nkmeck - I wholeheartedly agree with what you noted/quoted.
Upon my return to the church two and a half years ago, (after 20 years away) I suffered through scrupulosity terribly the first year and into the second year. I had an excellent confessor - I saw him first and saw him every time thereafter, except when he was out of town and I “had” to see someone else. I read books right and left, I searched google, I searched EVERYwhere, high and low, for anything that would tell me what is wrong, why do I feel/think this way, what can I do about it, will it ever let up??
My confessor allowed me to email him (which I tried to do as minimally as possible) and so from time to time I would just pour out what I was thinking and feeling. I recall even asking him if I was suffering from scrupulosity (I had just discovered the term!)
To the credit of our most awesome God and the working of the Holy Spirit in his life, he constantly guided me back to Jesus.
Somewhere along the way, I read something just like what nkmeck quoted. My first thoughts were - WHAT?? Now I’m full of pride too?? Well, after many days, weeks, months of serious prayer, I realized that yes - it is rooted in pride. Which, at this point, is not an entirely bad thing. (I read a lot of things all at the same time, so I am terrible at remembering who says what in which book) At the same time, I read about how people move through their faith in stages. For instance, if you weren’t growing, you wouldn’t even know there WAS something called scrupulosity and you wouldn’t care about changing it. Stages include first being “self-absorbed” (for lack of better terminology) which is actually quite necessary for getting to know yourself, what sin IS, the difference between venial and mortal, how to recognize sin in the events of your life where you would never have thought twice about it before. These are all signs of GROWING in your faith - of **being **converted - of the VERY active life of the Holy Spirit within you.
The key is to *continue *growing and soon you will find yourself (again, through the work of the Holy Spirit) looking outwards instead of inwards. You begin looking to the people in your parish - with compassion and a desire to help - to the people at school, in your job, at the mall, on the street - all in with a new reference point of Jesus and the Holy Spirit present in THEM AND you.
The reason people will tell someone who is suffering from scrupulosity to ponder, read, pray, think or realize the depth of Jesus’ love for you is because in his LOVE, you will discover that HE is taking care of you and He does not want you to fall, does not want to judge you for every little thing, does not want to cast you into hell for the slightest imperfection. And once you are willing (an act of the WILL, not of the emotions!) to accept that, you can ask Him to help you move on.
To stay that scrupulosity is simply an extension of one’s pride and is selfish or self-absorbed is **not **to say you’re a bad person, go confess this terrible mental state and get on with your life. I believe that in viewing it as an element of pride, we are prompted to stop and ask the Holy Spirit to help us truly see ourselves as Jesus sees us and ask… am I just being self-absorbed? am I willing to see that about me? Jesus… will you change me, please?
Truly, the best cure for scrupulosity is to volunteer… give away something - your time, your money, your talent - DO CHARITY. It’s no mistake that Charity and Love (I Cor 13) are interchangeable!!! They ARE indeed, one in the same. In doing for others (less fortunate than you or not) brings you out of yourself - helps you see Jesus in others and see just how loving and merciful He is.
I’m not saying it will happen overnight. I’m not saying you have to give away all your money and volunteer at the homeless shelter 5 days a week (although if you can/do - God BLESS you!!) - I’m saying it’s a better cure than reading 10,000 books on how to cure yourself, spending money at a therapist or taking Prozac. Granted, those prone to scrupulosity may be prone to psychological issues such as depression, OCD, obsessive personality, etc. etc. But no one ever said your only cure is a drug.
I hope this doesn’t sound too soap-box-ish. Having been there (and still there from time to time), having the tendency toward obsessive personality “disorder” and a serious student of psychology as well as the great saints of our faith… I just want to say… where there is Faith… there is HOPE… and there is Charity… and the love of Jesus will lead you to Charity… in all its glorious forms!
If I may, I recommend the book Understanding Scrupulosity by Father Thomas Santa. You’ll recognize his name from the Scrupulous Anonymous newsletter already recommended in this thread.
God bless you on your journey, AaronsStaff… may this be a time of exploration of yourself, your faith and your growth toward God. May Jesus fill you with His love so that you may fill the world with His charity!
but in any case don’t forget that you may offer your sufferings to God and… it’s impossible to beat Him in generosity. These days, it’s your way to sanctify yourself, don’t get discouraged!!!