Need marriage advice

[AdamP88]

but I agree that giving your spouse lots of sex is a good thing to do–I would certainly recommend that over starving your spouse of sex.

In general, yeah. But sex is also a reflection of the spouses’ overall relationship and life together. if one person is doing something that very clearly is putting an obstacle to intimacy between them, like viewing porn and feeding a porn habit, I think it’s reasonable and legitimate to stop having sex for a time until trust is rebuilt. I mean, what woman wants to have sex with a man who she knows is getting his jollies to images of other women?

or he will say well this form of porn isn’t necessarily sinful just not pure

Obviously porn is sinful. But it’s not just the sinfulness of it that’s an issue. It’s how it makes you, his wife, feel and think of herself.

I mean a lot of things are not necessarily sinful, but might not be good for a marriage either.

 

[AdamP88]

It is very possible for men to control themselves and not give into porn or masterbation for extended periods of sexual abstinence.

Completely true. There is no “need” to have sex. There is a need to eat and drink, and have other human contact, but nobody ever died from lack of sex.

In all reality I think his advice of just having relations twice a day with her husband will create a over sexed porn addict instead of causing him to stop using porn.

I don’t think there are many women who could physically have sex twice a day, every day, without some assistance in the form of drugs/lubricants etc.
Also this advice doesn’t solve the underlying issue, it just encourages him to objectify his wife and see her as an item to be used to satisfy a sexual itch that he feels needs to be scratched. He needs to build virtue and resist temptation, not remain a slave to his sin.

 

[Psalm30]

My mom always slept with me until I was 2, siser, sister unlaw, and mother inlaw all co slept. In fact my husband is the one who suggested we do this.

Dear one, doctors advise against co-sleeping, for safety reasons. People have done it/still do it against doctors’ advice, but it’s not a good idea, for a variety of important reasons.

My baby is only 2 months old not old enough to self soothe and hasn’t went through sleep regression where her sleep will msture.

I was wondering exactly how old the baby was. Two months postpartum is a hard time for new mothers, especially if it’s your first baby. Have you been to the doctor for your postpartum check-up? Has the doctor given you the okay to resume relations with your husband?

In any case, having a two month old at home is all consuming. It appears your husband may need help coping with the fact that his needs are going to have to be secondary to the needs of a helpless infant who needs 24/7 care. It won’t be this way forever. As the baby gets older, she won’t require such constant attention, and you and your husband will have more of the freedom and time for each other that you had before the baby. But at two months postpartum, you need to rest when you can and take care of the baby and yourself. You should most definitely make time for your husband and have relations when you can. However, if he can’t cope with the fact that his every sexual need isn’t going to be fulfilled on demand when there’s a new baby in the house and turns to porn to satisfy himself, he’s not exactly husband material, IMHO.

 

[Psalm30]

@AdamP88, always the voice of reason. And you, @LaughingBoy1503. Thank you for your excellent posts. @Rfd please read and reflect on what Adam and LaughingBoy1503 have said. It is excellent advice.

 

[Psalm30]

All right.

What about your postpartum checkup and the doctor giving you the okay to resume sex with your husband?

 

[Rfd]

I went 2 weeks ago. He isn’t starved by no means… Just not as often as before baby

 

[Psalm30]

Just not as often as before baby

This is normal. A lot of things change after a baby. Frequency of sex is one of them.

And you say he did porn before he was deep in the Faith? So this isn’t something new… He needs counseling from a priest.

 

[Ammi]

Completely true. There is no “need” to have sex. There is a need to eat and drink, and have other human contact, but nobody ever died from lack of sex.

While I believe that practicing NFP (periodic abstinence) should help strengthen self control, and we all have the ability to go periods abstaining, it’s not about “absolute need”. People in general vary on their sex drive.

It’s easy for some people (and my pastor has said women, more so than men) to go periods without sex. So if a wife knows it’s difficult going months without sex, she should try to have sex frequently. And a husband too.

But during the times she is unable, or just too uninterested, there should be encouragement in communication, to not resort to masturbation, porn, flirting. Because for some of us men, periods of high hormones is intoxicating! It can cause us to do what we normally would not even want to do.

So it’s not about blame, but knowing each other and caring for each other.

Porn, masturbating, and even some sexual gratification through other women does not mean what it would mean for a woman. Women are more likely to want emotional intimacy with a man, and feel that when a man reaorts to those things, that he is rejecting her for those things. That is not always the case. Often, it’s high levels of hormones that are extremely difficult to control, and if there isnt a strong relationship, a man resorts to those sins. He may be wrong, and certainly is, but they both need to be actively relying on each other’s help and love to overcome.

 

[TheLittleLady]

Co-sleeping is perfectly natural, it has been practiced for centuries and across the world. People, especially Americans, have VERY strong opinions about this topic.

Dear one, doctors advise against co-sleeping, for safety reasons.

We cannot give medical advice. This decision is up to the parents.