Need input and advice for divorced and remarried

[styrgwillidar]

I know of a couple married by civil union who are looking to hopefully be in full communion with the Catholic Church. This is the scenario: The woman was married in the Catholic Church about 20 years ago. The marriage lasted barely five months. After she paid all of her so-called spouse’s bills, he decided that he did not want to be married to her and did not want children and just left, in that order I might add. He refused attempts of reconciliation. This woman was eventually told by his father not to look for his son anymore as it was bringing undue strain to his family. This happened after a three year engagement. She eventually got a state annulment, but not one from the church.
She eventually remarried civilly to another man who was raised Catholic, but he never
was confirmed. He got as far as Holy Communion. They both regret this mistake. Apparently, this man fell prey to the erroneous teachings of fundamental churches concerning divorce and re-marriage. They have been married now for almost 14 years and have two beautiful children being raised in the Catholic Church.
What I told them is that they would have to see their parish priest; probably make a vow to live as brother and sister, and abstain from sexual activity. Where I am confused is can the man go through the confirmation process while she is seeking an annulment?
Any (name removed by moderator)ut is greatly appreciated.

Your good advice to them was to talk to the priest. He will advise them on what can/can’t be done in terms of the husband’s entry into the church and the sacraments.

He’ll also advise on the process for petitioning for a declaration of nullity. It really isn’t a complicated process, but it is like any other administrative process and takes some time and varies between diocese.

My circumstances were very different, as I filed the petition one year after the divorce was final for a 21 year marriage between two Catholics. This is where it will be a bit more challenging for your couple, I knew witnesses and was on good terms with my wife’s parents. My diocese sent questionnaire’s to the parents of both the husband and wife, as well as witnesses. So, she’ll need to identify witnesses who knew her and her first husband at the time they were married. There may be some delays in allowing for (name removed by moderator)ut from the first husband if he’s hard to locate. They will proceed without his (name removed by moderator)ut, but that may affect their ability to come to a decision in addition to delaying the process.

I found the whole process very helpful in terms of coming to an understanding of my marriage, the circumstances of it’s disintegration, and the conditions which existed at it’s inception of which I had not been aware. Doesn’t seem applicable to your couple though.

There’s a thread on here Annulment Support Group or something like that which has canon lawyer as a participant. Might want to post something there.

 

[Magdalen2013]

Are thought of as sacramental? I dont think so. My wife’s first marriage was by a JP and it took us a very short time to have it “annulled”. According to the church where we married it isnt even called annulment. I cant remember what they call it.

But in the case of this couple, it seems she and her first husband were sacramentally married.

A marriage is considered a sacramental one if BOTH participants are baptized Christians, even if the marriage is done by a Judge or a Protestant pastor.

If you wife was Catholic, the marriage by a JP, without a dispensation from the Church would have considered to have been “lacking in form” which is why the paperwork was fairly simple.

 

[Gorgias]

As someone who is in the process of annulment I have to say I think the poster you quoted is quite accurate in his assessment of the petition some diocese use. My diocese certainly asked for every little detail of my life before, during, and after marriage.

Here’s the thing, though: they didn’t. Did they ask you what you got for Christmas when you were 10? Did they ask you whether you were on Santa’s good list? Did they ask how much you paid in taxes in 2009? Of course not. On the other hand, they did ask you the kinds of questions that are relevant: during your childhood, was your experience of marriage (via your parents’ relationship, and others’) such that your understanding of Christian marriage was impaired? Were there any details of the dating life of you or your spouse or of ya’lls courtship that might lead the tribunal to understand that ‘Christian marriage’ wasn’t what ya’ll were consenting to? I’m objecting to one thing and one thing only: not that the questionnaire isn’t thorough – but that it delves into “every little detail” of a person’s life. It doesn’t: it only asks the kinds of questions that might lead to details that are relevant to the nullity process.

Actually, looking over it again, there were many more questions about my childhood and teen years and again about the shared conjugal life than there were about the lead-up to the ceremony and the ceremony itself. I attribute that to the Tribunal looking for supporting evidence that no real marriage took place and that a marital bond was never properly established.

Precisely: not “every little detail”, but “every relevant detail”.

As for cathartic and healing? Somewhat. … Did I learn something? Absolutely! I knew all along the marriage was a sham … but I didn’t realize that my ex and I were more like casual acquaintances than even BF/GF’s usually are until I was filling out the papers.

Exactly. This is what I meant: the process, itself, through the questionnaire, led you to a new understanding, which was both surprising and helped you move on. In a word… ‘cathartic’.

They go on to ask even more detailed questions about marital life including sexual practices and sexual satisfaction (did we deny each other sex? were there affairs? were any practices introduced by one spouse the other disliked and what were they?, was there contraception?, were we satisfied with our sex life? did our feelings change and why…just as a small example of the questions regarding sex alone!).

In our sex-saturated culture, is there (sadly) a more reliable gauge of dysfunction in marriage than a person’s/couple’s notions of the role of sexuality in marriage?

They wanted to know how we functioned as a couple, was there abuse (physical, emotional, drug use etc.) did we share any interests and hobbies, did one spouse work too much or too little, was there a dominant spouse, who was it, who provided financially, who was most responsible for running the household…on and on. Then I had to answer the same questions again based on what I believe my ex thought and felt.

Of course! Marriage is only marriage if both of you fully consented! So, after discerning whether you fully consented, it’s necessary to ask whether your spouse did, as well!

 

[MJJean]

exactly what my wife has been going through…thank you…and God bless you that your case is soon resolved and you can experience the joy of receiving the Eucharist and the fullness of the Catholic faith

Your lips to God’s ears as the old saying goes. I’m approaching the 16 month mark since my case was accepted, 18 months since it was filed, and still have no decision from the Court of First Instance.

I pray every Sunday during Eucharist that all pending annulments are decided justly and quickly!

I am sorry your wife is going through the same thing. Please let her now she is not alone.

 

[Gorgias]

According to the church where we married it isnt even called annulment. I cant remember what they call it.

It’s a different process (‘documentary’, in this case, due to the ‘lack of form’), but it’s still a declaration of nullity – the Church is declaring that your marriage was null.

But in the case of this couple, it seems she and her first husband were sacramentally married.

More precisely, the Church would presume them to be validly married, until proven otherwise in the process of a nullity proceeding.