Need Help With Separation Issues From Those Who Have Wisdom In Such

[sparkle]

Friends: I have finally come to my senses in that I have realized that perhaps H and I need to separate in order for our marriage to be on a new tract. God willing, it will be one that is constructive. After 5 years of enduring emotional infidelity, near adultery, porn addiction, trouble breaking apron strings, “providing” for family, issues and more, I have finally come to know I must take a stand, and put my foot down once and for all, AND consider my childrens’ welfare and mine, I might add. My health is being affected to say the least, and I am miserable. I know now I need to think of myself and my 3 sons, i.e., and with the help of God I WILL do whatever it takes to restore such.

I appreciate all your prayers. Pray for us this weekend as we go to “Marriage Encounter”. I never imagined in a million years with my wonderful family upbringing I would be in this position, but know bad choices haunt us.

Luv,
Sparkle
+Pray Romans 8:28+ today for me+++

 

[jrabs]

WOW - prayers are coming your way. You have been through a lot.

 

[kage_ar]

Sparkle -

A separation (and that hidden scapular) is what sparked my DH’s conversion, the healing of our marriage. It was the turning point for us. You will be in my prayers.

Kage

 

[LSK]

sparkle:

Friends: I have finally come to my senses in that I have realized that perhaps H and I need to separate in order for our marriage to be on a new tract. God willing, it will be one that is constructive. After 5 years of enduring emotional infidelity, near adultery, porn addiction, trouble breaking apron strings, “providing” for family, issues and more, I have finally come to know I must take a stand, and put my foot down once and for all, AND consider my childrens’ welfare and mine, I might add. My health is being affected to say the least, and I am miserable. I know now I need to think of myself and my 3 sons, i.e., and with the help of God I WILL do whatever it takes to restore such.

I appreciate all your prayers. Pray for us this weekend as we go to “Marriage Encounter”. I never imagined in a million years with my wonderful family upbringing I would be in this position, but know bad choices haunt us.

Luv,
Sparkle
+Pray Romans 8:28+ today for me+++

Did you find someone other than the abusive, demonic inlaws to watch your children while you attend the marriage encounter? Remember, bad choices can continue to haunt you…

 

[sparkle]

LSK:

Did you find someone other than the abusive, demonic inlaws to watch your children while you attend the marriage encounter? Remember, bad choices can continue to haunt you…

No I didn’t. But through a good friend, she helped me decide that right now, our marriage is worth one last umph, one last burst of gas, and that it must come first. Decided to let children stay with H’s parents this weekend. They have stayed there before over the past 15 years, NO, hopefully it will not happen again, but this time is crucial for our marriage looking forward. Kids and their grandfolks have a good relationship and I feel it WILL be OK, in the long run, just this once again. Thx LSK for your concern. I’m hoping to really gain the necessary Godly ammunition to move forward, set boundaries, goals, needs, and God-willing, our marriage will be restored, I pray, thru this marriage encounter weekend. Thank you for praying for us and our marriage.

I do not recall LSK, how long have you been married and how old are your kids? Please let me know.

God Bless~~

 

[sparkle]

kage_ar:

Sparkle -

A separation (and that hidden scapular) is what sparked my DH’s conversion, the healing of our marriage. It was the turning point for us. You will be in my prayers.

Kage

Thank you so very much Kage. Please pray for us this weekend. I feel I just must communicate my needs and desires for our supposed “Christian marriage”, and that there is no other way. He either will try or he won’t. I’m only accepting 100% effort anymore. I’m so happy your marriage has turned around! PTL!!

 

[LSK]

I am now a widow and my husband waits for me in heaven with our little girl.

I was with him for 15 years - 10 of which were outside the Church. His parents hated me (I thought) and I was convinced everything that was happening was their fault. Through heavy counselling, prayer and a willingness to entertain the idea that maybe someone else had a perspective that needed to be examined, I was able to learn where MY PART in all the chaos was and to STOP IT. Before he and the baby died, we had a great marriage and I had a loving, respectful relationship with his parents. Now that all of them are waiting for me in heaven, I feel as though I have my very own rooting section in the Communion of Saints.

Good luck. You have a lot to overcome…if even half of what you have told us about these in-laws is true (and that does not mean you are lying - it just means there is a matter of examination of conscience and perspective that needs to be done here) then you have a row to hoe. Good luck, sister girl.

 

[sparkle]

LSK:

I am now a widow and my husband waits for me in heaven with our little girl.

I was with him for 15 years - 10 of which were outside the Church. His parents hated me (I thought) and I was convinced everything that was happening was their fault. Through heavy counselling, prayer and a willingness to entertain the idea that maybe someone else had a perspective that needed to be examined, I was able to learn where MY PART in all the chaos was and to STOP IT. Before he and the baby died, we had a great marriage and I had a loving, respectful relationship with his parents. Now that all of them are waiting for me in heaven, I feel as though I have my very own rooting section in the Communion of Saints.

Good luck. You have a lot to overcome…if even half of what you have told us about these in-laws is true (and that does not mean you are lying - it just means there is a matter of examination of conscience and perspective that needs to be done here) then you have a row to hoe. Good luck, sister girl.

I am so sorry Leslie. Did they have an accident? Of course we have “heaven” to look forward to with our loved ones. And yes, how we can count on all the saints to be on our side, route for us all in this life, pray to, it is such a comfort isn’t it? I know it is for me. Matter of fact, with alot of tribulation that’s been happening lately for me in my life, I was just SO praying and crying to one of my patron saints, the other day, and I just KNOW he heard me. I could feel and sense it with all my being.

 

[La_Chiara]

sparkle–I think that you are making the right decision to leave the kids with the in-laws in order to go to the Marriage Encounter. First things first. And your marriage is the most important thing to address here. Although I have been married for 20 years and have had in-law problems causing marital stress, we never had marital issues serious enough to consider separation. I understand that you have lots of other marital issues you are dealing with and therefore separation may be helpful. But get through your Marriage Encounter and work with your counselor before making that decision. God bless you and I’ll pray for you this weekend.

 

[LSK]

i am so sorry Leslie.

Thank you!

Did they have an accident?

It better have been an accident, because if I get to heaven and find out they drowned purpose, I am going to let him have it for all eternity. (sorry, a little widow-humor…I also periodically accuse him of dying before he was 40 so he would always be remembered as young and beautiful while I just keep agin’ away…)

You have a lot to deal with, sister-girl. Keep pluggin’ away. And I would suggest you take your notebook and your Jesus Box with you…that way, if the Husband dares to suggest that some of this stuff is YOUR fault, you can write it on the paper and give it to Jesus before you brain him…JUST KIDDING>>>>>>

GO NINERS

 

[Island_Oak]

sparkle:

Friends: I have finally come to my senses in that I have realized that perhaps H and I need to separate in order for our marriage to be on a new tract. God willing, it will be one that is constructive…

It is a milestone for you to come to an acceptance that separation may be necessary step to healing, not ending your marriage. I will be praying that you have the insight to discern the right path you need to take and the courage to follow through in the face of so many obstacles. This might just be the beginning of a new life for you–one free of the anxiety, sorrow and exhaustion you have known for far too long. We are all by your side in prayer. Best wishes.

 

[sparkle]

Island Oak:

It is a milestone for you to come to an acceptance that separation may be necessary step to healing, not ending your marriage. I will be praying that you have the insight to discern the right path you need to take and the courage to follow through in the face of so many obstacles. This might just be the beginning of a new life for you–one free of the anxiety, sorrow and exhaustion you have known for far too long. We are all by your side in prayer. Best wishes.

Gosh you guys are the greatest. I promise to be there for you too. Thanks for your prayers for this upcoming weekend. There’s alot of stuff which will come down, yes, but I know it just has to be faced if our marriage is to continue. I’m finally ready to face the music. I have endured and tried for SO long, and my steam has run out. There will be conditions to be met, changes to be made, with God’s help we will be able to tackle them, if not, you know? for once in my life, I’m OK with that too.
LSK, I feel just so bad for you being a widow and all, did your precious hubby and daughter drown? How long ago? Do you have other kids? That must be just SO hard. Gosh–just know we’re here for you always. If ever you want to share, we’re here friend and God Loves You. And you can always PM me if you want. I would like to know your situation so I can lift you up today in prayer too!

Your Friend~~
Sparkle

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

Concentrate on the weekend, Sparkle. The kids will be OK- that boy of yours can be a big help if he’s of a mind.Prayers all weekend.

 

[otm]

Sparkle: the weekend can teach you both how to listen and how to communicate more effectively. Do follow up on the weekend, as it is easy to go through a temporary burst, and then forget the follow through necessary on the daily/weekly/monthly basis for sitting down and getting to the bottom of things.

And before you bail, if you haven’t done so, seriously consider going through marital counseling by a qualified therapist. You have issues that I suspect need to be dealt with through the guidance of a knowledgeable third party. Mariage Encounter can teach you effective communication tools, and give you an opportunity to look at different parts of your marriage. However, with the problems the two of you have had over the years, you may need professional help sorting things out.

Look to your diocese for a marriage therapist; and if you can’t find one there, look to Lutheran Family Counseling Service.

Whatever you do, don’t put the whole load on the weekend. Hopefully it will break the ice enough to allow the two of you to start doing some serious work on your marriage. But beyond breaking the ice, it isn’t a panacea. Keep that in mind.

 

[LSK]

otm:

And before you bail, if you haven’t done so, seriously consider going through marital counseling by a qualified therapist. You have issues that I suspect need to be dealt with through the guidance of a knowledgeable third party. Mariage Encounter can teach you effective communication tools, and give you an opportunity to look at different parts of your marriage. However, with the problems the two of you have had over the years, you may need professional help sorting things out.

Look to your diocese for a marriage therapist; and if you can’t find one there, look to Lutheran Family Counseling Service.

Wise, counsel. We all have a tendency to think the weekend will be a cure all and forget that it is the day-to-day ‘grind’ where we need to apply what we learn.

Sparkle asked me if I have other children. I lived a pretty wild life while drinking and using, and like most people who live immorally made some ‘choices’ that drove me futher and further from the Throne of Peter. One of the reasons I am adament about taking responsibility for our own actions and words is because it was by doing so that I was able to heal, to no longer use the untimely death of my husband and child as an excuse to be a drain on family and society and to face up to the sadness of the lifestyle I had once embraced. Because of this, I can now say I am the mother of five children - all of them have names and all are waiting for me in heaven.

Sparkle, you have a huge amount of stuff to heal from and you have a lot of work to do. It will not all be fun - I suspect you will be facing your own part in the way your life is today and that is NEVER easy and NEVER fun. It can be, however, liberating and the most incredible ongoing spiritual experience you ever have…you may even learn to love and get along with your inlaws. I hope so - the fact that they have a good relationship with their grandchildren show that they are not all bad. Good luck, and my St. Gianna guide you.

 

[sparkle]

LSK:

Sparkle asked me if I have other children. I lived a pretty wild life while drinking and using, and like most people who live immorally made some ‘choices’ that drove me futher and further from the Throne of Peter. Because of this, I can now say I am the mother of five children - all of them have names and all are waiting for me in heaven.

What does the above mean? Did you have 5 abortions? Bless your heart. There is no condemnation here you know, ONLY support and love. At least on my part. I really would like to know what happened to your husband and baby daughter. You say they drowned. How?

P.S. Yes, we are presently in marriage counseling.

 

[sparkle]

OutinChgoburbs:

Concentrate on the weekend, Sparkle. The kids will be OK- that boy of yours can be a big help if he’s of a mind.Prayers all weekend.

Thank you so much. I know they’ll be fine. As a friend reminded me again, they have had ME, all of their lives, they have the influence of their grandparents very little. And what does this tell you? PLUS, I need to learn or start learning how to let go and let God. HE knows my kids. And my prayers for them. HE also wants our marriage to work.

Thank you so much for your prayers for this upcoming weekend. I sure need them. I’m a little nervous upon facing issues perhaps I’ve been too shy to face before, but I know with God, ALL things are possible.

Thanks again Outin-----you’re really dear~~ God Bless~~

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

sparkle:

What does the above mean? Did you have 5 abortions? Bless your heart. There is no condemnation here you know, ONLY support and love. At least on my part. I really would like to know what happened to your husband and baby daughter. You say they drowned. How?

Sparkle, I think you are stepping over the line, just a bit. If you have these types of personal questions it might be best to PM the person.

This is the second time you have asked about the drowning. Maybe she doesn’t want to discuss it but feels uncomfortable telling you that? I find your continued interest a little bit morbid.

I hope*** I*** have not stepped over the line, but I felt it needed to be said.

malia

 

[sparkle]

Feanaro's Wife:

Sparkle, I think you are stepping over the line, just a bit. If you have these types of personal questions it might be best to PM the person.

This is the second time you have asked about the drowning. Maybe she doesn’t want to discuss it but feels uncomfortable telling you that? I find your continued interest a little bit morbid.

I hope*** I*** have not stepped over the line, but I felt it needed to be said.

malia

Yes, malia, thank you. You are right. I won’t say anything further. It’s just that I feel such compassion for LSK. She is always free to PM me, yes I know.

 

[Feanaro_s_Wife]

sparkle:

Yes, malia, thank you. It’s just that I feel such compassion for LSK. She is always free to PM me, yes I know.

You are welcome Sparkle.

Malia