you would sin if you could get away with it.
 
Justin_Mary said:
If the only reason you want to spend time with that person involves sex, then that is not the person you should consider marrying.
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True. I meant that in order for a relationship to be romantic, there should probably be sexual attraction between the two people, otherwise they would just be friends
 
FCS said:
True. I meant that in order for a relationship to be romantic, there should probably be sexual attraction between the two people, otherwise they would just be friends
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I think you’re putting too much emphasis on the sexual aspect of romance. A more perfect understanding would be a relationship started in friendship, with genuine concern for the wellbeing of one another. The sexual aspect then follows.

Have you ever seen “The Princess Bride” or read the book? Wesley loves buttercup, no reason is given, it’s just a fact. Buttercup comes to love Wesley as she realizes the sincerity of Wesley for her every concern.

There’s no sex in the movie, but it’s a classic romance. It’s “just a movie” but a lot of truth.

In the movie the antagonist, Humperdink, wants for Buttercup the same things Wesley want for her. Both want to protect, provide, & care for her. But their motivation come from very different places.

That’s romance. That’s truth.
 
In a lot of the world today, and in centuries past, attraction was a thing that grew after marriage.

Some people marry their friends, some for companionship, romantic marriage is a fairly new innovation.
 
Okay. I dont really know much about what it is like to be in a relationship
 
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