Need ideas on this Fantasy book I'm working on

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theStudentAD2018

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Hey, everyone! Hope you’re all having a wonderful day!

I’m currently writing this Fantasy book, which I plan to be the start of a series. It’s about these two brothers who are considered the last male heirs to this family of soldiers and they get taken from wherever they are in the real world and get transported into a fantasy world. As a side effect of what brought them there, they get turned into orcs. A lot of people treat them like crap.

Decided that some of the religions in my book should be imitations of Christianity. I even made a Christ character. (Sadly never read the Narnia books. I’m more of a Tolkien guy, please don’t kill me!)

The Christ character was originally human in that world, but it turns out, he can take the forms of not just homeless people, lepers, and other poor and disenfranchised, he can also turn into an eagle. The Eagle, which my characters meet, has pierced wings (Holes in them, not metal objects!) and pierced feet. The boys keep wondering about how this Eagle can fly and talk, as well as what else he can do. I personally want the Eagle to teach them the history of the Fantasy world and a bit of their actual family history.

So far, it’s all in my head, but I need some ideas here.

You should all know the truth as well. My main character went to prison for killing three robbers while he had a vision of his great-grandfather fighting during WWII, acting on it in real-time, though he didn’t know it. Turns out, the first two he killed were in self-defense. The last guy had his gun down and the MC shot him. He wound up going to prison and lied in court about the visions. Another thing: The visions are a family thing, always on the male side ala reverse Dune (Mr. Herbert, please don’t kill me if you read this!)

Won’t give out any more spoilers, but the boys find out some things about their family which they didn’t expect. I also want there to be an angelic character (Azariah or Raphael in the Bible) he’s a traveler and teaches the boys different things.

I personally want the Jesus character to give the boys the stink eye every single time they’re about to or do something wrong. I’m open to suggestions for what you all have in mind!

Currently, I’m publishing it on the internet. It’s on Fictionpress and it’s called Last of the Valins. Open to constructive criticism. Also: Sorry if I offended anyone.
 
Personally, I think you have already over ‘thunk it’ and made it a wee to complicated with maybe too many diversions for your characters. Sit down and work up an outline to guide your book. Develop your main character and focus on the person-personality of the brothers. Go to the library or Google on how to ‘write a book.’ There are about 4 main plots in writing and that is helpful to keep in mind. Also, if you have not already, read all the great classic and Greek legends. Let us know how your book comes along. Peace. P. S. I used to skip my math class and go off to the school library and read all the Greek legends. They never missed me!
 
I don’t think you should mix ww2 with orcs. It opens up questions like “well where the Germans also orcs?” and unless you are willing to establish a rich backstory that makes sense in every aspect it’s going to fall apart when anyone actually thinks about it.

My advise is to focus on like, one solid idea as a backbone, because you got a lot of stuff that’s going to be hard to weave together.

Also, the Jesus character shouldn’t be around so much to be able to give them “the stink eye” every single time they are going to do something wrong. Jesus isn’t Jimminy Cricket my dude. The Jesus eagle also shouldn’t give exposition.
 
Check out the Catholic Writers Guild. You will find folks who can give you amazing advice.
 
Both replies are excellent and both carry over with "Hey, I was gonna say that!’ However, I think I may have overdone my reply myself.
Also, the library will have a Writers Digest and tell you who is buying or accepting what. Also, I would try to submit my writings to various publishers and get ‘free proof readings’ and critics. They will let you know about grammar, spelling, structure, and content. These ‘proofreaders’ are usually done by advanced English/Literary majors and students.
 
Put a character based on the Blessed Virgin Mary. I always wanted to write an allegorical work but I don’t really have the time.
 
Sounds like you’ve got a lot going on that could be quite interesting if pulled off well. With creating the religions, always make sure they’re organic to the setting. I’m by no means an expert, but for a fantasy world I’m making and want to write stories of, I drew a bit from Catholicism while making the religion if ‘the good guys’ and part if that is because I know Catholicism more than other religions. It also fits my setting better because in the Middle Ages, the Church played a large role so it would make sense for a Medievalesque world to have a central Church that transcended borders. But at the same time I made modifications given the world’s polytheistic nature (David Eddings said it best: “Pagans have more fun”). For example, each priesthood is dedicated to one of the gods and the female gods have female priestesshoods whereas the male gods have male priesthoods.
 
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