Need husband advice re: his mindset

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Laurel

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I have been listening to relavant radio and my husband won’t listen with me. Not only that, but he says he doesn’t want to hear about that relavant radio c***. This hurts me because since I have been listening I have really been uplifted and I go to mass everyday and pray the rosary at church on Saturdays. I really feel badly that he feels this way and that he belittles my interest in it. I had Fr. Corapi on this AM while we were on the was downtown to drop him at work and he just shut it off without even a word. He claims to be a spiritual man…he will tell you “I don’t claim to be religious just spiritual”. What does that mean?. He is not a hippie free spirit…actually I am clocer to that than he is. So I really don’t get what is happening here?.

What is your opinion or do you need more facts?.

BTW he was never confirmed, and really has no plans of doing so if that means anything.
 
It probably makes him feel guilty to listen to Fr. Corapi and such. Just my opinion.
 
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Genesis315:
It probably makes him feel guilty to listen to Fr. Corapi and such. Just my opinion.
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I agree.
 
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Genesis315:
It probably makes him feel guilty to listen to Fr. Corapi and such. Just my opinion.
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He is a good man, but when he gets angry he says some pretty awful things to my daughter and me…so I suppose you may be on to something. He admits it is wrong, but still it happens…less often than before but still too often. What can I do to help him besides pray for him?.
 
You’ve done some changing, and he is SCARED TO DEATH that HE might have to change, and resentful about the whole thing, too. He’s been steeped in the “spiritual but not religious” baloney that is the new age “belief system” of the moment. Doesn’t want to hear any of that mind-numbing, orthodox, and above all CONFINING stuff that Catholicism means to him. He is probably so focused on all the “Shalt Nots” that he doesn’t realize that Catholicism is the most authentically FREE system of belief there is. It’s like all the other truths rooted in dichotomy. . .it’s always darkest before the dawn, the drawn tooth hurts the most just before it’s pulled, etc. etc. You are most free when you are most obedient. You are most “yourself” when you forget about yourself and think and act for others.

But that message contradicts about 99% of what he himself perceives is “real life” (ask him BTW just what he thinks real life IS ), and if any of it is TRUE, he can’t just be a “bystander of life”, can’t just sit back comfortably and “laissez les bon temps roulez”, “let the good times roll”. He will in a sense have to “grow up” and take on responsibilities instead of clamouring for rights.

He is scared, scared, scared, and men aren’t SUPPOSED to be scared.

The best thing you can do is just keep on doing what you know is right, AND pray for him. I would also, even though it seems paradoxical and awkward, try to do MORE for him. . .not servile stuff but. . .write him love notes. Thank him more often just for being your husband. Cuddle him more. Make his favorite meals, listen to some of his favorite things, wear some of his favorite outfits, above all, LISTEN (with your whole attention) to what he is saying. . .and see if after a few days or weeks of this treatment he doesn’t start to relax, enjoy the “perks” of having an authentically loving Catholic wife, realize that the 17 million radically opposed things he is worried will happen with this are NOT GONNA HAPPEN (they can’t, they all contradict each other, but he can’t see that right now), and then with the two of you more aware of each other and more aware of “real life” as opposed to his fantasy world of “spiritual, not religious” and its true happiness, I think your prayers will have a good answer.
 
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Laurel:
He is a good man, but when he gets angry he says some pretty awful things to my daughter and me…so I suppose you may be on to something. He admits it is wrong, but still it happens…less often than before but still too often. What can I do to help him besides pray for him?.
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I am sorry but it sounds like a control issue. Sit down, have a sincere talk with him, and let him know how much this means to you. Appeal to his love for you. When it is on, ask his opinion on issues being discussed. Do not give him reason to feel threatened though. Reassure him that you value his opinions and would really like to know what he thinks. I think that with time, he too will find himself enjoying Relevant Radio. When I lived in Wisconsin, I used to listen to it all the time. Then we moved to Nashville and there are no Catholic stations. Therefore, I went out and got Sirius Satellite Radio, which has EWTN.smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/5/5_3_9.gif
Anyway, best wish to you and you husband.
God bless.
 
He feels that he does not have to change. I have lied to him alot in that past about our daughter re: her grades and such, because when he would scold her it got quite ugly sometimes. Screaming right in her face and calling her names and such. He adopted her when she was 6 and sometimes he would call us the R**** girls…my maiden name to hurt her…us. I know the end does not justify the means but I began to keep all things that would anger him away from him and I have never stopped. He has gotten better, but ugly things still flop out and he told her that June 1st of 2008 she is out of the house…and he means it. That is the year she will graduate H.S. She has really gotten out of hand as a result…and I have realized that all our lives have gotten out of hand and that is when it hit me that nothing can be right without God in our lives and I am now actively seeking him and his wisdom and grace. Letting go if you will and trusting whole-heartedly in the fact that he knows wht is best for me. But in the meantime, he still blames me for a split in our marriage because how he says…“you are not in love with the truth”…and I suppose he is right, but I also wanted to protect our daughter. I have also at times lied to him about things I have bought for the kids like I bought a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie once, and he says that stuff is foo-foo c*** and I told him my Mom bought it so he would not throw it away. I feel guilty for trying to change him because he is right. I lied to him and right is right and wrong is wrong and I was wrong. But still I feel we both need to be clocer to God…but maybe I am a hypocrite at the same time. I just wish he would give it a chance, and I wish he would just get confirmed. He says to our daughter…“oh look at the confirmed one…doing whatever she shouldn’t at the time…what a joke”.This is really complicated I guess…I’m sorry and thanks for listening.
 
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Tietjen:
I am sorry but it sounds like a control issue. Sit down, have a sincere talk with him, and let him know how much this means to you. Appeal to his love for you. When it is on, ask his opinion on issues being discussed. Do not give him reason to feel threatened though. Reassure him that you value his opinions and would really like to know what he thinks. I think that with time, he too will find himself enjoying Relevant Radio. When I lived in Wisconsin, I used to listen to it all the time. Then we moved to Nashville and there are no Catholic stations. Therefore, I went out and got Sirius Satellite Radio, which has EWTN.smileys.smileycentral.com/cat/5/5_3_9.gif
Anyway, best wish to you and you husband.
God bless.
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I will try…and thanks!
 
Can you at least get him to listen to 94.3 (K-Love). It’s a start.

Are you ready to talk about CFC yet?

PM me…let’s talk.
 
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dhgray:
Can you at least get him to listen to 94.3 (K-Love). It’s a start.

Are you ready to talk about CFC yet?
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I had never heard of it. (94.3 (K-Love), that is.

He is ***very anti-social *** and would never do anything like that. His antisocial tendencies will not allow him to be confirmed or attend church except on Christmas and Easter and for sacrements and weddings and such. He hates crowds and people he calls “Bible thumpers”. I am afraid I am becoming one of them in his eyes. Heck, he won’t even go to a John Tesh concert anymore because he says he is a Bible thumper and J.T was one of his *absolute *favourites. So I suppose I don’t see how it could help. But you are really nice for still thinking of me. I figured you would have written me off by now…under the circumstances in which we met. You know all the C.S stuff.

Thanks!
 
Laurel,

Oh dear, can I ever relate to your situation! You see, I believe you may be married to my husband. Not literally, but my husband is very much like yours. Except he uses “bible-beater” not “bible-thumper” Same thing.

I feel like maybe we could at least pray for each other and maybe share frustrations. I am always praying that God softens my husband’s heart and I believe God can work a miracle in my life (and yours, too). In the meantime though it seems to me that the closer I get to God the more threatened my husband acts. But, I will not compromise my faith, my salvation, and my relationship with the Lord. I keep a lot of my faith/beliefs/prayers/feelings to myself and just don’t talk about religion with him. It is difficult because I am desperately trying to raise my kids the right way. I am doing it on my own. I am very determined though, so with prayer and God’s will I will bring them to God.

Anyway, I wanted to send a personal message directly to you, but I couldn’t figure out how since I’m new to the forum.

I would be willing to share e-mails so we could talk personally.

Just let me know. You will be in my prayers!!!
 
**Karen, **

**We sure can!. Can I give my e-mail address here?. If I can I will. I would love to chat. You can PM me by clicking on my name and select send a private message or something like that. I would love to chat!. I will pray for you too. **
Thanks for sharing…BTW welcome!
 
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Laurel:
I had never heard of it. (94.3 (K-Love)
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K-Love is a protestant (Catholic friendly) Contempiary Christian Music (CCM) station.

CFC has a progam for women in your situation called Handmaids of the Lord (HOLD)…There is strength in numbers.😃

Write you off … never, you are my sister.
 
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dhgray:
K-Love is a protestant (Catholic friendly) Contempiary Christian Music (CCM) station.

CFC has a progam for women in your situation called Handmaids of the Lord (HOLD)…There is strength in numbers.😃

Write you off … never, you are my sister.
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Thank you!
 
I would appreciate other thoughts on what this means…“I don’t claim to be religious just spiritual”.
 
That is lost on me…but thanks…I apologize…what do you mean, that without being religious a person is killing their soul?..or am I way off base.:confused:
 
Laurel,
Just a thought… I wonder if your husband is a proud man? When I got so excited about the Catholic Faith & started reading everything I could get my hands on & listening to relevant radio also I sort of left my husband in the dust, theologically speaking. When I would try to talk to him about what I learned he never had much to say and now I’ve realized that’s probably because he didn’t want to admit that I knew so much more than him. (only because I’ve taken the time to learn it ) So I’ve had to scale back in my gushing quite a bit as it was totally turning him off. Now I just leave books here & there around the house & rather than turning on Fr. Coropi (heavy duty Catholic stuff) I turn on Dr. Ray who is just as Catholic but in a funny / quirky sort of way. My husband is a very proud man & it bothered him that I could rattle off all this information about the Church & he couldn’t dispute it…

Whenever someone tells me they are “spiritual” rather than religious that makes me think that they don’t want to follow any rules - like going to church. Because what’s spiritual really? It’s whatever works for the individual not something they have to obey.

I’m sorry you’re going through this with your husband. Keep your faith… God will bless you.

CM
 
Thanks…good stuff to consider. We haven’t gotten to the discussion part though…he won’t even let it begin, and he is much smarter than I am.
 
carol marie:
Laurel,
Just a thought… I wonder if your husband is a proud man? When I got so excited about the Catholic Faith & started reading everything I could get my hands on & listening to relevant radio also I sort of left my husband in the dust, theologically speaking. When I would try to talk to him about what I learned he never had much to say and now I’ve realized that’s probably because he didn’t want to admit that I knew so much more than him. (only because I’ve taken the time to learn it ) So I’ve had to scale back in my gushing quite a bit as it was totally turning him off. Now I just leave books here & there around the house & rather than turning on Fr. Coropi (heavy duty Catholic stuff) I turn on Dr. Ray who is just as Catholic but in a funny / quirky sort of way. My husband is a very proud man & it bothered him that I could rattle off all this information about the Church & he couldn’t dispute it…
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This is exactly what has gone on in my home for the past three years! I get so disappointed when I can’t share something I find exciting or moving with my faith with my husband! He does go to mass every Sunday, but that’s it. He doesn’t want God in “the rest of his life”.

I have heard about the green scapular being good for conversions. I don’t think he would wear one, but I think I can put it under his pillow or mattress & pray the prayer every day. Has anyone heard of it or tried it?
 
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