Need help with priest bashing

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EmmieL

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I am the mother of a priest. I need suggestions on how to respond to snide remarks made to me, or jokes posted on social media, regarding the abuse scandal. If these people only knew how difficult it is to be a young priest in today’s times! To encounter looks, remarks, and outright scorn. My son had to go through rigorous psychological screening before being accepted, as well as during his formation. Most of the abuse occurred decades before he was even born.

He is a very holy priest, very traditional, as are a lot of the young priests today. I am very proud of him, and it breaks my heart that he can’t even hug a child, who runs to him with open arms, without being fearful of how it may appear. It is very, very difficult not to respond to people who say nasty things, knowing full well that my son is a priest. I just want to scream “THAT WAS NOT MY SON!” He did not do these things, yet pays for these actions every day. If I remain silent I feel as if it’s a betrayal of sorts. However…If I respond I will be giving them a reaction that they are likely seeking.

It’s hard being a priest today. But it’s also hard being a mother of one. Any suggestions would be appreciated before I go “mama bear” on these people, which I’m sure is NOT what Jesus would do.
 
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I would divide these people into two groups: those who are just being insensitive; and those who hate the Catholic Church. For the first group, I would just explain to them what you outlined in your first paragraph. For the second, I would try my best to just ignore them because you will never change their minds.

You son (along with all priests) is in my prayers.
 
I feel your pain. I am sure many moms of professions where a handful of people end up in the news for misconduct (such as police officers, military etc) go through this from time to time.

How about something like, “You know, my son is a priest, and he is a good man. And there are many good priests like him who don’t do these terrible things and work very hard to be good priests and good men. Your snide remark isn’t very fair or charitable to them.”

If they don’t take the correction in good grace, then simply end the conversation.
 
Watch the ad on YouTube called, “Catholic’s Come Home: Epic”. It will remind you of how beautiful the priesthood of the Church is. Tell people about the faithful, holy priests in the Catholic Church. Priests who pray, and serve, and give, and counsel, comfort, love and are channels of God’s grace. When you yourself know and believe how awesome Catholic priests are, it’s easy to tell others about them! God love you and bless you.
🙏❤️ 💒
 
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EmmieL said:
Any suggestions would be appreciated before I go “mama bear” on these people, which I’m sure is NOT what Jesus would do.
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Not sure what Jesus would do, but, I will hold your purse while you go “mama bear” 🙂

What your son would likely tell you, be kind to them because they do not know what they are doing. Pray for them.
 
Thank you! A much better idea than what I would love to say. Lol
 
Obviously you’ve met my son. Lol. That’s exactly what he says. Along with, “mom…you will never change their minds”, which, sadly, is probably true.
 
Your son probably has thick skin to go into this vocation in such a culturally hostile climate, which I’m sure makes you all the more proud of him.

I have no concrete advice to offer so much as an insight. The abolitionist Lydia Child said that “experience is the only lasting remedy for prejudice.” It is unfortunately on this new generation of priests to rebuild what was lost to those diabolical scandals. But I’m confident that with our prayers, they can engage the secular world and do exactly that.
 
I hate to say this, but you do have to let it go. I know that, as a mother, you want to defend him, but it will not change anyone.

If it were a friend or relative - or even someone you see on a regular basis, then I would confront the issue.

I will say this - as a man in general, it is no longer socially acceptable to hug a child not related. And, I dare say, that even women have to show some caution. (I have heard from many teachers that they are no longer comfortable giving comfort or a hug to a child). Many professionals simply do not want to put themselves in a position where their motives are questioned.

But, I will also say, that even in my time, I would not have wanted my mother to defend me - if someone had made an allegation or inappropriate toward my profession.

Now, if these comments are directed to you - because they want a reaction out of you - then I think it is fair of you to comment something like - "I’m sorry that you feel that way. If you ever want to hear the actual truth about this issue, I’d be happy to discuss it with you. "
 
EmmieL, I understand your feelings here. I have a pastor within my close family as well, and have a tremendous amount of respect for the pastors that serve my Church as well as the priests who serve the Catholic Church. I think the answer is varied. First, I would not take things so seriously, particularly where it is only meant to upset you. People are jerks and they can find excuses to be jerks to anyone. However, there are a lot of people who have been legitimately hurt by those in authority who have abused the trust that was placed in them. To those people I would just do your best to say I am sorry that you were hurt by someone who should have been faithful, and I would be glad to pray with and for you, but that isn’t my son. If you like, I would be glad to put you in touch with him so that you can convey your concerns to him.
 
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Good response! I actually did reply to someone who i suspected was trying to “get my goat” and used some of what you all have said, so thank you very much. And I am in no way discounting the enormity of the tragedy that is priest abuse. Just because it’s not my son doesn’t lessen the horror of it.

It’s a price we all will pay, sadly, for many years to come. Thanks again.
 
I feel for you and our priests. Not the same but I was confirmed this year and get many bad reactions about converting given the scandals along with other controversies surrounding Catholicism.

Bless our good priests. There is a novice that left for Rome to finish his studies and will join the order that pastors my parish. I was at the ceremony for his most recent rite and this was very shortly after the last bad news broke. It was so beautiful to see a good man we know will be an excellent priest continue on his journey. He is convicted but I am sure troubled. All of the priests at my parish, we are lucky to have five Oratorians, has personally made statements about the scandals and have provided forums and individual outreach to our community, all while dealing with their own feelings. I get counseling from a priest at another parish and we talked about these issues and I see the burden in him as he still offers hope to so many.

I often worry about the safety of the priests I know who walk in their collars, but they are staying firm about who they are. I have no advice, but take comfort that your son is one of those men who is not denying who is and what he stands for.
 
It’s not just priests, either. Any single man, especially middle aged or older, is automatically suspicious in the eyes of some people. Sadly, this means that boys are less likely to get the male mentoring and role modeling they need within the Church, as fewer men will volunteer. I’m personally not inclined to help in parish religious education for youth, even though I have thousands of hours of classroom experience and understand, and love, kids.

Your son just has to tough it out; I doubt it’s going to get better anytime soon. The ripple effect from a few bad apples has tainted the whole Church and especially men, in the eyes of the public.
 
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One suggestion is to talk to your son about it. Surely young Catholic priests around the US are dealing with the same thing, and they are discussing amongst themselves how to deal with it.
 
Do you happen to know the mothers of any other priests? For example, the mothers of your son’s classmates? They could be good support, as they’re probably going through the same thing.
 
Some children crave hugs. One becomes adept at pivoting sideways and only presenting ones arm and shoulder, disengaging quickly. I’ve had younger kids just take my hand suddenly when walking a group somewhere. It’s reassuring to them to hold an adult’s hand.
The rule is to never initiate contact, keep it superficial and keep it brief. Most kids these days seem to understand and respect that, too.
Once after reading a story to a K or T-K class, a little boy just leaned in suddenly and kissed me on the cheek. I didn’t see that coming! I think I just simply said “thank you.”
 
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