Need help with family dilemma, please!

  • Thread starter Thread starter catholicmommy70
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
C

catholicmommy70

Guest
Hello,

We have a sticky situation developing with my sister-in-law (my husband’s sister), which I am hoping for some guidance. After a number of years of marriage, she is in the process of getting a divorce from her husband. She did get married in the Catholic Church. She does not live in our state anymore and I do not have a close relationship with her. From our understanding, she is not a practicing Catholic and her soon-to-be ex-husband does not practice any faith. As she was so intent in proceeding with the divorce, my husband and I had both told her that pursuing an annulment would also be necessary.

What makes this sticky, is that she is now dating another man and has become pregnant with his child. She is also upset with everyone that they are not happy for her finally becoming pregnant after many years of trying to convince her husband to start a family together.

My husband and I are very pro-life and try to follow our Catholic faith. We have encouraged her to try to work things out in her marriage, but it didn’t go anywhere.

How do I handle the situation when she confronts me regarding her pregnancy with this other man in her current situation? Her divorce is not yet finalized, nor has an annulment been started. 🤷

Any guidance would be very, very appreciated! We want to do things with charity and love, but this one really is a douzy!
 
I suppose if you have already encouraged her to remain married and it hasn’t helped, that you must now allow her to do what she is intent on doing. No amount of pressure or reminding her of what the Catholic faith believes is going to help at this point.

I am sure that she also knows how awkward this is concerning the baby. But you should still find ways to support her. The life she carries is innocent and should be welcomed nonetheless.

However, your SIL may learn to trust you and learn from you by example as time goes by. If her divorce is not even final, it is too early to be talking about annulments I think. She may come around. Invite her to join you for mass in a non-pressuring or judgmental way. She may want to return to the Church once that baby is born. You have no way of knowing what God’s will for her is. We know he works in mysterious ways. 😉
 
I understand how disturbing the idea of SIL divorcing is. And obviously becoming pregnant by a man to whom she is not married is not a great thing.

However at this point in time it is all about the baby and I think you need to focus on the baby. …not on how happy SIL is about the baby… But on what’s good for the baby.

You don’t know how the relationship with the new man will play out so that could end up being a non-issue if they break up. (Obviously they will have the baby in common.)

If your SIL does get divorced I would continue to encourage her to look into having her marriage ruled null. But if she is not a practicing Catholic I don’t know that you’ll get very far with that. You might point out that if her husband refused to have children she may have a good reason to think her marriage has always been invalid in the eyes of the Church.

But that is down the road. Right now make things about the baby’s welfare.
 
catholicmommy70 said:
Any guidance would be very, very appreciated! We want to do things with charity and love, but this one really is a douzy!
Click to expand...
It certainly is! Being so far away, you probably won’t be able to attend the shower. I think sending a nice card with the a baby gift is quite acceptable, though.
 
My situation was quite similar to yours.

My wife & I got married at the courthouse when we found out she was pregnant. The anullment (from Ms. Plaintiff) was not final at that time. My wife was not catholic, nor practicing any religion.

I knew I was in sin.

I knew I could not recieve communion.

It brought me back to the faith, that pain of separation from the Lord.

We got married (again) in the church, by the workings of the Holy Spirit, my wife converted :byzsoc:.

As others have said…The Lord indeed works in mysterious ways. Give her some time to sort it all out and be happy for the baby at least. Divorce is extremely difficult.
 
catholicmommy70 said:
Hello,

How do I handle the situation when she confronts me regarding her pregnancy with this other man in her current situation? Her divorce is not yet finalized, nor has an annulment been started. 🤷

Any guidance would be very, very appreciated! We want to do things with charity and love, but this one really is a douzy!
Click to expand...
This is a tough one, and I have just very recently re-discovered my faith as a Catholic so my feedback is based more on my life experience than on Catholic teachings.

If you are to love your neighbor as yourself, maybe recognizing that she is in a very difficult situation (abeit one she choose herself), nevertheless a tough situation.

What is your ‘goal’ with her, if you have one at this point?

Since I don’t know the answer to that I would suggest being an empathic listener to her, a shoulder to lean on in time of need. What would Jesus do? I have no idea myself but find that it’s helpful personally when I ask myself that question about situations.

You can listen and show support through being a good friend by listening to her as she struggles to figure out her life. I personally find that if I come across as judgemental towards other people, they tend to receive it negatively and are impacted negatively and have a negative experience as a result.

Is she open to speaking to a priest? Is she open to speaking to a therapist? What are her goals? Do the match up with your goals for yourself as they relate to her at all (I’m assuming you don’t want to control her life, which may not be true).

You can pray for her.

That’s all I’ve got.

God Bless,
Bill
 
SMHW said:
However at this point in time it is all about the baby and I think you need to focus on the baby. …not on how happy SIL is about the baby… But on what’s good for the baby.
Click to expand...
I like this a lot and fully agree. I amend my previous response to be this response lol

God Bless,
Bill
 
You need to remember that this is not your fault or responsibility. Many feel that the misbehavior of family members reflects on them but this is really not the case.

We Christians are saddened to see so many children born outside marriage but this is unfortunately the case with half of the children in America today.
 
I can’t possibly imagine how anyone would think it would work by her going back to her husband who obviously never wanted children and certainly wouldn’t be enthusiastic about raising another man’s child.

Because he never wanted children, was there a marriage?

Hopefully, she’ll marry the child’s father.
 
Thank you to all who have responded with your guidance. Most important take home points for me are 1) we have to focus on this beautiful new life who will be coming into the world; 2) we shouldn’t judge her for her actions; 3) be a listening ear for her if she needs one; 4) trust that the Holy Spirit will touch her heart; 5) pray for her.

Thank you again – you have all helped me tremendously!

God bless you!
 
catholicmommy70 said:
Thank you to all who have responded with your guidance. Most important take home points for me are 1) we have to focus on this beautiful new life who will be coming into the world; 2) we shouldn’t judge her for her actions; 3) be a listening ear for her if she needs one; 4) trust that the Holy Spirit will touch her heart; 5) pray for her.

Thank you again – you have all helped me tremendously!

God bless you!
Click to expand...
😉

Just to be clear… You *can *judge her actions. It’s a fine line but there is a difference between judging actions and judging a person. She’s done something rather stupid. Now leaving the husband may or may not have been a bad thing but getting involved with someone else and getting pregnant was not such a wonderful thing. But you can’t truly know where she stands with God.

The reason you focus on the baby is because the past can’t be changed. The baby is already here. (You just haven’t been introduced yet.)
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top