Need help with a possible vocation

[Jennifer_Lynn]

Hi everyone! I’ve been thinking about posting something here for awhile and I finally decided that I would in hope that I get some suggestions on what I should do.
I lost my way in my faith for many years and while I was in college I started to come back to it. I came back much stronger then I was before. I also feel like my foot was put on the accelerator especially when my brother died from a tragic motorcycle accident. I’ve gotten really close to talking with the pastor of my church who dealt with my family and my brother’s funeral. At first, we would talk about my loss but then our conversations got more into talking about how to pretty much repair my relationship with God after such a loss.
For the past year or so I’ve grown so much but unfortunately I don’t have much support from my family. We haven’t been very religious to begin with but now I’m on a completely different level then they are. I have to constantly put up with comments they say such as oh did Father turn you into a nun yet? Because I talk to him so much. Or things like "Oh just read the bible or pray the rosary before bed, that’ll put you to sleep. I’ve finally gotten strong enough to stand up to them and say things like “Yea, I read the Bible every night and it doesn’t put me anywhere close to feeling tired. . .if anything it keeps me up because I want to keep reading.”
Through my journey of growing in my faith I’ve thought of possibly going into a religious vocation but always put it out of my mind. The thoughts just only got louder. I’ve talked to the pastor that I’ve always talked to and he questioned why I shut the idea out. He also asked why I think I want to explore a vocation. I explained for a good few minutes of how it’s the best job out there. Explaining how I find so much peace when I’m at mass, in prayer and reading the Bible. . .then explained how that could possibly be my life along with helping people. I said how being at the Church is my safe place and how I’m always hanging around there to begin with either for my own personal reasons or helping out with something.
When he asked why I’m evening questioning my vocation or trying to put it out of my mind I really didn’t have many reasons except for saying that I don’t think I could do it. Everything screams out at me of what a wonderful life it is, but I can’t help help but always think that I can’t live the lifestyle.
I keep having dreams of living that lifestyle. . .I don’t know if it’s a sign for me to atleast explore it or me just thinking about it so much. I don’t want to offend God for ignoring him if he possibly is calling me to do this. . .but I guess I’m scared to consider it.
Surprisingly, my friends who didn’t even know of my thoughts about this have even talked to me of possibly exploring it because they said from knowing me for so long they never experienced me being so happy and at peace with something in my life. They said that when I talk about my church, projects I’m helping out with or conversations I had with the Pastor, I’m a different person that they never experienced before and that I seem so happy.
Sorry this was so long, guess I had more thoughts running through my head then I thought and needed to vent to someone. If you have any suggestions on what I should do from here I would love to hear them! Thanks

*Jenn

 

[Trishie]

Jenn, I can’t give you insights on this or on what course for you to follow and in any case I think that you will find the answers yourself with the aid of the Holy Spirit and your pastor. I do know that whatever path we take there are challenges in our faith and development and in our apostolates as we pursue Christ’s call, “follow Me” in lay or Religious life.
But I can pray for you, and will do.
May God’s will be done in your life.

 

[Trishie]

Jenn, I didn’t respond with the enthusiasm that you deserve for your joy and willingness to grow closer to God and to serve and love Him and others in your life. I do thank God for the gift of you, and the gift of your return to the Church and to God to who you wish to give all you have and are. It’s wonderful!

Least servant

God, I give You all I have and am, with my desires, attributes, inadequacies and sinful tendencies. To Your acceptance and disposal, I relinquish my spiritual ambitions, my lifelong prayer and service, and any ‘merit’.

Only pride or ignorance elevates any ‘virtues’ above my faults, because human nature is poor relative to Your infinite holiness and creativity. Let Your goodness be touchstone and essence of my response to all created things and persons—so that nothing can withdraw me from freedom of obedience to Your loving will.

To You I yield all my relationships, even those most dear. Let Your Spirit communicate and interact with them so that I no longer act selfishly and detrimentally to my own and others’ welfare, nor love anyone in preference to You.

I surrender to You all my thoughts, words and acts, so that You guide and complete all my responses and initiatives. Let Your Spirit flow creatively through my nature and action, so that nothing in me can confound Your loving purpose, nor will anything be inappropriate or harmful to any person.

God, I know that You pardon my sins. I know that out of my offences and omissions, You create wondrous fruit. You give boundless recompense to anyone who suffers through my fault. You give limitless blessing to anyone who offers me even the smallest kindness, from earliest infancy until God unites me in beatific vision with the communion of saints.

I am Your child who has irretrievably surrendered all being, all gifts, all relationship, all virtuous effort, and all failure to Your merciful love. I claim You to be my whole existence, my breath, my blood, my very substance and all my thoughts and ways.

Your action may be hidden to me in my inglorious daily struggle, my erratic judgement and frequently fruitless endeavour. It may be concealed under my sense of unworthiness and occasional desolation. Yet may You continually blaze Your pure love and truth within me, to Your glory and delight, and to highest service of other souls.

 

[Jennifer_Lynn]

Trishie,
Thank you so much for your words of encouragement! It meant a lot to me that you responded to my post and helped me think about things that I didn’t consider.

*Jenn

 

[3Sanctus]

Jenn, keep in mind that part of walking the walk is being persecuted for His sake, and we are blessed to be so persecuted! Throughout the ages the Lord’s servants have always been talked down to, mocked, and treated like a sort of curiosity by those who can’t relate. Perhaps this is Christ’s way of keeping us humble and reminding us, “Hey, Jenn (or Stephen- me)! This is ME at work in your life. It’s not about you, it’s about ME!” Realizing more fully just how much it’s about Him has brought me unestimable joy and confidence in my vocation, and I pray Christ will likewise pull you to His Sacred Heart in love!

As for the dreams, that could very well be God speaking to you through your subconscious, but try to soberly distinguish between your desires and the Lord’s desires. Since our dreams are subconscious thoughts they could be planted there by the Lord or they could be our thoughts of “Hey, this is cool!” I don’t mean to call your vocation into question, but I myself have difficulty at times listening to His call to me, as opposed to my personal daydreams about what I think He’s calling me to do.

I also hope you’ll feel welcome to join us in the young adult vocation discernment thread or - if you’re still a teenager - that you’ll jump into the teen vocation discernment thread. Seek Christ in all things, and make His Will your own!

Alleluia!
Stephen