Need help

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Dacinom said:
Your first step is to move financial control AWAY from your parents, but you probably already knew that.

You are home during the day, take time and make phone calls. Are you living off of a trust fund from a lawsuit from your car accident? Are you living off of Social Security disability and your parents are trustees for you? Whatever your situation you need to move it out of your parent’s hands. Move financial control into the hands of a county worker, a private worker (even if you have to pay them a fee) or someone else, immediately. Same with your wife.

I believe it will be nearly impossible to stand up to your parents as long as they wield control over you financially. They will fuss, scream, get angry and do all sorts of things but you already know that too. Tell them you need to feel more like a man and don’t want to go to your parents all the time for things, that you still love them but you need to take this step to feel like a grown man. You would rather go to a stranger for money than your mother, yes that is true because a grown man can negotiate like a man with a stranger, not like a little boy with his mommy.

It is wonderful that your mother saved your life, but you don’t need to pay her back by allowing her to abuse your daughter’s life. Your daughter doesn’t need to pay the price for what was done for you. This won’t be easy, please be assured of my prayers.
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Monicad, as always, gives great advice. Having parents in control of your money can make it easy for them to black-mail you. Try to interview financial planners who can act as guardians of your family’s money. You may not know if your parents are doing a sound job investing. Yes, it may require you paying someone, but the peace of mind that comes with that can be awfully freeing. Trust me on that one.
 
1990Domer said:
Monicad, as always, gives great advice. Having parents in control of your money can make it easy for them to black-mail you. Try to interview financial planners who can act as guardians of your family’s money. You may not know if your parents are doing a sound job investing. Yes, it may require you paying someone, but the peace of mind that comes with that can be awfully freeing. Trust me on that one.
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They are actually not investing in anything, it’s all in CDs. So it’s just sitting there getting sucked away!
 
brendenseth said:
They are actually not investing in anything, it’s all in CDs. So it’s just sitting there getting sucked away!
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Have you ever talked candidly with them regarding your finances? Would they be offended if you suggested that a professional be brought in to review the status of the money and make suggestions about how it could be invested more wisely? If they were willing, then maybe their control could be shifted gradually away from them to a financial advisor. If anything, you could broach it as estate planning for your daughter.
 
You should call Catholic Charities and ask for legal assistance. Your parents should not be in control of your finances. It’s just a recipe for disaster and a strain on the relationship. In the meantime, make sure your daughter doesn’t go alone.
 
I know this is delayed but I had another question I wanted to ask. Awhile ago my father purchased a house for my sister with my settlement money, her mortgage pays some of my bills. Only problem is she bought it with her bf and they have yet to marry. Every time I bring it up it’s a big problem, I just feel complicit in this sin. Would anyone have any recommendations for me? Thank you.
 
brendenseth said:
I know this is delayed but I had another question I wanted to ask. Awhile ago my father purchased a house for my sister with my settlement money, her mortgage pays some of my bills. Only problem is she bought it with her bf and they have yet to marry. Every time I bring it up it’s a big problem, I just feel complicit in this sin. Would anyone have any recommendations for me? Thank you.
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I wasn’t sure by what you meant when you said that her mortgage pays for some of your bills. Is she paying your dad a mortgage payment?
 
brendenseth said:
I know this is delayed but I had another question I wanted to ask. Awhile ago my father purchased a house for my sister with my settlement money, her mortgage pays some of my bills. Only problem is she bought it with her bf and they have yet to marry. Every time I bring it up it’s a big problem, I just feel complicit in this sin. Would anyone have any recommendations for me? Thank you.
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This again sounds like something you should run by an attorney.

You seem quite competent in your writing. Not sure that you can get the answers you want here.
 
brendenseth said:
I know this is delayed but I had another question I wanted to ask. Awhile ago my father purchased a house for my sister with my settlement money, her mortgage pays some of my bills. Only problem is she bought it with her bf and they have yet to marry. Every time I bring it up it’s a big problem, I just feel complicit in this sin. Would anyone have any recommendations for me? Thank you.
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I agree with everyone else; you need a good lawyer. Calling Catholic Charities seems like a good start.
 
Many Catholic law schools also do pro bono work. I am sure someone would help you out!
 
Have you mentioned to your father (in a calm non confrontational way) how his being abusive in the house (and your daughter hearing it) could be affecting her?
In other words,is he a reasonable person who is able to be reasoned with?
 
Elena321 said:
Have you mentioned to your father (in a calm non confrontational way) how his being abusive in the house (and your daughter hearing it) could be affecting her?
In other words,is he a reasonable person who is able to be reasoned with?
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I have but they still drink and forget everything I’ve said, it’s a vicious cycle.
 
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