Need help with forgiveness/humility

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I have a sister who think she was made more special by God. She has literally told me that I wasn’t as special as her in Gods eyes. I later confronted her. Problem is she is a habitual liar and I think that sometimes she believes the lies she tells. She denied actually thinking that and it was only in to response to my criticisms of her. Basically she has told me that she suffers my criticisms and remains compassionate towards me because she understands how messed up I am in the head. She believes she suffers heavier crosses than most other people because God loves her more. The physical part is that she experiences nausea twice a month. Never had to go to the hospital. Has literally lied to me all through my life, including pretending not to hear me when I talk to her. When I ask her why she can hear our parents just fine when they talk to her she just replied that she doesnt know why its just that she doesn’t really notice when I talk. She also stole money from me once and admitted she took about 50 dollars. Brought it up a year later cause I held grudges against her. She says she doesnt remember, saying thats not something she would do. She also says that I must have problems for holding a grudge for so long. I know shes right when she says I shouldn’t hold grudges, but it’s hard not to hold grudges when your sister tells you God favors her more and lies constantly. She also likes to remind me what a good person she is to further illustrate how messed up I am for accusing her of lying and arrogance.

Cant stand the fact that she lies all the time and the fact that she thinks she is one who has to suffer me being a bad brother(I admit I can be impatient, not to the point of tantrums though haha) because she was given special graces most other people dont have. And funny thing is she reminds me that she has to bear my criticism as a cross even though she treats me so well, in addition to her great physical suffering(nausea). And she believes she has these crosses because God loves her more than most others. I cant stand her. We are both in our 20’s. What should i do
 
Hi101 said:
What should i do
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Truthfully, roll your eyes, say, “Ok sister. I love you.” and go on about your business.

You know she is not more special in God’s eyes. You know that she tells lies. You know that she exaggerates her situation. You already pray for her. Continue to do that, and simply stop letting the rest get to you. It’s a decision, really. An event. It’s something you just do. It’s kind of sad to consider she needs to assure herself that she is more special than you. It shows that she is really hurting inside. Maybe try to focus on that instead.
 
Hi101 said:
I have a sister who think she was made more special by God. She has literally told me that I wasn’t as special as her in Gods eyes. I later confronted her. Problem is she is a habitual liar and I think that sometimes she believes the lies she tells. She denied actually thinking that and it was only in to response to my criticisms of her. Basically she has told me that she suffers my criticisms and remains compassionate towards me because she understands how messed up I am in the head. She believes she suffers heavier crosses than most other people because God loves her more. The physical part is that she experiences nausea twice a month. Never had to go to the hospital. Has literally lied to me all through my life, including pretending not to hear me when I talk to her. When I ask her why she can hear our parents just fine when they talk to her she just replied that she doesnt know why its just that she doesn’t really notice when I talk. She also stole money from me once and admitted she took about 50 dollars. Brought it up a year later cause I held grudges against her. She says she doesnt remember, saying thats not something she would do. She also says that I must have problems for holding a grudge for so long. I know shes right when she says I shouldn’t hold grudges, but it’s hard not to hold grudges when your sister tells you God favors her more and lies constantly. She also likes to remind me what a good person she is to further illustrate how messed up I am for accusing her of lying and arrogance.

Cant stand the fact that she lies all the time and the fact that she thinks she is one who has to suffer me being a bad brother(I admit I can be impatient, not to the point of tantrums though haha) because she was given special graces most other people dont have. And funny thing is she reminds me that she has to bear my criticism as a cross even though she treats me so well, in addition to her great physical suffering(nausea). And she believes she has these crosses because God loves her more than most others. I cant stand her. We are both in our 20’s. What should i do
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Praying for your intentions.
 
Ophelia23 said:
Truthfully, roll your eyes, say, “Ok sister. I love you.” and go on about your business.

You know she is not more special in God’s eyes. You know that she tells lies. You know that she exaggerates her situation. You already pray for her. Continue to do that, and simply stop letting the rest get to you. It’s a decision, really. An event. It’s something you just do. It’s kind of sad to consider she needs to assure herself that she is more special than you. It shows that she is really hurting inside. Maybe try to focus on that instead.
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Agree with you totally. Sometimes it’s hard to do and we all need a reminder of how to deal with difficult people. Thanks.🙂
 
I think this happened to many siblings. It’s the same with me & my brother. He’s 2 years older than me. Perhaps this has to do with siblings rivalry. Remember Cain & Abel, Jacob & Esau, Isaac & his siblings. It’s the will of flesh that’s on battle. We fight over little things. Sooo annoying, but I have to admit he’s right though most of the time. I was being a jerk :confused:
Best to do is stay away from her and pray for your own peace of mind & for her peace of mind.

I think her emotion or wrong impulses got the best of her. I have this envy that sometimes turned into hatred towards him so many times. It’s hard to conquer and overcome this. Because even in a very peaceful situation, the bouts of envy sometimes show it’s ugliness & I hate myself so much afterwards.

I found this passage to be so enlightening when the darkness get’s the best of me. I need prayer too because so many times I did not do my best to subdue it…

Genesis 4:6-7 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry, and why is your expression downcast? Is it not true that if you do what is right, you will be fine? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at the door. It desires to dominate you, but you must subdue it.”
 
"Truthfully, roll your eyes, say, “Ok sister. I love you.” and go on about your business.

You know she is not more special in God’s eyes. You know that she tells lies. You know that she exaggerates her situation. You already pray for her. Continue to do that, and simply stop letting the rest get to you. It’s a decision, really. An event. It’s something you just do. It’s kind of sad to consider she needs to assure herself that she is more special than you. It shows that she is really hurting inside. Maybe try to focus on that instead. "

Everyone, thanks for your advice. I think its good advice that its a decision to not make a big deal out of what she does. I definitely am guilting of making too big a deal out of it. Its hard not getting mad at someone who likes to brag about how humble they are and what a holy victim they are because of it. Thanks again
 
Hi101 said:
Its hard not getting mad at someone who likes to brag about how humble they are and what a holy victim they are because of it. Thanks again
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Now I remember a quote by Benjamin Franklin

“In reality, there is, perhaps, no one of our natural passions so hard to subdue as pride. Disguise it, struggle with it, beat it down, stifle it, mortify it as much as one pleases, it is still alive, and will every now and then peep out and show itself; you will see it, perhaps, often in this history; for, even if I could conceive that I had compleatly overcome it, I should probably be proud of my humility.”

Lol.

As for you, I think if she’s starting to get on your nerves, try to get away from her, find another room to pray perhaps or do something else to occupy your mind. But I think prayer is the best. 🙂
 
Pity your Sister – do not let yourself get angry with her anymore, and try not to be resentful. An excellent book that will help you is: Patience by Rev. Fr. F.X. Lasance. You can purchase it online from St. Bonaventure Publications. The book is truly excellent!
 
Your sister is definitely suffering, and it sounds like she’s suffering a lot, only not in the way she describes.

It sounds like she’s reaching out for something that will give her value, that she doesn’t want to be just another face in the crowd, that she’s trying to build up her own self image, and that she wants to distinguish herself. None of this is necessarily bad, but it looks like she could be heading down the path of religious mania.

It would be interesting to know how she relates to people outside of her family. Does she have friends? A boyfriend? A job? How did she use to relate to people in high school and college. Where was her place on the “popularity food chain”.

It sounds like she has a lot of internal conflicts going on. What stood out to me in your post is the way she “doesn’t hear” you. That sounds very passive aggressive. She might not be entirely aware of this, either. But for some reason, she is tuning you out.

I’m not suggesting you put up with anything she dishes out, but there may be more going on here than you realize.
 
For many, forgiveness is a difficult virtue to master. When we learn the power and wisdom of forgiveness, we are bound to have reached an advanced level of spiritual maturity. Regardless the nature of any possible abuse that we may have endured, nor the severity of that abuse, full recovery from abuse cannot be achieved until we truly forgive our abuser(s). Any anger or resentment we hold within us, live and thrive within us, and become a part of our very self. We will never rid ourselves of this anger and resentment until we experience true forgiveness towards all. Seeing our tormentors suffer a thousand times over will only add to our own misery.

On the other hand, to endure unnecessary torment and misery is never righteous, but a perversion. Also, the righteousness of forgiveness should never involve our condoning abuse or any other forms of evil.

True forgiveness requires our valuing peace and love above all else. Experiencing forgiveness towards those who have wronged us resembles perfect love more so than perhaps any other human experience. Forgiveness involves recognizing and valuing the potential for love that exists within every human soul, including our own soul. Sins cannot be completely forgiven until we forgive, and find an inner peace with, everyone who has ever wronged us; for every ounce of anger and resentment that we hold against any other(s), there will surely exist an ounce of sin held against us – for harboring anger and resentment within our self is sin.

The Golden Rule states: “do unto others as you would have them do unto you!” Our forgiving everyone, especially those we consider our enemies or adversaries, is to demonstrate to God that we are worthy of His forgiveness. Likewise, to find love for all our enemies and adversaries is to demonstrate to God that we have suffered long enough with our anger and resentment, and we are ready to receive His love.

Again, to experience the true power and wisdom contained within the virtue of forgiveness is to develop great spiritual growth!
 
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