need help

  • Thread starter Thread starter standsbyme
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
S

standsbyme

Guest
i found this forum while looking for some answers online and decided to join to get advice on a problem…
my teenage nephew belongs to our local lds church with his stepfather and sisters. my sister was going but isn’t presently. my sister and the stepfather are divorced, so my nephew now only goes to church if/when he’s with his stepfather or sometimes with my grandmother (not Catholic). I’ve been inviting him to church recently because i know he’s lonely (sister going through tough times, needs your prayers), however, he said something troubling after inviting him a couple of times. he said he would get in trouble at “his” (lds) church:( if they found out he went to my (Catholic) church.
we agreed they didn’t have to find out, but i don’t want to harbor a sinful outlook on this. any ideas or suggestions? this young man needs spiritual direction and guidance. please pray for us.
 
standsbyme said:
i found this forum while looking for some answers online and decided to join to get advice on a problem…
my teenage nephew belongs to our local lds church with his stepfather and sisters. my sister was going but isn’t presently. my sister and the stepfather are divorced, so my nephew now only goes to church if/when he’s with his stepfather or sometimes with my grandmother (not Catholic). I’ve been inviting him to church recently because i know he’s lonely (sister going through tough times, needs your prayers), however, he said something troubling after inviting him a couple of times. he said he would get in trouble at “his” (lds) church:( if they found out he went to my (Catholic) church.
we agreed they didn’t have to find out, but i don’t want to harbor a sinful outlook on this. any ideas or suggestions? this young man needs spiritual direction and guidance. please pray for us.
Click to expand...
If he wants to stay with LDS he needs to do what they say and not lie about it.

If he doesn’t want to stay with LDS he should just quit.
 
thanks for the links and the prayers…we (me and my dad, who is not catholic) began learning more about lds after my sister and her children joined their church. ironically, they joined AFTER my sister and the girls’ father divorced:confused:
i don’t think he wants to stay with lds, but i think he feels he doesn’t have a choice:(
however, i don’t think he knows what he wants to do if he did have a choice. i’m just trying to offer him a choice, but don’t want to get him in trouble doing it.
 
If you like send me a PM with a shipping address and I’ll send you a CD with the MP3’s.
 
standsbyme, this is not an unusual situation. First, you need to find out what your nephew really wants. The freedom to investigate two different religions? Or the freedom to leave one or the other or both?

There is nothing in lds doctrine that would get him into “trouble” for attending mass. So I would also try to have him tell you what, exactly, he means by this. Trouble with whom and in what form?

You can’t really help him until you know what is really going on.
 
I only know from my DH experience.

When he was “looking” he spent about a year in the lds. Off topic, although as he was walking to lds one Easter Sunday, he passed a Catholic Church. He felt pulled, so he went in and since then (well after RCIA) has been Catholic.
Anyway, after not showing up for a couple weeks, someone from lds called him. He was in college at the time and just flat out told them “I am becoming Catholic, thanks, have a great day!”
Well it was not more than 20 mins later, a knock comes on the door, he looks out to see a couple of lds “friends”, he ignored it. They, and other lds members (they took turns) camped out in their vehicles by his house for the rest of the day. He said they continued to try to “talk” to him for up to a year following that day.
Not sure if this is norm or just a zealous group, although, something like that might be VERY difficult for a teenager.
 
JustAnotherThou said:
I only know from my DH experience.

When he was “looking” he spent about a year in the lds. Off topic, although as he was walking to lds one Easter Sunday, he passed a Catholic Church. He felt pulled, so he went in and since then (well after RCIA) has been Catholic.
Anyway, after not showing up for a couple weeks, someone from lds called him. He was in college at the time and just flat out told them “I am becoming Catholic, thanks, have a great day!”
Well it was not more than 20 mins later, a knock comes on the door, he looks out to see a couple of lds “friends”, he ignored it. They, and other lds members (they took turns) camped out in their vehicles by his house for the rest of the day. He said they continued to try to “talk” to him for up to a year following that day.
Not sure if this is norm or just a zealous group, although, something like that might be VERY difficult for a teenager.
Click to expand...
Not unusual. I had a friend explain to me once this way: Mormons see a person like your husband or the OP nephew like a child, who has wandered into the middle of a busy street. Cars are rushing by in all directions, and there that little toddler is, standing in the middle of it all.

Mormons are, if anything, generally as a group, a caring lot. This sort of obsessive behavior is done out of a sense of saving, of rescuing.

For the person on the receiving end of this behavior, it is often is seen as way out of bounds, invasive and inappropriate.

And you are correct, it is head trip for a teen to go through this. I did it. And I know at least one girl who is going through the same thing now.

This is why I think it important to find out what exactly is going on with the nephew. Does trouble mean he is worried about something that has not happened but he fears will happen? Or are the mormons doing this rescue-from-the-middle-of-the-road thing and he just doesn’t know how to deal with it?

Throw into that, he is a minor, and honestly, as a non-custodial adult there isn’t much you or he can do if the parent/step-parent in merely asserting their parental duties and raising their son as they believe is correct. It can become you (the OP) as the invasive and out of bounds intruder. In which case, all you can really be is a listening ear.
 
RebeccaJ said:
Mormons are, if anything, generally as a group, a caring lot. This sort of obsessive behavior is done out of a sense of saving, of rescuing. For the person on the receiving end of this behavior, it is often is seen as way out of bounds, invasive and inappropriate.
Click to expand...
How far out of bounds they can get is beyond imagining. They are capable of conjuring fantastic untruths out of their imaginations as to why a person fails to receive their “gospel”. People have been known to lose their families, careers, means of earning a living, and even everything they have, because of gossip of drug and alcohol abuse, homosexuality, child abuse, HIV, witchcraft, theft, etc. This is not caring, this is downright malicious. :mad:

And the reason why I refused to receive their “gospel” is what my research project says. Their “gospel” is downright hateful and stops just short of Naziism. :mad: The problem in Catholicism is that many Catholics are in deep denial (like I was) as to how dangerous Mormonism can get, or they are incompletely converted from the LDS faith.

I apologize to those LDS people who may naively believe, but this is my own experience. :o

Anyone who wants to get out must take great care that such slander does not occur, and be aware that it might. I was never in, but was targeted because of my ancestry. 😦
 
Jerusha said:
How far out of bounds they can get is beyond imagining. They are capable of conjuring fantastic untruths out of their imaginations as to why a person fails to receive their “gospel”. People have been known to lose their families, careers, means of earning a living, and even everything they have, because of gossip of drug and alcohol abuse, homosexuality, child abuse, HIV, witchcraft, theft, etc. This is not caring, this is downright malicious. :mad:

And the reason why I refused to receive their “gospel” is what my research project says. Their “gospel” is downright hateful and stops just short of Naziism. :mad: The problem in Catholicism is that many Catholics are in deep denial (like I was) as to how dangerous Mormonism can get, or they are incompletely converted from the LDS faith.

I apologize to those LDS people who may naively believe, but this is my own experience. :o

Anyone who wants to get out must take great care that such slander does not occur, and be aware that it might. I was never in, but was targeted because of my ancestry. 😦
Click to expand...
It’s across a scale. I know people who have left mormonism with little to no resistance from other members, family, friends, etc. And I know people who have lost their job. And I know people who are horribly abused by family members.

For a teen, it is somewhat different. There is no job to lose. There is no spouse to lose. For a teen, it is the enormous pressure put on them by family and friends. And yes, sometimes this pressure gets into the abusive realm. And even at that, I still believe the parents do it out of a sense that they need to save or protect their child. But the things I have seen mormon parents do in an attempt to keep their child mormon…you are correct, it is not always good.

And yes, great care should be taken that the child does not get harmed, and not just physically. And also to the OP, take care that you protect yourself.
 
wow, i haven’t thought in terms like that:(
my sister joined their church after a (spouse #3) bad divorce and it was her second husband (member of lds) who talked her into coming to church (something he started doing after THEIR divorce). i think everyone in their lds church thought they would get back together…when they didn’t, they kinda dropped my sister (no more missionary visits, etc.) and began focusing on the children. she quite going to church and my nephew only goes when his stepdad takes him. i will question him closer about what kind of “trouble”…i just feel he’s at an impressionable age…that time in your life when life can go one way or the other. if lds can get him through his rough life (poverty, family mental illness, addictions, etc.😦 ), help him through college and into a decent job/life, then i wouldn’t be as worried, but this young man has no spiritual direction. i like the “ear to listen, shoulder to cry on”…if that’s what he needs, i’ll be glad to be there for him:)
 
standsbyme said:
wow, i haven’t thought in terms like that:(
my sister joined their church after a (spouse #3) bad divorce and it was her second husband (member of lds) who talked her into coming to church (something he started doing after THEIR divorce). i think everyone in their lds church thought they would get back together…when they didn’t, they kinda dropped my sister (no more missionary visits, etc.) and began focusing on the children. she quite going to church and my nephew only goes when his stepdad takes him. i will question him closer about what kind of “trouble”…i just feel he’s at an impressionable age…that time in your life when life can go one way or the other. if lds can get him through his rough life (poverty, family mental illness, addictions, etc.😦 ), help him through college and into a decent job/life, then i wouldn’t be as worried, but this young man has no spiritual direction. ** i like the “ear to listen, shoulder to cry on”…if that’s what he needs, i’ll be glad to be there for him**🙂
Click to expand...
I bolded the portion above. as that is what I would like to address. I have know some LDS that were every nice people. I have also be approached by LDS missionaries and they are very forcefully. Pray for him listen to him. when as the opportunity presents itself show him were LDS teaching is incorrect without saying they are wrong just show him the Bible and writings of early church fathers.
At fifteen he has so many things going on that the last thing he needs is Adults trying to pull him between religions. I would maybe even teach him the Rosary. Its a strong pray and something he can connect to you The Church and hold in his hand in times of doubt. Good luck and God Bless.
 
You should help him:

“Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.” (Matthew 19:14)

If he wants to leave the lds you should help him, for you know what is correct.
 
Yes, Rebecca, there is quite a large range of reactions. People who exit the LDS church sometimes experience what I did. However, there are many people who have encountered extreme LDS abuse simply because of their ancestry-- I know others who have experienced what I experienced.

Now you understand. 😉
 
Jerusha said:
Yes, Rebecca, there is quite a large range of reactions. People who exit the LDS church sometimes experience what I did. However, there are many people who have encountered extreme LDS abuse simply because of their ancestry-- I know others who have experienced what I experienced.

Now you understand. 😉
Click to expand...
cryptic, but yes, I understand, for some the leaving is harder than it is for others. It can be a complicated matter. Have you read “Leaving the Saints”?
 
No, Coates’ “In Mormon Circles” was all that was necessary for me to see things as they are. Lurking at exmormon.org has helped me see the similarities from your eyes.

The building of supports for those persecuted because of ancestry is far behind the building of supports for exMormons, partially because many of us do not know the name of the enemy.

Remember, you are still living in SLC. I wish the US had an effective refugee program for those who have found it necessary to relocate. But, of course, since the US gov. does not believe that a problem exists, that will take a long time happening.
 
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top