Need help with embarrassment at school when not receiving Holy Communion

  • Thread starter Thread starter Eric67
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
E

Eric67

Guest
Hi. I really need help deciding what to do. I cannot receive Holy Communion due to a grave sin, and it is nearly impossible for me to get to Reconciliation on Saturdays. The first time I thought I committed a mortal sin, I didn’t go up to receive at school mass and soon after I was the subject of many conversations about why I didn’t go to Communion. I was also directly asked these questions, and sometimes they have to ask them in front of teachers, which makes things really awkward. After that day, I hid in the bathroom at the next mass during Communion so nobody noticed, but now, I think that is disrespectful to miss a part of mass, by hiding in the bathroom just so I don’t get talked about. We now receive from the priest, so I went up for a blessing many times to avoid people talking about me, but tomorrow we sing in the choir and a layperson distributes Communion. There is another bathroom, and it is within the quiet room. I was thinking that I could just pretend to go to the bathroom towards the end of mass in the quiet room and hide in the quiet room instead until Holy Communion is over. It has a window and a speaker, so I can still see the mass and I can hear the priest and I can kneel on the floor, so basically I am experiencing part of the mass in another room. Can I do this? Is this disrespectful as well? Should I stay seated in my chair when it comes time for Holy Communion, and just answer the question of why I didn’t go to receive the Holy Eucharist with “I forgot about the fast and accidentally swallowed a breath mint during the Homily?” I really want to please God and I don’t want to commit a sin of sacrilege, but I also don’t want to be talked about behind my back. Also, if I shouldn’t hide in the quiet room, can you tell me anything that I should do? I am really anxious about this. Please pray for me that I will make the right decision and that I can get to Reconciliation soon.

Another question: Can priests and deacons give blessings or not? I’ve read that they cannot change the liturgy at all to include or remove anything, even the priests, but they still give blessings to people who have their arms crossed against their chest.

Please pray for me that I will make the right decision and that I can get to Reconciliation soon.
 
Just don’t go to Communion and tell anyone who asks “Why?” that it’s none of their business. Or eat a cookie and tell them you weren’t fasting long enough. It boggles the mind that people are that nosy!
 
Speak with the priest. He may permit that you receive a blessing instead. This is technically not part of things, as far as I am aware, but it’s also pretty common and I doubt he’d mind.

Anyways, obviously this isn’t easy. Trust me. I was on a monastic vocational retreat and I deemed myself in mortal sin. That’s humiliating, when you think “all of these people are looking at me and knowing that I’m just not cut out for this-- I’m in mortal sin for crying out loud!”

I chose to gamble and see if I would be blessed, and was. But that was before I knew that getting blessed isn’t really a thing.

Whatever you do, do what is right-- that means, not receiving if you are in mortal sin, and not lying. If people ask why, it’s none of their business. I understand it’s upsetting, but you’ll gain more merit by doing the right thing under these awful circumstances than you’d get in ten days of happy circumstances.
 
Nobody should notice or ask why someone else is not taking Communion. It is none of their business and such a question should not be dignified by an answer. You don’t need to hide.

The practice of blessings in the Communion line is somewhat controversial as it is not in the Mass rubrics. If it is done, however, I see no harm in accepting the blessing. If someone offers you the host anyway, just shake your head no.
 
Phemie said:
Just don’t go to Communion and tell anyone who asks “Why?” that it’s none of their business. Or eat a cookie and tell them you weren’t fasting long enough. It boggles the mind that people are that nosy!
Click to expand...
Exacly what I was going to say…“It’s none of your business.”

Are they saints, that they don’t have to go to confession :confused:
 
It might be good if you could talk to the priest (write him a letter if necessary) and ask that he insert a little something in the bulletin like this:

Catholics are reminded that in order to receive communion properly, they must be in a state of grace, that is, free from mortal sin. If one is not in a state of grace, receiving communion in such a state is committing further mortal sin. They must also have observed the one hour fast before communion.

Reconciliation is very important, not just ‘once a year’ for your Easter Duty, but throughout the year.

Sometimes people are confused and think that they cannot commit mortal sin unless it is something really terrible, like murder; or that they have to really, truly, know 100% that it is mortally sinful (and since most of us think that we don’t know ANYTHING 100%, then obviously we can’t really be that sure about a sin, therefore we can’t commit mortal sin); or that we have to be so absolutely positive and firm that we are totally 100% disrespecting GOD, and not just ‘carried away with passion’, I mean, if we aren’t thinking like the greatest thinkers in the world, we obviously can’t be 100% ‘willing’; we have 'lessened culpability, so it’s not mortal sin. . . These are all attempts to kind of ‘blind us’ to the idea that wonderful WE can sin. And we do.

There are several good examples of ‘examination of conscience’ out there. Here are some links (Father Z has some great ones). Your teachers will help you out if you have questions about the items (and if THEY have questions, they’re welcome to see ME). Pope Francis has spoken several times about the value of reconciliation for all of us.

One final thought for you --sometimes it seems that we all ‘expect’ that we’re so ‘nice’ and ‘good’ that we just go to communion every Sunday out of ‘habit’. But there are reasons not to receive. One of course is not being in a state of grace, but there are other reasons, such as not having observed the hour fast. Don’t just assume that if you don’t see one of your friends going up for communion that he or she has done something ‘wrong’. And for heaven’s sake, don’t ASK people 'why didn’t you go up for communion?" It’s none of your business. It may not be a mortal sin, but it’s a social solecism (look it up). Concentrate on the state of your own soul, and pray for all. Remember, 'who are you to judge"?
 
Eric,
I applaud you for doing the right thing, and sympathize that your schoolmates aren’t.
 
I know they will ask again and again. I know a person that kept asking me why I was in confession so long and when I said “because” he kept asking and then insulted me when I didn’t tell him why. Most of them barely know what mortal sin even is. I learned by asking my mother.
 
It is kind of annoying that they have to know everything about my personal life.
 
Eric67 said:
It is kind of annoying that they have to know everything about my personal life.
Click to expand...
The point is, Eric, they Don’t have to know…Forget them! If they keep asking, they are not true friends.

Tell them it’s between you & God & the priest who is sworn to keep people’s confessions secret! 👍
 
Where your religion teacher? Where is anyone at a Catholic school that should be on top of this? Tell them you will report them for bullying. This is ridiculous.
Alternately, why don’t you just talk to the priest after school and ask him to hear your confession? You don’t have to go to the scheduled times. Just ask for a meeting.
 
Eric67 said:
I know they will ask again and again. I know a person that kept asking me why I was in confession so long and when I said “because” he kept asking and then insulted me when I didn’t tell him why. Most of them barely know what mortal sin even is. I learned by asking my mother.
Click to expand...
Makes me wonder if these people who are so uncharitable are disposed correctly themselves for communion.

I once responded to a person who asked, “I’m one of those who doesn’t receive without going to confession.” She didn’t ask again.
 
You know, I had a really horrible time in parochial school. But at least bullies back then respected one’s right to the privacy of deciding whether to receive or not. Those people are seriously nosy.

Btw, if someone is being nosy, they don’t have a moral right to a straight answer. Make up something snarky, or just tell them to butt out.

And yes, I think it’s time to tell a teacher or the priest, because if people are being that nosy they need to get a little refresher course on not being nosy. It’s a sin to ask questions that personal without a good reason, because it does potentially violate the privacy of one’s soul. The whole reason we have the Seal of the Confessional is to protect people’s privacy; the importance of one’s rights in such matters are paramount.
 
Praying for your intentions. You are doing whats right - sometimes the right things are the hardest to do.
 
Call your priest and let him know you need to make an appointment for Reconcilliation as soon as possible. They will make special appointments…you don’t have to do it on the days scheduled but make a special appointment…happens all the time. As for what others think…let them know it’s none of their business WHY you chose not to go up for Communion. Also, at least in our parish, our priest will give you a blessing when you go up but cross yourself at communion time. (although I’ve heart they aren’t suppose to…?)
mlz
 
mlz said:
Call your priest and let him know you need to make an appointment for Reconcilliation as soon as possible.
Click to expand...
Some do prefer the anonymity of confession so they wait until the assigned time. Just sayin…
 
He agrees with another priest about how it may give the wrong idea to younger children, but it doesn’t talk about excommunicates or non-Catholics

Would it be a sin to lie if they ask me questions about why I didn’t receive? I’ll bet they will be persistent and will not settle without an answer.
 
Eric67 said:
He agrees with another priest about how it may give the wrong idea to younger children, but it doesn’t talk about excommunicates or non-Catholics

Would it be a sin to lie if they ask me questions about why I didn’t receive? I’ll bet they will be persistent and will not settle without an answer.
Click to expand...
Many people said it’s none of their business…so leave it at that. You could just say you didn’t get to confession & a good Catholic doesn’t receive without first going to confession.
If they ask why you had to confess tell them… it’s between you & God & the priest who is sworn to keep people’s confessions secret!
Now go in Peace!
 
Eric67 said:
I know they will ask again and again. I know a person that kept asking me why I was in confession so long and when I said “because” he kept asking and then insulted me when I didn’t tell him why. Most of them barely know what mortal sin even is. I learned by asking my mother.
Click to expand...
No one should ask anyone why they didn’t go to Communion, or why they were in confession so long. It is not their business.

If someone asked me either of those questions I would look at them as if I was astounded, and say “I can’t believe you would even think of asking such a question! It is absolutely none of your business.”
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top